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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you 100% believe your partner has never cheated?

535 replies

zaraaraz · 15/07/2021 22:57

I think cheating is very common. I was with someone I loved, would have done anything for and he left me and was declaring his love for someone else the next day. Obviously he was seeing her behind my back. My boyfriend before him was going through a divorce because his wife had cheated.

My sister met her husband when they were both with other people. My fathers first wife cheated on him.

I’ve seen a particular colleague cheat twice on his girlfriend.

It’s just very common in my opinion. I’m currently single but whosever I date next then I wouldn’t be shocked if I found out if they were a cheater.

OP posts:
Ohhyeahright · 16/07/2021 09:40

To those who say their dhs haven’t cheated because they don’t have the time, or are always together, here’s some real life examples of how those kind of men very much did have the time and managed it

Got dressed for the office in a morn and cheerily waved bye to his wife in the morning and left for a secret days annual leave he’d booked. Spent in a hotel with ow

Visited a sex worker when he popped to the ‘shop’

Went out with another woman rather than out with his friends as his wife believed. All the friends keep their mouths shut for each other. Everyone who knows this group believes they are decent, shy, committed dopey husbands

Shagged in the middle of the day on company property

Cheated on lunchtimes at work, or finished early without telling their wife

One delight was cheating with a school mum on the school run. Explained being a few mins late as ‘being held up chatting’ or ‘speaking to teacher’

These are just a few examples off the top of my head without really thinking about it. You’re never with someone 100% of the time. You cannot base your faith on this, it’s so naive

nellly · 16/07/2021 09:42

Current partner I'm 99% certain and would be absolutely gobsmacked, but both my previous long term partners cheated so I know it's common Sad

Pigeonpocket · 16/07/2021 09:44

100% believe he never has but not 100% sure he never will. Circumstances and opportunities change, so do people.

lynsey91 · 16/07/2021 09:47

Not everyone cheats. Some people just never would not matter what.

I know absolutely 100% for sure I never would. In 40 years of marriage I never have and never will.

I love my husband and respect him. No one who loves and respects their OH cheats on them.

I also have strong morals and believe cheating is totally wrong. I believe in marriage and would not have got married if I thought I was capable of cheating.

Me and DH talk about everything and share the same morals and views on marriage and infidelity. I know he has never cheated and, again, that he never would.

Some people come up with such pathetic excuses like "oh I never meant for it to happen". Well sorry but you didn't somehow find yourself naked in bed with someone without knowing how it happened did you? It's perfectly easy not to cheat

PatchworkElmer · 16/07/2021 09:51

I’m certain he wouldn’t, personally I couldn’t be married to him if I had even a sliver of doubt.

WeDontLikeCricket · 16/07/2021 09:56

I know of a few men who have cheated who their wives/friends would say they would never in a million years cheat. I just don't believe you can 100% be sure

enchantedspleen · 16/07/2021 09:59

A hundred trillion percent my husband hasn't. He's got his faults but fuck me he's loyal. I'm very very lucky.

Emmelina · 16/07/2021 10:00

I did 100% believe he would never cheat.
Until he did.

CounsellorTroi · 16/07/2021 10:02

Some people come up with such pathetic excuses like "oh I never meant for it to happen". Well sorry but you didn't somehow find yourself naked in bed with someone without knowing how it happened did you? It's perfectly easy not to cheat

“I never meant for it to happen” is such bollocks. You can’t cheat without actively making a decision to do so.

bluecarry · 16/07/2021 10:05

I 100% believe my DP has never cheated on me. It's just not his nature. I don't believe it could never happen, unexpected and complicated things happen all the time and people do things they would never expect of themselves, let alone what other people think of them.

I also 100% believe my exH never cheated on me. Our marriage was not good and obviously we are no longer together so I don't need to convince myself of this view. I remember at the end wishing he was having an affair and would leave me for someone else, I couldn't see any other way I could ever get free of him. Again, it's just not him or his character. Don't get me wrong he's a complete arsehole in many senses, but I don't think he would ever cheat on anyone.

Interestingly both my DP and EXH have been cheated on in several relationships when younger, perhaps that's a big factor in why they would be very unlikely to ever do it themselves.

Learningatmyownpace · 16/07/2021 10:06

I'm a 100% sure I haven't cheated. I've been on MN long enough to not be 100% about DH. I'd like to hope he hasn't and it would be over if he did.

Hallyup6 · 16/07/2021 10:07

100% sure he wouldn't. I, on the other hand, might.

Lavender24 · 16/07/2021 10:07

I believe my partner has never cheated. He's far too lazy lol.

However I know no one can be trusted 100%.The only time I think he would possibly cheat is if he was blackout drunk and the last time he got drunk like that without me was early in our relationship nearly four years ago with work colleagues. He always hangs out with his mates at our place now we live together.

MissMissTorrance · 16/07/2021 10:11

90% sure he hasn't.

jinglebal · 16/07/2021 10:13

Do people think it's harder or easier to cheat now? Just musing as we have both been wfh, have doorbell cameras, password for find my phone etc. DH took dc off for football & myself & other dc thought we would get a sneaky McDonalds breakfast delivered. We were rumbled 😆

knittingaddict · 16/07/2021 10:21

Yes, I would 100% believe him, although we've never had a conversation about it in 35 years of marriage. We've never needed to.

Fairyxdance · 16/07/2021 10:24

My first two long term boyfriends cheated.
I dumped them both. One after three years and one after two.

My children's dad never cheated in 8 years but we split.

My 4th attempt at a relationship failed after six months because he was lying and messaging other women. Had sex with someone whilst we were in a rough patch too. So I class that as a dishonest one aswel.

So In my experience 75% of me cheat haha. Only messing with that figure. But it does seem due to social media they are often sneaky snakes. I'm sure women are bad. I've never cheated and always remained loyal in relationships and not messaged other men.

tootiredtobother · 16/07/2021 10:28

are we only talking about physical cheating? what about getting into online stuff, webchat stuff which i read about on here and class as cheating on the same level as physical hook ups

Affor · 16/07/2021 10:39

I know a man whose wife was 100% sure he would never cheat. So were all his family and friends. The idea was completely laughable, he just wasn't the type to, they just knew he wouldn't.

We had an affair for a year.

TheTurn0fTheScrew · 16/07/2021 10:41

My H is in a job well-known for workplace affairs. His old boss and the admin used to nip out on their lunch breaks to conduct theirs - if they want to find the time, they will.

jinglebal · 16/07/2021 10:42

How on earth did Matt Hancock find the time?!

Guavafish · 16/07/2021 10:45

Agree… early meetings, lunch time, late finish in the office and annual leave. It’s very easy to get away with it.

romany4 · 16/07/2021 10:47

I'm 100% certain.
DH adores me and always has from the day we met.
Been married 32 years.

knittingaddict · 16/07/2021 10:52

@tootiredtobother

are we only talking about physical cheating? what about getting into online stuff, webchat stuff which i read about on here and class as cheating on the same level as physical hook ups
I was talking about all cheating in my post. I 100% believe that he wouldn't do any of the things in your list or any kind of emotional affair.

He gets on well with women, likes and respects them as he only had sisters. Had women friends when I met him. He is very worthy of my trust.

therocinante · 16/07/2021 10:55

100% sure he hasn't. I'd be absolutely gobsmacked if he ever would, but nothing is impossible.