To ask if you 100% believe your partner has never cheated?

[zaraaraz]

I think cheating is very common. I was with someone I loved, would have done anything for and he left me and was declaring his love for someone else the next day. Obviously he was seeing her behind my back. My boyfriend before him was going through a divorce because his wife had cheated.

My sister met her husband when they were both with other people. My fathers first wife cheated on him.

I’ve seen a particular colleague cheat twice on his girlfriend.

It’s just very common in my opinion. I’m currently single but whosever I date next then I wouldn’t be shocked if I found out if they were a cheater.

I'm fairly sure he wouldn't, he certainly wouldn't have his head turned by a woman deliberately trying to get him. Only sure of that because he doesn't recognise it when someone is flirting with him at all, he has to be the one that persues them otherwise he has no bloody clue and just thinks they are friendly.

But I would imagine in the right conditions, as someone else said, he might. I would hope he wouldn't though, and I don't think he would, I imagine he had plenty of opportunity in his last two relationships when they were going badly and he didn't cheat (his exs did cheat on him and he dumped them immediately). So he has that on his side too, that he remains loyal even when things are shit.

@uktrippin who said anything about sex ....he wasn't leaving the house to meet anyone, as I said we were together 24/7 ....he was flirting with other women ....not sex. But he was emotionally cheating

I've been married for 15 years. I know my DH hasn't but know we haven't been perfect but I know there has not been actual cheating. I know how easy it could be if you let your guard down and allow selfish desires to take over. After we got married we had a problem we struggled to overcome and we loved each but things weren't easy and weaknesses came in. At work I got a crush on someone and they paid me alot of attention, it ended up developing into a strong crush. Well I still loved my DH and we worked our main problem and managed to overcome things and get stronger but I still had a crush because I allowed it to develope for so long. Now if it got to a point where he made a move I would of hoped I could if resisted because I was in a dangerous place so I could of easily not of. I had to ask myself this and felt awful guilt for all this time. I left because my marriage was more important but it was really hard, it took a year to stop thinking of that person and stay away. I never told my DH the extent I had this crush. But I did admit years down the line I had this crush one time. Here is what I've learnt; it's dangerous to get crushes maybe if someone turns your head don't let it stay in your mind and let it grow....most people get crushes at some point but like the expression says "you can't stop a bird from flying over your head but you can't stop it nesting" I promised myself I would never let a crush be more than a passing thought and believe me it can be hard. But a good relationship takes a lot of work and it starts in your own mind and so now I say if you don't want to cheat you never let your heart take over when your head says it's not right and you feel guilt.

@uktrippin and I'm not kidding myself, we had months of councelling and as I said if he ever pulled that shit again I would leave him and I mean it

I’ve been married 30 odd years, I am 99.99999% sure he’s never cheated and never will. I can’t say 100% because I’m not him and haven’t followed him around for 30 years, watching everything he does.
I would be absolutely shocked if he had been unfaithful, we run our business together so know him extremely well, and spend a huge amount of time with him, so feel I would “know” if he was up to something, but who knows if he shagged someone else 20 years ago? I’m not going to worry about it, you can’t live like that in a relationship.

I'm as sure as I can be that my partner hasn't cheated.

He's a homebody and rarely goes out without me.
He did used to go away for a night with work occasionally but generally stayed in his hotel room unless there was a group meeting up.

So there's been very little opportunity over the years plus he's just not that sort of person. I know everyone says that but it's true. I've seen him being chatted up and it was hilarious.

I don’t think my DH has ever cheated, it’s not like him to do it.
If I got to a point where I thought about cheating I’d end the relationship first. It would save a lot of heartache if people were free to have relationships rather than cheated in one.

I think it's very naive to say your dh would never cheat on you. He might not, you might be right but honestly you never know...there's loads of women who thought it would never happen to them and it does. Life is really complicated... people aren't either good or bad.

I’m not 100% sure about anything and it’d be stupid to say otherwise.
I’m not 100% he hasn’t cheated, nor am I 100% that he’s not a spy, or a murderer.
I’d say it’s pretty unlikely that he’s a cheater, spy or murderer though!

Ive no healthy choice but to believe 100% that my DH has never cheated. And until I see evidence otherwise, that is what I will believe wholeheartedly. At this point, he deserves that respect and faith from me.

I really don't think my husband has. He just isn't like that. I'm not saying he never ever would but I think it would only happen if our marriage were to break down to such an extent that it was over or almost over.

I've had partners in the past who I strongly suspect (or actually know) cheated though, there's a type who like the advantages of having an official partner but can't resist popping into the candy shop if the opportunity arises.

My wife has never cheated. And she never would. If things changed and she fell for someone else she would have enough respect for me to be honest with me before any cheating happened. And the same for me.

100% certain he never has. He just wouldn’t and neither would I. I only know one friend who has cheated on his wife.

Perhaps you simply can’t know: the ones who actual don’t, are aped by the ones who are in order to cover up their behaviour- so there is a proportion of the (male?) population who don’t ever cheat, and a proportion who look like they have never cheated. Those two ‘sets’ are bound to overlap to some degree, but realistically, it’s impossible to tell where.
So maybe the question is more about how you deal with the uncertainty inherent in a romantic relationship-

I'm 99% certain 😆 if he ever did it would have been in the early days, we've been together 13 years. He definitely isn't currently, I dont see where he would find time tbh

100% sure!

You just can't know 100%. By definition you can't. You can hope and believe. Its probably healthier to believe your spouse won't cheat than think they will because otherwise you will live in a state of paranoia.

TBH this is why I Increasingly think marriage is a daft idea: you're gambling your entire financial security on whether or not your spouse will cheat. (And, when you look at the odds you sometimes wonder why people take this bet). Much better to base your financial security on relying on someone you know won't cheat on you: yourself.

But once you've got yourself into the pickle of being reliant on another human being financially you may as well convince yourself that they 100% won't cheat. But what else is there other than hope over experience?

Yes I am 100% sure he hasn't. I don't know when he could, we have been together 10 years, worked together for 8 of those (and still do) all of our friendship groups are joint. There is no way either of us could without the other finding out very quickly.

@Imcatmum

Ive no healthy choice but to believe 100% that my DH has never cheated. And until I see evidence otherwise, that is what I will believe wholeheartedly. At this point, he deserves that respect and faith from me.

This is me. I always believe my partners are faithful unless I find out differently, but that doesn't mean I can be 100 percent sure I am correct. But so what. As PP said, you can not be 100 percent sure about anything. I actually knew someone who found out her husband was a spy. Not a James Bond spy, but industrial espionage spy, but a spy paid by the Government and embedded in Contracts in the middle east. She thought he was a straight up engineer but was actually a serious agent. She never knew until he retired. So you really don't know 100 percent.

Im 100% sure he hasn’t cheated because he couldn’t contain the anxiety he would feel about being caught.

I can’t say I’m 100% sure he would never cheat, but I think the stress of keeping a secret would probably dissuade him from doing so.

There are people who are addicted to the quick fix of a burger, even if there is quality stake at home. Men in particular, who go through life seeing all women as potential conquests and have no priority of themselves being faithful, though often have issues with their partners being unfaithful.
I don't like these people.

@3Britnee

I believe 100% that my DH hasn't. Because of his level of integrity and respect. He would end it first if he wanted to get with someone else.

This.

I think it’s hard to be 100% but I would be very very shocked to hear my DH has been unfaithful. He’s a very honest family man who couldn’t really be arsed

@PyongyangKipperbang

Random thought that just popped into my head....

Perhaps being 100% sure that someone would never cheat on you is part of what makes you take the other person for granted. Not being valued may lead a person to cheat, so perhaps not neccessarily taking for granted that they will never cheat on you, so you put the effort in rather than sitting back and coasting, may actually make it less likely that they will cheat.

Obviously not talking about the serial cheaters but the "out of the blue, they have fallen for someone else" situations.

I am not sure that this theory stands up but its a thought.

No. I absolutely agree that feeling taken for granted can spell big trouble in a marriage/ltr, but being sure your partner would never cheat is not taking them for granted, it’s trusting them and having faith in them.

I’ve never cheated on anyone, I honestly can’t be arsed with any drama and don’t have the time nor energy for it. I don’t think the fall out is ever worth the initial thrill or whatever it is people go for either. My DH has never cheated on me and I’m pretty confident about that, yes. I’ve never been cheated on come to think of it, not to my knowledge anyway.