To ask if you 100% believe your partner has never cheated?

[zaraaraz]

I think cheating is very common. I was with someone I loved, would have done anything for and he left me and was declaring his love for someone else the next day. Obviously he was seeing her behind my back. My boyfriend before him was going through a divorce because his wife had cheated.

My sister met her husband when they were both with other people. My fathers first wife cheated on him.

I’ve seen a particular colleague cheat twice on his girlfriend.

It’s just very common in my opinion. I’m currently single but whosever I date next then I wouldn’t be shocked if I found out if they were a cheater.

@jinglebal

The people who are 100% certain because their partner is X or Y do you then think the people who end up getting cheated on are bad pickers or not very intuitive, etc?

mixture of things really. both your suggestions, also being trodden down for years and feeling like its easier to put up and shut up. of course the more they get away with it, he more they do it.

I think you can be 100% and also aware that you might be wrong.

Some people ARE bad pickers. Some people ARE good at ignoring their intuition / whats right in front of them. It still isnt their fault if their partner is unfaithful

My post was referring to knowing your partner would never do it in the future.

@SleepingStandingUp I don't understand "I'm 1"?

@jinglebal

My post was referring to knowing your partner would never do it in the future.

@SleepingStandingUp I don't understand "I'm 1"?

I pressed enter accidentally

Some people ARE bad pickers. Some people ARE good at ignoring their intuition / whats right in front of them. It still isnt their fault if their partner is unfaithful

Of course some are but everyone who gets cheated on?
I think I know my DH very well & am pretty sure he has never cheated on me however I still wouldn't be 100% it couldn't happen in the future, 99% yes but not 100%.

I am as certain as I think it's possible to be that he isn't currently, as his only opportunities would be in a cupboard at lunchtime in a school or while he was caring for our three year old. So I'd be even more disgusted if he was... Though I suppose he could be sexting etc

Has he ever, would he ever? How could anyone possibly know? I wouldn't have married him if he thought he would, but then presumably very few people are marrying partners they expect to be unfaithful, and it still happens. I've never cheated on DH but I have cheated in a previous relationship. I think that everyone who knows me apart from the very few who know about my previous infidelity (which does include DH, though it wasn't with him) would insist that I was not the kind of person who would ever cheat.

I trust him as much as you can trust anyone, I don't think he has cheated but no one can realistically ever be 100% sure, you can say you are but you can't actually be unless they've never gone out or spent anytime away from you ever

@jinglebal

I genuinely feel 100% sure he would not cheat and he would let me know if he was not happy
Of course it can still happen but its not something I worry about with him
Not everyone cheats but I will admit most of my past relationships probably more did than didn't but I'm not bitter and I'm not going to tar my husband with the same brush

He also snores really badly and farts all the time so I doubt anyone would want to run off into the sunset with him

@jinglebal

Some people ARE bad pickers. Some people ARE good at ignoring their intuition / whats right in front of them. It still isnt their fault if their partner is unfaithful

Of course some are but everyone who gets cheated on?
I think I know my DH very well & am pretty sure he has never cheated on me however I still wouldn't be 100% it couldn't happen in the future, 99% yes but not 100%.

Exactly and people do and can change over the years as well. A lot of men who cheat (from what I read on here certainly) are middle aged men going through the dreaded mid life crisis, that can change a man from a guy who worshiped the ground you walked on 10 years ago to a self pitying man child who thinks life has passed him by and he's wasted it by getting married etc

I trust DH and feel as certain as I can that he hasn’t cheated and wouldn’t cheat. We have a loving relationship. We like each other as well as love each other.

Can I categorically say he would never cheat? No, because nobody can say that about anyone, inasmuch as no-one can predict another person’s actions. But I don’t believe he has or would, so that enables me to live a content life, with the possibility of him cheating not being even the slightest bit of a worry.

Exactly this for me.

If I was cheated on there would be no points for the imaginative cliches that often come out when found out.

We didn't mean it to happen (so why did it then)
You can not help who you fall in love with (but you can help lying to your partner when it happens)
It didn't mean anything (so you lied to me and have destroyed our trust for something that means nothing, nice)
She came onto me (are you a 2 year old who can not control a situation or more likely you are lying again)
You were neglecting me and we never have sex (bye, I'm going now)

I'm a weak willed person who fancied shagging someone else to liven up my mundane inadequate life and thought I wouldn't get caught. You never entered my head when we were at it and now I regret it. (Ok, so at least we can now talk without the BS)

I'm 100% sure because I have never said it would be the end.
He's never had anything to lose and neither have I.
So neither has ever found the need to cheat.
Ask if we are both sure the other wouldn't find somebody else, that is different, I don't think anyone can know that.

I'm a weak willed person who fancied shagging someone else to liven up my mundane inadequate life and thought I wouldn't get caught. You never entered my head when we were at it and now I regret it. (Ok, so at least we can now talk without the BS)

Bahahaha I wonder has any man in the history of the world ever admitted that though?

@jinglebal

Some people ARE bad pickers. Some people ARE good at ignoring their intuition / whats right in front of them. It still isnt their fault if their partner is unfaithful

Of course some are but everyone who gets cheated on?
I think I know my DH very well & am pretty sure he has never cheated on me however I still wouldn't be 100% it couldn't happen in the future, 99% yes but not 100%.

Of course not everyone, some people have no way of knowing and that also isnt them. Im 100% sure he hasn't and isn't but agree i wouldn't predict for the next 40 years!

My ex hated cheaters and thought people who cheated were the lowest of the low.

Then he got OW pregnant.

My dh is lovely but I would never say that he hasn’t or would never cheat.
I have read too many posts on Mumsnet where women would swear that their dh/dp wouldn’t cheat only to find out that they were prolific cheaters
I also know some women who cheat on their dh/dp. They are usually the ones who one would deem the least likely to cheat

So do you think he has cheated @Lampzade? Why would you be with him of you think that?

I was 100% sure right up until the moment I found out that he'd been cheating for years.

I'd have bet my life on him not being a cheat - I was very wrong.

The prevalence, and acceptance, of cheating is one of the reasons I am not interested in having a relationship again.

I 100% believe he has never cheated.

He knows that would be the hard stop to our relationship. There would be no "oh, but the children..." or any need to stay with him for financial reasons. There would be no second chance, no negotiating -- cheating isn't an accident. It might be a mistake but it's not a forgivable one. He would be immediately cut loose to go on his merry way, thank you and goodbye.

Maybe that sounds like I'm not deeply invested in my relationship; I am, and I love him very much. It's just if he cheated then he's not the man I thought him to be and I wouldn't want a relationship with whoever he really was.

We're in each others' pockets enough that I would find out.

To add, we'd been together for 20 years and he never worked late or unusual hours, went away on weekends or worked away. To this day I have no idea how he fitted it in. He also had depression and anxiety and that didn't stop him either.

@SleepingStandingUp

So do you think he has cheated *@Lampzade*? Why would you be with him of you think that?

I don’t think he has cheated and I don’t believe he would . However, I am not naive enough to say 100% that he never would . I am just being a realist . He is a fantastic father and a great husband and we have a great marriage. However, I can only vouch for myself . I have seen too many women swear that their dh would never even look at another woman , while I know that these men are cheating on them If my dh cheated and I found out he knows that it would be the end of our marriage . It’s as simple as that. So he would have to weigh up the risk and decide between his penis and his marriage It’s not something that I worry about tbh.

All I can say about mine is....if he ran off with another woman, she would be running back with him within a couple of days.
He works in an all male environment apart from an ancient cleaning lady who he loves.
I often joke that if a woman stripped naked, shoved a rose up her nose and said take me now tiger, he would look bloody confused and continue watching the sport.

I’d say I’m 99% sure he’d never cheat. Honestly I don’t think he could be bothered with the hassle of trying to hide it

@amission

Mine wouldn't have the time, energy or inclination! 100% sure he's never cheated

Same here!

I’m about as confident as I can be that he hasn’t cheated, I’ve never felt suspicious even for a moment. With my ex, I felt pretty certain from the beginning that he would/did, I just had extremely low self-esteem and chose to stay.

One thing experience has taught me is that there’s no ‘cheating type’, any one of us could, it’s just that some of us choose not to. I can honestly say I’ve been absolutely stunned to discover that some people I know have cheated, people I would previously have said would never do it. Now, whenever anyone says that their DP isn’t the cheating type, I cringe. Judge someone on their continued behaviour, don’t rely on a label you gave them at an arbitrary point in time.

I’m also not a fan of the term ‘cheating’, I find it leads to people debating whether or not something is classified as cheating and ignores the fact that the behaviour isn’t acceptable regardless.