How to deal with people not liking you?

[prettyinpink23x]

Hi everyone,
I try my best to be as nice as possible and go out of my way to help people. I heard today some people in work have been talking negatively about me because I got a promotion. I get its human nature, I’ve gossiped about people but how do I get over people not liking me? I probably need to get a thicker skin but I’m quite sensitive.
Is there a way to get over this? My self esteem is quite low anyway.

I spent years worrying that a couple of people didn’t like me. Then one did it clicked, that I can’t stand either of them myself! So why was I worrying??

As long as the people who matter like you, that’s what counts

*One day it clicked

Don’t give a shit. That’s really the only solution.

They're just jealous and bitter.

Like yourself. Then nobody else has to do the liking you need to keep you happy.

Also accepting that, given I’ve only ever been nice to the people who don’t like me, there’s nothing I could do to change it. It’s out of my control

www.amazon.co.uk/Life-Changing-Magic-Not-Giving-bestselling/dp/1784298468/ref=nodl_?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

They don't know you well enough to not like you.

As long as you like yourself, that's enough.

How old are you, OP? I felt like you until I got past 40. Then something gave and I just did not give a shit any more

It’s one of the great blessings of getting older that no-one really tells you about.

Accept that a certain proportion of the people you meet are not going to like you. That doesn't mean that they hate you. Just that you are not their first choice for a number one buddy. Once you get over that you will see things in proportion.

Ive never been a people pleaser so far as workmates and neighbours have been concerned. Im now in the autumn of my life and look back on what Ive achieved and the huge contribution I made to the community. I dont go out of my way to be unpleasant to people but I do what I want, within the law. Life is too short to be bothered whether or not people "like" you.

@Emmazebra

I spent years worrying that a couple of people didn’t like me. Then one did it clicked, that I can’t stand either of them myself! So why was I worrying??

As long as the people who matter like you, that’s what counts

This! One day I realised I’d spent so long worrying whether various people liked me, I hadn’t realised that I didn’t actually like them very much!

I’ve since discovered that when I really think about it, I don’t actually like very many people at all. Another thing that comes with age - a kind of joyful careless misanthropy

You're a good person, why TF would you care what the jealous office gossips think of you. Take no heed of people like that, Their opinion is extremely unimportant. If those sorts dislike you, it's usually because you're doing something right

What other people think of you is none of your business. Just live your life and ignore.

If they are jealous about the promotion, it is not really about you, it is about their own projections.

@irresistibleoverwhelm

How old are you, OP? I felt like you until I got past 40. Then something gave and I just did not give a shit any more

It’s one of the great blessings of getting older that no-one really tells you about.

Pretty much that!

I don’t go to work expecting to make friends so I don’t care what others think. Usually people only talk about these they are jealous off so there is nothing you can do about that.

Where / when I grew up, your worth was always what other people thought about you. That's where my self esteem came from, how I was regarded. If people didn't like me it was because I was 'bad' or 'not nice'.

Wish I could give you a cure as I haven't found one yet.

I cope by not giving a flying fuck. Why on earth would everyone like me anyway? I'm just a normal person, nothing special. You should give up hoping everyone will like you. They never will and it makes for a lot of fence sitting and people pleasing. Be authentic (and pleasant as far as possible) but that's all you have to do.

You don't like every single person you meet, so why would you expect everyone to like you?

In the workplace you need to be able to work with others, to keep things polite and professional.
One of the worst coworkers I've had was obsessed with being everyone's friend, she struggled to do her own work between all the "friendly chats" and letting others offload their work onto her - as she backed off from any minor disagreement.

Gossip can be a problem - it depends on what was said, "I don't know why prettypink got that promotion, you're much more capable" is consoling someone who's disappointed, "I see prettypink's sleeping her way to the top" is inappropriate and needs to be addressed.

Don't worry about criticism from people you wouldn't seek advice from.

No one likes everyone nor is liked by everyone.

Taking it even further there might be parts of you OP that I like but other things about you that piss me off! But that's ok. I don't expect people to please me 100% all the time. Doesn't mean there can't be good aspects or times.

I'm judged daily for the make up I wear. I guess it's "goth". A bit of black eyeshadow is hardly worthy of the looks I get. However, when I'm in a shop or doing the school run and have been judged, I make it a point to kill them with kindness. If it's someone I encounter on a regular basis. I'm always ready with a smile (smile with my eyes since masks), I ask how the person is and wish them a nice day. It takes maybe two encounters for people to reassess the type of person I am. It's ridiculous that I have to do this, but that's how it is. Works every time.

@Dontwatchfootball

If they are jealous about the promotion, it is not really about you, it is about their own projections.

This. People's feelings are usually to do with them and the inside of their own heads.

Some famous person said something like “what other people think of me is none of my business”.

Sorry for the shit quote 😂 but it’s true! You can’t change what’s going on in someone else’s head, so don’t bother trying.

I genuinely don't give a monkeys what other people think of me. I'm not living my life for them, I'm living for me. They're opinion of me has no bearing on how I act or what I do and add long as I know that I am doing no harm or wrong I'm happy with that.