How to deal with people not liking you?

[prettyinpink23x]

Hi everyone,
I try my best to be as nice as possible and go out of my way to help people. I heard today some people in work have been talking negatively about me because I got a promotion. I get its human nature, I’ve gossiped about people but how do I get over people not liking me? I probably need to get a thicker skin but I’m quite sensitive.
Is there a way to get over this? My self esteem is quite low anyway.

I don't really give a damn if people like me or not, just means less Christmas cards for me to write and that's never a bad thing!

I also believe that it kicks in with age, when I was younger it used to bother me and I’d spend so much time with dwelling on those negative feelings towards me, it didn’t do my mental health any good.

Then one day I realised I didn’t care and I mean I actually ‘didn’t’ care. You can say or do what you like….it no longer affects me. I am not a horrible or nasty person, so if someone doesn’t like me then that’s their problem.

I was mid to late thirties when this kicked in.

@Zenithbear
they're just jealous and bitter

That's a bit ridiculous. You dont have to be jealous or bitter to dislike someone.

Prime example. I don't like paedophiles. I'm not jealous of them or bitter. I don't like them though.

Just do you. Stay in your Lane. Focus on you. And let them do them. You don't need to be liked.

I used to really care what people thought of me but the older I got I realised it didn't matter. I was lucky enough to (finally) have had good, trustworthy friends and a DH who is lovely. Getting older and wiser certainly helped me.

I just go by the logic that not everyone will like me. It's simply impossible for everyone to like me and me liking everyone. There are perfectly fine people who have lots if friends but I don't like them. And they don't like me. We just simply didn't click. Such is life.

I also don't go out of my way to be nice and helpful. I just do what indo, am nice, helpful but not pushing it. I actually personally don't like people who try too hard because it becomes annoying and sometimes it just feels even obsessive.

It can be really hard, but at the end of the day - do you like every single person you meet? I doubt it.

As Wallace and Gromit say - you can't always be everyone's cup of tea.

People like funny people that make them laugh.

Oh dear… what are those of us who aren’t particularly funny meant to do then?

I have to say though, it’s rare that I meet someone I actively dislike. I like most people, and really like a select few!

Plus some people are right bitches, they're some of my best friends and I trust them and they're brutal honesty more than the noddy smiley lot!

@Frazzledd Why would you want to be best friends with people you also describe as “right bitches”?

Fuck what anyone thinks of you.

a) you can’t change it: people will think what they want to think: you being nice or otherwise has very little to do with it
b) people who try too hard to be liked give off a sense of fear which others instinctively pick up on. The more you do to be liked the less people will like you
c) the law of numbers dictates that not everyone will like you. Better to focus your energy on people who actually matter.

It really is the only way to deal with it.

I think when I turned 40 my ‘I don’t give a crap’ mode kicked in. Just block it out. It’s normally born from jealousy/envy, meh!

I have learnt a lot from my teenage dd about this subject. She is lucky enough to be very talented and popular, and inevitably, there are a couple of kids who are jealous and don't like her. I would have been really upset about someone taking such a dislike to me, but dd isn't remotely bothered by it, because she is totally confident that she hasn't ever given them any reason for their negative thoughts. She is consistently nice to them, helpful, friendly and inclusive. In her words, she hasn't done anything to provoke them so she can only assume that it's their problem.

I have been trying to apply this in my own thinking. As long as I know that I am treating people fairly and respectfully, as long as I know that I am a kind and decent person, why should it matter what anyone else thinks. That's their problem.

I don't care what people think of me. When other people get promoted I am pleaded for them some people need to grow up.