Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to deal with people not liking you?

114 replies

prettyinpink23x · 14/07/2021 21:22

Hi everyone,
I try my best to be as nice as possible and go out of my way to help people. I heard today some people in work have been talking negatively about me because I got a promotion. I get its human nature, I’ve gossiped about people but how do I get over people not liking me? I probably need to get a thicker skin but I’m quite sensitive.
Is there a way to get over this? My self esteem is quite low anyway.

OP posts:
AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 14/07/2021 22:56

My parents never really liked me.
A positive of that is that it really took the sting out of anyone else taking a dislike hahaha

DoorAjar · 14/07/2021 22:59

Honestly, I’m more interested in whether I like other people, and in whether I can look myself in the eye in the mirror. The other stuff is pretty extraneous.

Timeisavirtue · 14/07/2021 23:09

I’m one of them people who don’t care what people think, never have and never will... I’m not out to impress people, I’m on the big side due to a medical condition, not majorly but enough to notice when I stand next to naturally skinny people. It’s always been a talking point amongst assholes but I don’t really care. I’m me, it’s who I am, I can’t change it so I live with it. There more to worry about than looks or wether shallow people like you or not. You be you, they are most likely jealous you got a promotion. Don’t show them that you care and eventually they will get bored and move on to something else.

theSunday · 14/07/2021 23:17

Have you read the book ‘co-dependent no more?’ That might help Flowers

Holothane · 14/07/2021 23:24

I really couldn’t care less now, life’s too short I have a few close friends. I’m 55 soon to old for worrying about crap like this. It’s the same with clothes I wear what I want now. I’m covered up decent so happy in my things. Jeans T-shirts’ mainly.

Ideasplease322 · 14/07/2021 23:27

It’s hard, I really struggle with it.

There is something about my personality that people don’t warm to. I think it’s because I was the poor, ugly, fat girl in school so now I feel I need to prove myself and, as a result, I come across as boastful. I remember overhearing a friends mum asking how could I afford a house when my family were so poor!

Feeling the need to constantly show people I am successful is a huge personality flaw and I am working on it. But friendships don’t stick and people cool off after a few months or years.

The thing is if I didn’t care what people think, I think more people would actually like me!!!

ahoyshipmates · 14/07/2021 23:30

If someone is going to say nasty things about you behind your back because you got promoted, do you really think that they are a nice person? No, they're not. Would you want someone like that as a friend? No, you wouldn't.

So there's no need for them to like you, is there?

daisyjgrey · 14/07/2021 23:33

I go about my day.

pubble · 14/07/2021 23:35

Don’t give a shit.

Yep.

Ive still got friends from primary & make friends easily & very rarely do I clash with someone. In those cases it's definitely them! 😆

Saidtoomuch · 14/07/2021 23:41

*How old are you, OP? I felt like you until I got past 40. Then something gave and I just did not give a shit any more

It’s one of the great blessings of getting older that no-one really tells you about.*

Oh yes - and my goodness its liberating.

Libraryghost · 14/07/2021 23:44

Be more Millwall FC - ‘nobody likes us and we don’t care’ Reframe it in your mind as a badge of honour!

MadameMonk · 14/07/2021 23:44

There’s a saying I like that encompasses what a lot on this thread are saying. It goes something like:

‘At 20 you think everyone is talking about you,
at 40 you stop caring that people are talking about you,
at 60 you realise that they were always too wrapped up in themselves to have ever given you a second thought.’

I’ve found this to be true.

Also, I think the real problem is whoever is reporting this so called gossip about you, to you. I’d be shutting down that malicious stirrer quick smart. They’ll have their own reasons for telling you- and maybe for making it up or wildly exaggerating a throw-away comment.

Libraryghost · 14/07/2021 23:46

@Ideasplease322

It’s hard, I really struggle with it.

There is something about my personality that people don’t warm to. I think it’s because I was the poor, ugly, fat girl in school so now I feel I need to prove myself and, as a result, I come across as boastful. I remember overhearing a friends mum asking how could I afford a house when my family were so poor!

Feeling the need to constantly show people I am successful is a huge personality flaw and I am working on it. But friendships don’t stick and people cool off after a few months or years.

The thing is if I didn’t care what people think, I think more people would actually like me!!!

Bless you. People who matter won’t care what you have got. They will still be your friend whatever x
Blue4YOU · 14/07/2021 23:48

I’m firmly in the camp of not giving a shit.
I don’t think it’s ever occurred to me to worry if someone liked me.
Perhaps it’s because I had some nasty childhood experiences. I don’t know.
But I’ve really never cared about people liking me or rating me. Turns out, plenty of people do.
I still get people taking advantage and abusing me but I never worry about them liking me.
I worry about upsetting people but that is a different matter

Holothane · 14/07/2021 23:55

My family hated me I didn’t fit in even as an adult, I ditched and now happy, without having to be something I’m not.

MadameMonk · 14/07/2021 23:57

My 10yo recently had an epiphany about a friendship group problem. She really really likes to be liked by everyone. We’re working on it.

She came to me and said ‘Mum, if I was everybody’s ‘cup of tea’ then that wouldn’t make me a very special person would it? I’d just be normal, and a bit boring?’

I liked that a lot.

I think it’s important to have civil relationships in the workplace, to be respected and respectful. To use good manners, basically. But many people aren’t brought up with the skills to carry out even that basic level of behaviour up. You probably were, so feel free to feel a bit sorry for them and a teeny bit superior? It might defeat that unhelpful feeling of You being on the back foot?

Frazzledd · 15/07/2021 00:01

@Ideasplease322 You don't have a huge personality flaw, your past has had a knock on effect that makes you feel as if you constantly have something to prove.

Your successful now? Congratulations and well deserved by the sounds....now you need to let go of your past, it doesn't define you anymore, perhaps thank that little girl for giving you the drive to be where you are today and wave farewell!

And your right about stopping caring what people thiink, if you try too hard to be liked it comes across as disingenuous and needy, it's difficult to maintain friendships on those terms.

Have you ever said to a friend what you've just posted? I think you'd find more people would relate to you than you think!

JustLoveYourselfALittle · 15/07/2021 00:03

I don't give a toss. As chances are i don't like them either.
If ever they've spoken bad of me, lied or anything I've gone out of my way to prove them wrong. Then when they apologise. I say apology accepted now fuck off out of my life. Upper hand.

Megasausagehead · 15/07/2021 00:03

Give them a good reason

PickAChew · 15/07/2021 00:05

It's their problem. Live with it.

DeepDown12 · 15/07/2021 00:15

Tell yourself that it is not about liking but about respect when it comes to a workplace.

Ireolu · 15/07/2021 00:23

@MadameMonk so glad to read this after a particularly shitty day at work. You have a very clever 10 yr old.

OP ditto what has been said already. Ignore and enjoy life with the people that really matter.

BlackeyedSusan · 15/07/2021 00:27

there are always going to be people who do not like you beacuse they disagree on politics, or they are different personalities and don't like quiet/talkative people, or people feel insecure and don't like people who do well as they also have low self esteem, or you remind them of their least favourite teacher, or...

JanuaryJonez · 15/07/2021 00:37

IME the average person doesn't actually like that many people.

They hopefully like all or most of their extended family and they like their close friends.

Beyond that though, they'll choose to get on with another person they are forced to see regularly if it suits them, ie school gates, at work, weekly sports etc.

But if something happens that upsets the dynamic, ie your promotion, people are usually quick to pile on and get a bit mean with anyone who they're not really close with.

It's just the way it is unfortunately, so don't take it personally. You'll soon grow a thicker skin and just focus on the people that really matter to you.

Mickey Flanagan's sketch about neighbours illustrates this quite well!

PopcornMuncher · 15/07/2021 00:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.