How to deal with people not liking you?

[prettyinpink23x]

Hi everyone,
I try my best to be as nice as possible and go out of my way to help people. I heard today some people in work have been talking negatively about me because I got a promotion. I get its human nature, I’ve gossiped about people but how do I get over people not liking me? I probably need to get a thicker skin but I’m quite sensitive.
Is there a way to get over this? My self esteem is quite low anyway.

By not caring if they like me or not. I have better things to concern myself with.

I don’t like everyone, so why should everyone like me?

What matters is whether you like yourself. If you do, that’s great. If you don’t, you need to work on that. I only mention it because the need to people-please can sometimes be due to low self-esteem.

I remind myself that I can only control my own behaviour, not how others perceive it. I find that quite freeing.

Nobody’s perfect and I accept not everyone will like me in life, but as long as I have a clear conscience about how I behave/interact with others then that’s all I can do. And as long as I’m liked by the important people in my life that’s all that matters!

Ok, so discussing this causes people to respond in cliches and platitudes. Which isn’t always helpful..There’s no easy answer actually. Really it’s about fit And people clicking with you . It’s not an exact science, it’s subjective, it’s not always right or fair. People consciously and subconsciously make snap judgments about others

My grandmother said something to me when I was around 18 that was a life changer. She said, "It's always the people who don't even know you who say they don't like you."

IT'S TRUE.

These jealous, bitter bitches at your work don't even know you. They are just miserable and feel shit about themselves, so it's easier for them to focus their insecurities on someone else instead of improving themselves.

Fuck them.

I think it helps if you like yourself.

Coco Chanel: "I don't care what people think of me. I don't think about them at all."

Congratulations on your promotion! I hope you really enjoy your new role and thrive in it.

Avoid gossips; coolly deflect them with a polite "Oh, really?" and waft away. People who spread nastiness in the workplace are so unprofessional.

Is there a way to get over this? My self esteem is quite low anyway.

What helps me is to think about why they don't like me.

Was I a total bitch to them unnecessarily? I should maybe learn from that, and be less of a bitch.

Did I accidentally offend them by blurting something out? Apologise to them, and try to be more tactful in future. If they still can't get over it there's not much I can do.

Did I get a promotion and they dislike me for that? Fuck 'em. Their liking is not something I seek.

I also had one boss who pointed out that you don't go to work to make friends, you go to work to do your job.

I found that helpful. And I did make some friends, as it turned out, but not with everyone.

To ask everyone you meet to like you is too big an ask.

I also struggled with this at times in my life but now I accept that I just won’t be everyone’s cup of tea and that’s ok! Just as you may not like a certain tv programme/band/meal, some people won’t take to you - this is about them & not remotely a reflection on you (assuming you are a generally good person & not an axe murderer). Continue to be your lovely self around these people, don’t let their bad attitude run off on your or even enter your mindset in any way. Their view on you is really irrelevant. Perhaps they have appalling taste in everything including people? Ho hum, their loss! Life is short, worrying about how others perceive you is a waste of precious time. It took me a long time to truly life this way, I wish I leaned it earlier.

PS Most people are generally too wrapped up in their own stuff to have strong feelings about things that don’t immediately affect them. That’s useful to bear in mind, both to put things into perspective and to understand why people-pleasing is a game you can never win.

A couple of people have a bee in their bonnets about you? Most other people won’t care either way. There’s nothing you can do about any of it - their feelings, or lack thereof, are theirs. You can’t control them so don’t waste your time and effort trying.

some people are going to be jealous or resentful at your success, it's just human nature. In a professional environment if you act professional, respectful and demonstrate your capability for your job these types of people usually come round.

A wise woman once told me:
'Other peoples opinions of you are none of your business'

I've found over the years a lot of people dont like me on sight. I've put it down to a combination of being painfully shy (which can come across as arrogant or snobby) and having one of those faces where unless i'm grinning I look murderous, there is no inbetween. I'm not a bubbly person, i'm useless at small talk and i'm not one of those sickly sweet people who go around social media spewing hearts.
I am however generally a nice person, i'll go out of my way to help someone and i'm very loyal. I'm also much softer than I come across, most people realise this once they get to know me, and I always hear the same thing "I expected you to be SUCH a bitch". Well, if people cant see past the way I look that says far more about the type of person they are than the type of person I am and I wouldn't want them as friends anyway. That's how I tend to look at it now i'm older but it did used to really bother me.

Repeat this to yourself when things like this bother you. “I don’t give a shit about this.” If you keep telling yourself you don’t give a shit you will eventually actually not give a shit .

Just think of it this way - do you like everybody ? Probably not. So why would you think that everybody should like you ?

I’ve learned that if I really actually like myself and I have good friends that like me and enjoy my company I really dont care if everyone doesn’t like me. I also realise that if I overhear people gossiping it doesn’t mean that’s what they personally think, gossip breeds a pack mentality that people get caught up in.

Good advice in general has been given on this thread, but for this specific situation - OP you admit you gossip yourself! Now not judging you, who doesn't gossip occasionally. But when you have done this, did it mean you hated that person and thought about them all the time? No, you just had an annoyance and discussed it, then probably forgot about it. This happens all the time at work and in fact in every situation, you can like or feel neutral towards someone, while also being annoyed by them occasionally.

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

My parents never really liked me. A positive of that is that it really took the sting out of anyone else taking a dislike hahaha

Aw bless you love.

Every cloud, I suppose ...

It just isn’t possible to be liked by absolutely everyone (unless you’re Tom Hanks possibly). I imagine you also don’t like everyone you meet? Just let it go, and congratulations on your promotion! 🥂

You dont need to be liked at work, you need to be respected. Some of the people I have worked best with I wouldnt choose to spend time with outside of work because we are just so different. But that makes for a killer working relationship. Separate friends and colleagues in your mind.

In my life / why do I smile / At people I would much rather / Kick in the eye.

Not suggesting for a moment that you turn out like the author of that song, though.

The problem isn't you OP, the problem is them and their bitterness. Let them be jealous, hold your head up high and be proud of your promotion (congratulations btw)

**I try my best to be as nice as possible and go out of my way to help people

I think the first step in not caring about what people think about you is to stop acting like this. You’re bound to be hurt when people don’t like you because you’ve put effort into trying to get them to. Just be straightforward with people. Have boundaries. Voice your opinion. Your thoughts will follow your actions and you will realise your priority is yourself and not what people think of you.
Ironically people will start liking you more when you care less.

I am a lovely human being. I’m kind, funny, generous and loyal. If people aren’t able to see that or just don’t find my brand of lovely appealing then that’s not my problem. I don’t need everyone to like me just my special people. I don’t like everyone I meet. Basically it’s not my problem if people don’t like me and I just ignore it, it doesn’t bother me.