Why is she not safeguarding her child?

[Blessedbethefruit01]

I've changed my username as this could be quite outing.

This is about my nephew who is almost 2. My Dsis hired a nanny a few months ago and she told me last weekend some concerning things.
This nanny takes my nephew out 1 day a week to a toddler group. My nephew came home saying "Andy gone" ( not the persons name). My sister thought it was odd but realised it was the name of her nanny's husband. She questioned the nanny and apparently she got awkward and said " errrrr, yea maybe ben (not his name) did meet andy, i can't remember"
My sister was annoyed because she had not given permission for ben to be around anyone else. Also the fact the nanny didn't tell my Dsis sounds off. My Dsis also said she swears after the nanny had been out she looked like she was in different clothes, but she cannot be sure. Said the nanny lives within walking distance of this group.
My Dsis also has said this nanny will be on her phone when she is supposed to be looking after Ben and not engaging with him. This nanny is not young, so it is not lack of experience she over middle age.
The thing i'm most concerned about is that apparently my nephews behaviour has changed and he is being aggressive especially at his nursery.
Me and my DM have said to my Dsis to get rid of her. My Dsis agreed. Today i found out my Dsis is cutting this woman's days down to one but is still letting my nephew go out with her every other week!!!
Why would you do this when this woman has broken her trust and let some stranger see her son. The nanny tried to hide it by not telling my Dsis. In my eyes that would be the end of the working relationship.
I just don't get why she is still letting him go with her, I've even told her if she wants a break I will have my nephew.

I think you should back off actually. This is not your child. You’ve raised your concerns.

@SmidgenofaPigeon

I think you should back off actually. This is not your child. You’ve raised your concerns.

No he is not but he is family. How can you trust a nanny with your child when she is not 100% honest. My nephews behaviour would not change just like that and i am concerned. Would you sit back and watch and then if something happened say " well i raised my concerns"

But nothing has actually happened. What do you actually think you should do? Call the police?

It's none of your business. I understand your frustrations and concerns, but it isn't your child. There is nothing further you can do.

I understand why you're concerned and I'd feel the same. But I don't know what you can do about it.

So what do you expect to do about it? It’s your sisters choice and presumably the nanny is registered

@SmidgenofaPigeon this is her nephew. So it is her business.

I would feel the same as you OP. But what worries me is your Nephews sudden change of behaviour. That is a red flag

It is your business as your sister discussed her concerns to you and it's your nephew. Ignore the twatty posters.

His behaviour changing is very odd and concerning.

I'd be wondering why she needed her husband around him? That would worry me.

Have a proper conversation with your sister and say your concerns.

Bloody banana fingers!
A change in behaviour is worrying, of course, but I wouldn't think meeting people to be a bad thing in itself.

I don't understand what the issue with the nanny taking the child out and meeting people is.

@LtDansleg

So what do you expect to do about it? It’s your sisters choice and presumably the nanny is registered

I don't know if she is, I don't even think she has references. My Dsis told my she isn't originally from this area and they moved from a different place.

And now my original message disappey,! FFS!

Anyway, what I had typed basically said

I wouldn't be concerned at all about a child meeting the nanny's husband. Kids meet people all the time and should for normal development. It wouldn't be a case of giving permission to meet, it wouldn't even occur to me that they wouldn't. Unless there's some child protection backstory, I would think of it as entirely normal.

@SmidgenofaPigeon

But nothing has actually happened. What do you actually think you should do? Call the police?

How would you know though? A almost 2 year old can't told you if anything inappropriate has happened. Why would she not tell my Dsis that she met up with her husband while she was suppose to be at a baby group with my nephew? She knew she wasn't suppose to and that is why she didn't tell my Dsis.

[quote drpet49]@SmidgenofaPigeon this is her nephew. So it is her business.

I would feel the same as you OP. But what worries me is your Nephews sudden change of behaviour. That is a red flag[/quote]
Yes my thoughts exactly. It is a red flag to me too.
My partner is a safeguarding lead and also agrees with me that this is concerning.

@Anonymous48

I don't understand what the issue with the nanny taking the child out and meeting people is.

She was suppose to take him to a baby group, not meet up with her husband who my Dsis has never met. It's the not telling my sister and acting odd when put on the spot that is concerning. Obviously if the nanny spoke to someone at the baby group thats hardly concerning.

I find all the minimising here very strange.

YANBU to be concerned OP. And your sister has been very lax if she’s not got references!

@KrisAkabusi

And now my original message disappey,! FFS!

Anyway, what I had typed basically said

I wouldn't be concerned at all about a child meeting the nanny's husband. Kids meet people all the time and should for normal development. It wouldn't be a case of giving permission to meet, it wouldn't even occur to me that they wouldn't. Unless there's some child protection backstory, I would think of it as entirely normal.

It's not the meeting the husband, it's the not telling my sister and acting odd when asked if my nephew had met him. She was being very vague apparently. Why not say to my Dsis " oh i met up with andy today, Ben thought he was funny" If you are taking care of someone's child you need to be transparent.

If she lives that close to the group, how do you know she didn't take him and then pop home?

The behaviour change can be pretty normal for 2 year olds and your sister should've had a word with the Nanny about her phone when she saw her using it.

@Merryoldgoat

I find all the minimising here very strange.

YANBU to be concerned OP. And your sister has been very lax if she’s not got references!

Thank you, i know i'm quite baffled too! Would these posters let their child go off with anyone? Meet anyone without them knowing? Maybe they are being naive to the potential some people have.

And it's not 'minimising', it's just different people's viewpoints.

Some are more relaxed than others and some are obsessed with the word 'safeguarding', which seems to be very popular of late on MN.

@WorraLiberty

And it's not 'minimising', it's just different people's viewpoints.

Some are more relaxed than others and some are obsessed with the word 'safeguarding', which seems to be very popular of late on MN.

"more relaxed"....... Meaning letting children be more vulnerable to abusive situations. I think you are very ignorant to the world. Maybe nothing has happened to my nephew and I pray it hasn't but you never know people. Especially ones you hardly know and not being transparent with my Dsis.

What was the concern about her wearing different clothes? I didn't understand that bit

I don’t understand why you are posting on here OP and not lurking outside your sisters house wearing a trench coat , sunglasses and clutching a camera with a photo lens

I can't help but sometimes think it is sad that every action or word can be deemed as a "safeguarding" issue. As a foster carer I've had to go on a million courses and of course have been involved in many serious cases of child abuse. But I still somehow think that jumping to the worst possible conclusion on no evidence can often be damaging too. I'd probably be struck off for saying so though.

@viques

I don’t understand why you are posting on here OP and not lurking outside your sisters house wearing a trench coat , sunglasses and clutching a camera with a photo lens

Aren't you hilarious!

So sorry for caring about family, what a strange thing to do eh??