Aibu in thinking my brother is horrible person

[Sleeplessem]

So, I’ve posted on relationships for a hand hold for DF in critical care. Consultants called us today to say they don’t think there is anything more they can do. Mum was distraught and spoke to another consultant and they are willing to give him more time and add more antibiotics and meds to try and ‘prove them wrong’- to which my brother replied- ugh it’s just dragging this out. He’s made several other cold comments that are so hurtful. I’m 5 months pregnant and started having pains so they sent me to triage and thankfully everything is ok but my BP was low and there were ketones in my wee so they said I needed to eat more. Bro was out smoking (4:55 just before shop closed, he was smoking by the shop) mum asked for him to get me a snack and he refused. My mum and I took a taxi to the hospital because I felt too shaky to drive, she asked if he could take us to a restaurant as he drove, it would be otw home for him, he refused.

The big thing for me is, my dad needed aspiration so I asked if he would ask the nurses as he was closestTo the door , he scoffed and refused. I’m said, in anger I’ll admit ‘why are you being such a horrid person’ he nearly stormed out but my mum talked him down. I was upset so I asked the nurses to do it myself and went for a breather to the loo, i came back and he was complaining and making nasty comments about there being too many tubes and wires and waiting here for no reason (my dad is on life support) I walked into this and my mum begging for him to not make these comments and he said well I’m a horrid person according to this c*nt, meaning me, and I said maybe it’s because you talk like that to people at a time like this. He stood up and said ‘you f’ing what’ took his rubber gloves off aggressively and got right up in my face, pushed past me and kicked me in the shins otw out. It’s just made this day so much harder, I needed to vent.

He’s nearly 30 btw and he’s always been uncaring, aggressive and the type of man that would steal x mas money from his elderly grandmother (he did that when he was 23)

This is disgusting right, beyond grief because he doesn’t seem to care…

That’s great news about your Dad hopefully he is in the road to recovery now. Please god you will be home to your own family soon to relax and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. We have similar family members and when a parent died they carried on exactly like your brother. The rest of us decided to not engage with them when they had an outburst we left it to to the other parent to deal with as they had created this monster and we cared for the ill parent. If we had engaged with them it would have made the situation worse so we didn’t. It’s an awful situation to be in and makes everything so much more stressful

Very disheartened to see the number of people expecting you to make allowances for the abusive behaviour of a person in their 30's. Regardless of the trauma experienced, as an adult it is your responsibility to avoid hurting people, not anyone else's.

I can't offer much in the way of advice, as previous posters have already made some very good suggestions, but I hope you have someone supportive and understanding to decompress with after all the stress you're experiencing. You seem to be putting aside a lot of awful history with the two people who hurt you when you were most vulnerable, just to be there for your DF, and you should be praised for that. Not guilt tripped.

And anyone who thinks that asking an adult to pop out to speak to a nurse for ten seconds is bugging them, and deserving of abuse, needs to seriously give their head a wobble.

It is so sad about your DF and I am very very sorry💐

Looking from a distance I would say that you should try to only think of your DF and your baby and your DM for now. These are precious moments with your DF and your baby is meeting him in a way. Don’t lose this time.

Try to forget your brother. Don’t ask him to do anything.

Who knows what is on his mind. Some people’s grief shows as anger and nastiness. It also seems as though something went wrong in him a long time ago. But don’t let his behaviour overshadow this priceless time.

As someone who has a narcissistic parent, I spent the first 40 years of life believing that my mother could change. It took many months of counselling to realise people sadly don’t become the people we want them to be or deserve. It’s either accepting them for who they are and basing your relationship on that or alternatively shutting them out of your life. Very difficult situation especially when it’s a parent. When you have the space to do so, figure out what you want out of the relationship with your mum/brother but for the moment look after yourself and hope you’re getting good support from you DH.

What your brother experienced is abuse, the thought of a mother inviting a child to join in with physical abuse on another sibling makes my stomach turn. If he hadn't assaulted a pregnant woman I would feel sorry for him.

I'm glad your DF is feeling a little better. I hope you can get back to your family soon

What good news about your DF.
Now, it is time for you to really just think about yourself and your baby, speak to your husband, and try to rest after this hellish time.

@WheresTheLambSauce

Very disheartened to see the number of people expecting you to make allowances for the abusive behaviour of a person in their 30's. Regardless of the trauma experienced, as an adult it is your responsibility to avoid hurting people, not anyone else's.

I can't offer much in the way of advice, as previous posters have already made some very good suggestions, but I hope you have someone supportive and understanding to decompress with after all the stress you're experiencing. You seem to be putting aside a lot of awful history with the two people who hurt you when you were most vulnerable, just to be there for your DF, and you should be praised for that. Not guilt tripped.

And anyone who thinks that asking an adult to pop out to speak to a nurse for ten seconds is bugging them, and deserving of abuse, needs to seriously give their head a wobble.

Thank you @WheresTheLambSauce. I’m surprised too by how many people are willing to excuse his behaviour or make allowances as he ‘might be suffering too’. Unfortunately my mother says the same (re my dad being unwell not child abuse or neglect). I know the MN reaction would be v different if I said it was DH who acted this way not DB, this baffles me.

I’ve arranged to speak to DFs consultant tomorrow and ill be returning home.

Today a sister pulled DB aside about the outburst yesterday and today as it was witnessed from outside by a HCA, so I think he’s been told he’ll be removed if it happens again xx