My husband doesn’t like this?

[Hijabigirl234]

Hi so I got married 7 years ago now, 2 kids aged 5&4( next week) I left my home town 7 years ago when I got married to live with my husband, since that time I’ve never made any friends and ended up suffering with depression and aniexty over it. My husband has never encouraged me either to make friends etc or even offer to have the kids whilst I make time for myself. My son is about to finish nursery and I’ve been speaking to another mum their for the past year whilst they’ve been at nursery, our sons are about to go into the same class together in reception too. We are both on the nursery group chat together too and today we was talking and she said to me let’s do something next week with the kids like go to a park, she has a daughter about a year older than my daughter too. I felt nervous as it’s not something I’ve done before but I told her it sounds like a good idea so we exchanged our numbers on the group chat to arrange something for next week. I told my husband as I really felt happy about it even though a bit nervous as it’s out of my comfort zone I think this would be good for me to finally start making friends and my husband seemed to have a problem with it being sarcastic to me and telling me to be careful. I asked him what his problem was as I’ve been speaking to her for a year plus she knows the other mums very well and that’s what school mums do meet up somewhere to chat and take the kids too? AIBU to think this is a normal thing or is my husband right that I should be careful? I kind of feel like he is trying to isolate me now as he’s never encouraged me to make friends and when I seem to be making friends he has a problem with it and tries to put me off by scaring me into thinking something bad is going to happen if I meet up with her and kids.

Yes it's perfectly normal to go to the park with other school mums, enjoy a coffee and even have a night out. That's how you make friends.

Is he always a controlling prick?

Your husbands sounds like a controlling twat.

Enjoy your trip to the park and hopefully it will help you make friends and actually have a life.

It’s normal to do this

It’s not normal for your husband to control what you do

It's perfectly normal. Not that it makes any difference but what is he suggesting you be careful of?

It sounds like he has been very happy for you to have been isolated all these years and doesn't like the idea of you having new friends.

That isn't a healthy relationship to be in. Is he controlling in other ways?

He sounds like controlling bully. He likes things the way they are. He doesn't want you to have friends...have outside interests...or be happy! Is this what you want for the rest of your life?

Normal to meet other mums like this and normal to be nervous about it!

Has he explained what exactly his issue or concern is - because it’s very hard to think of any sane reason why you shouldn’t. It’s also worrying that not only is he fine with you not having made friends (& the fact that it’s making you unhappy), but also that he is actively trying to sabotage it.

Also a man who has never had the kids on his own is not really in a position to tell you what you do or don’t do with them (especially as you are suggesting meeting at a park, it’s not as if you’re planning on a day of white water rafting & knife juggling..). Seven years is a long time to be kept a prisoner in your own home & it sounds like this specific problem is the tip of the iceberg. Does he have friends? What does he do outside of work & how much fun do you have together generally?

He sounds like controlling bully

I agree. I didn't know anyone when we moved to the village we live in. Most of the friends I have are through toddler group and school.

If you are new to an area it is normal to make friends through your children. Please don't let him control you and not allow you to have friends.

He sounds awful.

What does he even mean by "be careful"? Be careful of what?

What stopped you making friends before you had your children?

Its perfectly normal and how you make friends. Have a lovely time out with the kids. Just laugh at your husband when he says silly things. (If I followed my husbands advice all the time I would never go anywhere or speak to anyone....I just laugh and go anyway. He's ok really - he just wouldn't want to go himself).

I'll put money on him wanting another baby now you're getting your freedom back. Of course there's nothing bad that can happen, having friends is normal. If you aren't in a position to go back to work, try volunteering in the school and start to build up your confidence. As you do, you'll find your DH will try to play on your anxiety to keep you in. Put your foot down.

Why are you expecting your husband to “encourage” friendships and “offer” to look after HIS kids? Make friends, leave the kids with him when you need time and make him respect you!

Unless you're under witness protection or live in Mogadishu, your 'D'H is being very controlling.

Oh op, doing this is very normal and was vital for me during maternity leaves etc ie way before now. Sounds like it has suited your H nicely that you are completely dedicated at home. Go and have a great time and maybe you can suggest meeting up just mum's for a walk or a coffee etc. Do you have any hobbies or interests that could help you getting to know others as a separate person to your family?

He's being controlling and trying to instil fear in you with his vague nonsense about caution.

I am confused why you think you needed his encouragement to make friends though, most people just make friends without any spousal involvement.

What sort of husband will not encourage the well-being of his wife?
And , what sort if father will actively discourage the development of his children? You know, those children that will have to navigate successfully in the word.

Words fail me.

It sounds like he prefers you anxious with no friends because a happy confident wife might dump his controlling arse leave him.

What exactly does he think you need to be careful about? Is the mum a recently released murderer or is he concerned she’s going to come onto you?

Have a lovely time with your new friend, it's not for him to 'like' or not, seeing as you are a person with your own life.

Be careful of what?!

His reaction isn't normal. He should be delighted that you are trying to make friends. Obviously it suits him for you to feel isolated.

It sounds to me like he was very happy for you to be in your box and at his service, as sort of non person really.
A man who loves you wants your life to be happy, 3 dimensional, for you to be able to look after your mental and physical health etc.
Does your husband want these things for you or not?
Does he want his children to have these things or not?

You do not need approval or permission from your Dh to go and meet new friends. Get out there, make friends and pay no attention to his controlling nonsense.

Yes, this is controlling.

Do you have access to money or does he control that too?

Tell him that it isn't his decision and you will do as you see fit.

Very weird thing to say. He should be happy for you