To have kept DD8 off school because I can't afford a costume?

[Barkus]

Every term there is a new Class Topic and a dress up day where the whole class is required to turn up to school in costume.

If you're not a crafty Mary Poppins-esque supermum who can produce a hand made costume over a weekend, you are forced to purchase a costume (usually from Amazon in the range of £12-£25).

AIBU to have kept DD off today because I am not a crafty supermum and cannot possibly afford the costume.

You are unreasonable to keep her off school.

I'd suggest contacting the school and making them aware that dress up days are problematic and sugesting that they limit the number of days or try to focus on the children making something to wear themselves.

However in the meantime most themes can be sorted from normal household items and clothing with little or no skill or cost. It doesn't need to be a big deal, but it does require some thought.

I would suggest a post on here or on Facebook asking for free or low budget ideas a week or so before the event. Involve your child too, the point of these events is not about buying something on Amazon it is about the child thinking about the theme and getting involved. They might not be able to make a whole costume but they can come up with ideas and do some making.

To make it easier keep old scruffy clothes adults and children's plus sheets, towels, curtains etc rather than binning them. Also keep a few cardboard boxes from deliveries and any other bits that could be useful. Plain white t-shirts, black t-shirts and black leggings are especially useful.

Start the process as soon as you hear about the theme, don't leave it to the last minute.

For lots of themes you can do stuff with existing clothes. So think about characters that wear normal clothes or variations on normal clothes like sports kit, party clothes, any previous fancy dress costumes etc.

Adding simple items found around the house or made from cardboard or a sheet or using make-up gives you more scope.

Lots of people on here will help with ideas. Some examples:
World Book Day - Charlie from Charlie and the chocolate factory, wear normal clothes and make a "golden ticket" or George from George's marvelous medicine, wear normal clothes take a bottle or a saucepan and spoon.
Victorians - chimney sweep/coal miner/newspaper boy/urchin. Normal dark clothes and a blackened face. If possible add a prop like a shovel/brush/newspaper.
Romans - white sheet knotted and pinned to make a toga wear with sandals.
Egyptian - use the sheet and add eyeliner.
Farming - jeans, wellies, shirt/jumper/fleece = farmer add some mud and a toy animal for added effect. Alternatively wear black trousers and top, a white scarf, make a tail from the leg of some black tights and some ears from card, black eyeliner whiskers = sheepdog. If you don't have a white scarf the same can be used for the farm cat.
Jobs/careers - normal clothes and use a bit of white paper to make a vicar's collar. Normal clothes and a home made warrant card for a detective. Normal clothes and a lanyard can become pretty much anything. Sports kit for a professional sports person or PE teacher.

I think its true though that there's a world of difference between smuggly decorating a school jumper for environmental reasons, at a school where lots of other MC parents are doing the same, whilst knowing that you could have bought something if you wanted to and being forced to send your DC in something very different to their classmates because you don't have the cash to spare.

At the deprived are school I worked at, no one had homemade costumes and parents did compete to buy the best. In the more affluent area, some parents pushed the boats out with homemade creations, some cobbled something together with things they had and some went to Amazon.

TBH it amazes me that primary school teachers do genuinely seem to enjoy these days and spend a lot of time and money on their own costumes, without begrudging it. For me they were nothing but a nuisance.

Really sad for your daughter to miss out because you're worried about her not having an amazing or expensive costume. You're teaching her that what you have is more important than having fun.

No matter what the theme is you can do something very simple. Eg buy a pack of cheap plain white t-shirts from Tesco, use Sharpies to draw on them to fit into any theme. Or cut out a mask from cardboard, or draw on the back of an old cereal box and hang it round her neck. If you're not artistic why not get your daughter involved in drawing something for herself and praise her for what she's created, even if it looks rubbish she can be proud of making it herself.

Or if there really isn't anything she can wear as a costume just send her in in home clothes so she can enjoy the day.

I never buy costumes specially, always use clothes or dressing up things we already have, or make something super simple as above. You're envisaging a problem where there doesn't need to be one.

YABU and it sounds like you just can’t be arsed which has resulted in your child missing another day of school.

As PPs have said there’s a variety of options you could have explored, if you could be bothered.

@Demelza82

I wish people wouldnt lie and just say they don't want to buy something rather than using the 'cant afford it' excuse.

Some people genuinely can't afford it, some don't want to waste the money buying something to wear once. Either position is perfectly valid.

It doesn't stop at high school. My teen had careers day and had to wear office suitable clothing (not uniform). I bought her a black skirt as she genuinely had nothing suitable to wear. DD is 3 dress sizes smaller than me so borrowing mine not an option (and lots of parents won't work in offices) Lots were staying off according to DD.

There's loads of ideas online for cheap costumes or someone local will have some second hand stuff as their kids did that topic previously. Stop being a defeatist and be a parent who uses their imagination.

In DCs school they say kids can go wearing their favourite clothes instead

@lastqueenofscotland that's brilliant 🤣

I wouldn’t keep a child off. Though I sympathise with your position; the stigma of poverty is horrible.

Talk to the teacher; explain your situation. Ask if school or PTA has a fund for helping subsidise such things. If they don’t, ask if they can reduce the number of dressing up days.

Aside from that, just hunt through your child’s clothes for anything that will do. One of my favourite dressing up things as a child was a pair of fairy wings my DF fashioned out of a cardboard box and painted with glitter paint. I loved those wings. I wish I’d kept them.

My sons been funny about wearing dress up to school since prob aged 7. Now if it’s a onesie day or something silly he just wears dress down. Jogging bottoms t shirt.

These things are a complete pain.

With my eldest I made a bit of an effort...he had to be a street urchin, an evacuee and Charlie and the chocolate factory one year...all the same outfit with varying degrees of holes/grubby.

For historical costumes my neighbour sent her daughter in a bed sheet with head and arm holes cut out and a rope belt round the middle. She then argued that female clothing had changed surprisingly little over several centuries...she was a bit of a history enthusiast.

My second child is Autistic and hates dressing up so he went in his own clothes...nobody ever said anything.

Caspar the friendly ghost? A white raggedy sheet and a white pillowcase with cutout holes for the eyes?

Can't believe all these stupid comments about drawing on a white t-shirt. Yeah, alright I suppose if the theme is relevant, if you have a white t-shirt you're happy to ruin or can afford the bus fare to get to asda just to buy one then throw it away?? As the child who had nothing and family couldn't afford anything (and my parents didn't care even if they had been able to!), it's humiliating. And you can't just go as whatever you like if it's themed, especially if it's a shit costume. It's fucking embarrassing and if you'd do that to your kid then I feel really sorry for them ... the people suggesting this have obviously never been in the position where that's your only option. You were right to keep her off, I wish I didn't have to go in my uniform and be the odd one out when everyone else went in great costumes.

Managed to get mine through compulsory schooling without ever paying for a costume or making one - you just take a very liberal interpretation of the theme using stuff you already have or can find in the garden /garage eg book day = worst witch most years (school uniform, dads tie, tabby cat toy, witches hat from Halloween was 50p from asda), school fete movie theme, well Lara Croft was a good one (khaki shorts, white top, supersoaker), Victorian theme - school shirt, trousers, dads grandads cap ....

Really sad for your daughter to miss out because you're worried about her not having an amazing or expensive costume. You're teaching her that what you have is more important than having fun

There is an assumption in this comment that all children think dressing up is fun. They don't.

I remember breathing a sigh of relief when ds went to secondary school: no more dressing up days, hurrah. Until they decided to have a fancy dress tug of war on the last day of Y7...ds didn't bother staying after school for it (his choice).

it should be kids using their creativity to come up with costumes from whatever is lying around

yeah right - as if kids make their own costumes unless they are a bit older and very creative and talented

And again there is an assumption here - that people have things lying around. Some people are hoarders and have stuff "lying around" Others are not. A dad's grandad cap? We don't have anything like that in our house. And yes we had to go to Peacocks on a last minute errand to buy a cheap and nasty Christmas jumper when ds "needed" one. Although actually on that occasion we managed to get something quite nice that he was able to use for a few years.

Yes, I agree comments about "just" buying a "cheap" this or that, just demonstrate that some people have no idea how tough some other people's lives are.

@EverythingWillFallInLine I agree with everything you said.

As one of the poorest students with otherwise wealthy classmates, it was really, really rubbish to have stuff that was 'cobbled together' and damn right I cared as I was virtually always the only odd one out.

And when you're poor, you don't always even have the stuff necessary to even put something together, especially not something that actually looks half decent.

My son is being assessed for autism and he'd struggle for completely different reasons aka if the outfit doesn't match what he's pictured in his head.

Cross posted with @Gooseberrypies as well, there was no spare t-shirt to wreck or I would've been stuck wearing it until I outgrew it. And the raggedy bedding was used for the bed.

And my mum was good at putting stuff together and she did care very much, but you need the fabrics in the right colour and the little accessories to make things actually look right and the cost of these can soon add up.

I think its true though that there's a world of difference between smuggly decorating a school jumper for environmental reasons, at a school where lots of other MC parents are doing the same, whilst knowing that you could have bought something if you wanted to and being forced to send your DC in something very different to their classmates because you don't have the cash to spare.
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I'm not being smug..i'm actually very worried about the environment. the impact of millions of cheap nasty jumpers for xmas every year is horrific. Add in school play outfits, book day, victorian day, Egyptian day etc etc.

We should be teaching these children about the impact on the environment.

I sent my daughter in an up cycled dress on victorian day...no way I was buying a dowdy polyester dress for one day.

My gs's live with me and by the end of primary school they absolutely loathed dressing up days. I got round this by letting them go in their football kits and they could say they were whoever they wanted from a sports book. Nothing was ever said.

But some parents actually dyed their child's hair for the day and then sulked when they did not win the prize. It was a forgone conclusion anyway in this particular primary.

Its horrible feeling pressured like this for financial reasons, time reasons, lack of support etc. This week we have been asked to donate a minimum of £5 for a non uniform day and a sponsored walk to support a charity. When I came to pay, the amount was listed at £100 and you had to change it to give the £5 minimum. It was presented as £5 to pay, pay a bit more if you wish.

YABU as there are other options. Improvise at home, don't send the child in wearing a costume, ask the school if they have anything (they often keep spares leftover from previous years which have been donated by parents) or ask about on your Facebook to see if someone can lend you a costume.

@bobby6678

I think its true though that there's a world of difference between smuggly decorating a school jumper for environmental reasons, at a school where lots of other MC parents are doing the same, whilst knowing that you could have bought something if you wanted to and being forced to send your DC in something very different to their classmates because you don't have the cash to spare. ------

I'm not being smug..i'm actually very worried about the environment. the impact of millions of cheap nasty jumpers for xmas every year is horrific. Add in school play outfits, book day, victorian day, Egyptian day etc etc.

We should be teaching these children about the impact on the environment.

I sent my daughter in an up cycled dress on victorian day...no way I was buying a dowdy polyester dress for one day.

Yes I couldn't agree more. Far better than funding Amazon.

Yes I couldn't agree more. Far better than funding Amazon.

I agree too, I'm just saying it's much different making that choice when it is a choice than when you can't buy something.
Also, the "culture" is very different from school to school. In a school where most people have the choice, many will chose the environmental option, but in poor areas most won't and those that do will (feel like they) look like they've done it because they've too tight or too poor to buy a "proper" costume, especially if they know that was actually the case.