To have kept DD8 off school because I can't afford a costume?

[Barkus]

Every term there is a new Class Topic and a dress up day where the whole class is required to turn up to school in costume.

If you're not a crafty Mary Poppins-esque supermum who can produce a hand made costume over a weekend, you are forced to purchase a costume (usually from Amazon in the range of £12-£25).

AIBU to have kept DD off today because I am not a crafty supermum and cannot possibly afford the costume.

@Dindundundundeeer

It is hard to send kids in to school with no/very cobbled together costume when others look amazing

Only if you care

Why? Isn't that the fun of it.

That's sad for your DD8 and I think you could have organised yourself better (shout out on fb marketplace, spoken to school, charity shop).

Next time ask your local mums or zero waste Facebook group if anyone has a costume you could use. People fall over themselves on mine to help and people often don't ask because they can't afford the things, they just don't want to waste money buying new, so no one will judge you for asking.

@woodhill doing something crappily isn't fun if you are already conscious that your family's living standards are pretty low anyway. It's not a laugh or a novelty. It's just another thing you've done that's a bit shit.

@Iggly

I remember when my son was in infant school and designing a t-shirt with Tom Gates logo on the front and making a mask for him to wear for WBD, when the deputy teacher came in to the class room she took photos of only those children wearing shop bought costumes and those were the photos that went into the school newsletter along with the winner who wore a shop bought costume. The winner didn't bother me really but the fact she'd deliberately didn't photograph those wearing homemade costumes didn't sit well with me. I bought costumes then until my children went up to junior school. Costumes they wore for one day never to be worn again

How would you know it was deliberate???? That makes no sense

Because she chose only to photograph those wearing costumes. I'd say that was quite a conscious and deliberate act. It is definitely not something I would have chosen to do, I would have mixed it up.

I think you are being unreasonable. There are different kinds of learning that kids are encouraged to do in school. If kids are supposed to wear a historical costume, they are supposed to use their imagination in some way. Maybe interfering mums are buying costumes off Amazon. But it should be kids using their creativity to come up with costumes from whatever is lying around.

@woodhill Care what by others think. I’d reframe it, eco, effort, did our best, funny. I’m all about ‘good enough’, perfect is too much pressure most of the time. It can still be fun

A quick search on the internet normally throws up a load of cheap ideas for dressing up.

[quote EverythingWillFallInLine]@woodhill doing something crappily isn't fun if you are already conscious that your family's living standards are pretty low anyway. It's not a laugh or a novelty. It's just another thing you've done that's a bit shit.[/quote]
This is so insightful. People who have resources, who fit in socially have the luxury of being able to see the funny side of things, laugh at their crapness at one thing (making costumes).

Because she chose only to photograph those wearing costumes. I'd say that was quite a conscious and deliberate act. It is definitely not something I would have chosen to do, I would have mixed it up

Or they were better…?

@PrincessNutella

I think you are being unreasonable. There are different kinds of learning that kids are encouraged to do in school. If kids are supposed to wear a historical costume, they are supposed to use their imagination in some way. Maybe interfering mums are buying costumes off Amazon. But it should be kids using their creativity to come up with costumes from whatever is lying around.

Mmmm, I think this is what it SHOULD be about but I would wager rarely is. And it still requires input from the parents, an abundance of things lying around from which to choose, etc.

I never spent actual money on costumes and I'm certianly not crafty, I'd just Google "easy ideas for...." and there was always something I could cobble together from things we had.

However, lots of people do and if this is a monthly thing at your school, you should absolutely raise it. When I worked in a primary school, we knew that families who struggled, either through lack of funds or inclinaton and would find something for their children.

We didn't do a lot of dressing up for this reason mind. World book day was PJ day (for bedtime stories).

@Iggly

Because she chose only to photograph those wearing costumes. I'd say that was quite a conscious and deliberate act. It is definitely not something I would have chosen to do, I would have mixed it up

Or they were better…?

Sorry...but why are you hounding all my comments? Slow day for you is it?

Keeping her off school is quite an extreme response to a problem which has numerous solutions. Speak to the school, voice your concerns, they should be able to help you sort something. Our school outright bans bought costumes for environmental reasons (Eco council's idea apparently), but tbh it isn't very competitive, there aren't that many "crafty mums", most people are working so don't have time. Most kids have some version of normal clothes whenever it's dress up day. The school do facilitate this by picking themes that can quite easily be done with normal clothes (e.g. rainbow theme, diversity/heritage theme), and we don't have many dress up days a year. You could talk to the school about a different approach maybe, or join one of the Facebook groups specifically for passing on 2nd hand costumes. I find dressing up days a pita so have suggested tweeks to our school's policy, you should at least attempt that before keeping your child off school!

[quote Dindundundundeeer]@woodhill Care what by others think. I’d reframe it, eco, effort, did our best, funny. I’m all about ‘good enough’, perfect is too much pressure most of the time. It can still be fun[/quote]
Exactly 😊

We weren't exactly rolling in it but always had a dressing up box and bits and pieces.

I think it varies a lot by area. In poorer areas children are less likely to have cobbled together outfits - more likely to have a supermarket or amazon outfit. It's that fear of looking poor. I can see it's hard to send a child in an old scarf and a cardboard sign when everyone else has a shiny new dress up outfit. Whereas in a wealthier area mums have more time/craft resouces and think a diy outfit is superior - more creative, environmentally friendly etc. The parent there resorting to shop bought feels bad. Can't win.

Anyway I was quite good at sewing anyway so my creations were reasonable and mil made dd an outfit for Victorian day which got used for other events

Yes it was a PITA at times

I think you should have contacted the school beforehand and said you could not take part, and asked for some consideration for your child so as not to be unfairly singled out. If there was some judging of the costumes, perhaps your DD could have been one of the judges?

Oh I hate the multiple costumes per year lark. One year youngest DD had to dress up about 6 times... including for a member of staffs 60th birthday!

I am crafty/ good at sewing and have made some good costumes over the years (5 DC) but I’ll be buggered if I’m providing 6 new costumes per year. Luckily DD inherited a large rabbit onesie which stretched to 3 World Book Days!

And don’t get me started on Christmas Jumper Day ... £2 for school/charity, but £15 for Tesco/Primark; as well as the purchase of lots of unnecessary, environmentally unfriendly clothing made of artificial fibres (for many, not all)

I have a child who NEEDS the best costume, I am really good at making things (thank you Blue Peter) and a child who didn't like it. He was happy to go in his own clothes.

I'm not short of money, but I never bought things as it's terrible for the environment. I wouldn't even buy the xmas jumpers, we decorated school jumpers.

There's always something you can make, cheap and easy.

I absolutely HATE this kind of day. Am working full on full time.

@bobby6678

I have a child who NEEDS the best costume, I am really good at making things (thank you Blue Peter) and a child who didn't like it. He was happy to go in his own clothes.

I'm not short of money, but I never bought things as it's terrible for the environment. I wouldn't even buy the xmas jumpers, we decorated school jumpers.

There's always something you can make, cheap and easy.

Yes that's my take on life. I would rather improvise from stuff we already have than go and buy unnecessarily.

I think people spend their money on different things anyway

@FluffMagnet

Talk to the school. They shouldn't be putting this sort of financial burden on parents (also raises questions of consumerism and ecological and ethical implications for one day only)

I agree with this.

While we usually managed something okay - it did become an issue with their first primary school so many dress up days. Some parents had a word with the Head and it was cut right back. .

Second primary - it wasn't iniatlly an issue but it did creep up and they did give many options but not every child has something red/green/ sport top but I think many parents got fed up and many were strugglingfinancially that they started sending them in in just non-uniform.

YANBU to want to save your daughter embarrassment, and YANBU to think you shouldn’t be under financial pressure for days like this.

YABU to post on MN after the fact though. I expect a good, easy, free suggestion could have been made on here. Not a super craft type one!

Or suggestions like asking on Facebook groups. I see that often - people asking for free are well received.