To have kept DD8 off school because I can't afford a costume?

[Barkus]

Every term there is a new Class Topic and a dress up day where the whole class is required to turn up to school in costume.

If you're not a crafty Mary Poppins-esque supermum who can produce a hand made costume over a weekend, you are forced to purchase a costume (usually from Amazon in the range of £12-£25).

AIBU to have kept DD off today because I am not a crafty supermum and cannot possibly afford the costume.

She could have worn a nice coloured dress, an old hat with a flower on it, some sensible shoes,and bits of jewellery, and a handbag,,or maybe a makeshift crown, then she would have been a Queen,

I don't agree with this. You can get 2nd hand ones on eBay for less than £5. Out school had ones you can borrow, for free. You could ask on your local Facebook group. There's always mums on ours willing to help. You could make something. I am rubbish at such arty stuff but I can cobble together a couple of loo rolls, a bit of cornflake packet and make something. Your excuse is very very weak. No primary school child should be off for this reason.

Agree that these dress up days are utter crap. My son doesn't care and the novelty wears off after about 20 seconds. Speak to the school about how you feel. I feel like doing it sometimes. The last one they did (wear football colours) they gave us approximately 12 hours to organise. Very helpful.

The school should supply costumes if they are so hell bent on having them, or make something in class instead. They used to do this for Christmas plays at my school some 30 years ago and never asked the parents to supply them. I was in a deprived area though, so that's probably why, but I can't see why it now always falls on parents now - if anything, poverty has gotten worse in the last 30 years.

I have bought costumes myself, but it is the faff trying to find something that bothers me. It is also such a waste if worn for one day.

I think people are being harsh to the OP. Some parents go very OTT and it is one of those other opportunities for parents to display wealth, which I think is unfair. It is hard to send kids in to school with no/very cobbled together costume when others look amazing. I think you should just have activities to celebrate themes, why is it so necessary to dress up?

I wish people wouldnt lie and just say they don't want to buy something rather than using the 'cant afford it' excuse.

@Demelza82

I wish people wouldnt lie and just say they don't want to buy something rather than using the 'cant afford it' excuse.

But some people can't afford it, it's not a bloody lie! Are you really that clueless?

Can you genuinely not afford it or are you just being a tight arse?

I’ve seen a few peculiar comments by that poster.

How sad that she had to miss a day of school, probably a fun / relaxed day too, just because you couldn't sort out a costume. It's not that expensive or that difficult to source or make. Something basic would have been fine.

Where there's a will there's a way.
You could have sorted this out but are finding excuses.

I am 100% sure there are people who genuinely cannot afford to lash out £10-£15 on a costume (multiplied, if they have more than one child in the school), @Fangsalot89.

And these comments are why I wouldn’t mention it to the school, personally.

OP could ask some other mothers for ideas. I remember turning m son into a zebra from an old pair of leggins, a black marker pen and some knitting wool, no cost at all.

This cannot be a genuine question.

Years ago, I spoke to an assistant and said I was useless at sewing. She said no problem, each time one of those sorts of things came along, they would either get something from the "box" or she would personally do a bit of sewing herself as she loved everything about it.
Wonderful!
There are actually lots of mums and teachers/assistants who love this sort of thing.
I used to do other things for the school, and they used to help me out with sewing costumes. Seemed good to me.

@Jangle33

This cannot be a genuine question.

I think it is. Another thread I have been on however...nope

@Fangsalot89

Can you genuinely not afford it or are you just being a tight arse?

That’s a horrible thing to say when op says she is genuinely struggling.

Or do you think a parent would keep their child off lightly then come on MN to brag about what a skinflint she is?

That's really sad. You don't need a ready made costume though. Maybe school could have helped if you asked. What was the theme?

It is hard to send kids in to school with no/very cobbled together costume when others look amazing.

it really isn't.

It's hard to realise you forgot there was something going on and have sent them in normal uniform when everyone else is wearing own clothes or a costume, but apart from that.

It’s a pain but think it’s pretty cruel to make her miss the fun rather than hash something together!

I know the super crafty parents just say "well you should have learnt to sew before you had kids". Not sure people are thinking about dressing up days for their offspring when they're procreating.

"Gaz, Gaaaazzzz! Come on get your kit off, I'm ovulating"
"I told you no Kelly, we're not having a baby 'til I've mastered back stitch. Now put your knickers on and pass me a thimble I won't have Gaz Junior in a shop bought costume"

What was the theme? To be fair some of them are pretty difficult to just pull something out of the wardrobe for, and some are very short notice so no time to borrow. The ones that tie into a day out (e.g. Victorian) are the most difficult as it can be quite embarrassing for them to turn up at the venue without a good costume (and ditto if they’re a child who doesn’t like dressing up). I think ‘can’t afford it’ often means ‘have more important things to spend money on than a £20 costume which the child begrudgingly wears once. I’d always find or buy something but yes, it’s annoying!

Definitely talk to the school. They are being hugely insensitive to parents who cannot afford or find time to source costumes, as well as environmentally irresponsible.

My DCs school have never done anything like this, and on the obligatory world book day or any other dress up/down day they are always very clear that pyjamas are perfectly acceptable - fun for the kids, cheap and easy, and no child feels left out.

If op hasn't got a spare tenner then she is likely managing a household that is subject to multiple other pressures and barriers. Eg lone parents can't just "nip out" to pick up costume components without taking all their kids with them. Eg for parents without cars it's a mission involving two buses each way to go to someone's house to get a costume/go to lidl to see if they've got t shirts for sale. Eg low income households are unlikely to have any clothes lying around that they can afford to just rip up. And so on and so on.

And if you are in any one of those groups, the last thing you want to do is to draw attention to that fact. What's the point of telling school? The only input you've had from school so far is that they've told you to provide uniform and now they're telling you to provide costumes. School is already part of your long list of problems.

As are people on the internet telling you that your daughter is missing out.

Whether YABU depends on how your DD feels.
It's pretty daft of the school in times of austerity though.

I bloody hate this. The waste of resources is obscene.

It is hard to send kids in to school with no/very cobbled together costume when others look amazing

Only if you care