To have kept DD8 off school because I can't afford a costume?

[Barkus]

Every term there is a new Class Topic and a dress up day where the whole class is required to turn up to school in costume.

If you're not a crafty Mary Poppins-esque supermum who can produce a hand made costume over a weekend, you are forced to purchase a costume (usually from Amazon in the range of £12-£25).

AIBU to have kept DD off today because I am not a crafty supermum and cannot possibly afford the costume.

”2 weeks ago, I contacted a school and offered to fully fund a DC starting secondary school in September.I know that Y6 parents had just received the list of everything needed for new school and wanted to help before parents felt under pressure.”

What a lovely thing to offer, @MidsummerMimi. Maybe you could get in touch with your local Food Bank - they may well know of a family who could benefit.

Best cheap costume I ever saw was one that my cousin wore.

A white sheet with the eyes cut out and her girl guides hat on top.

She was a "Ghoul Guide"

I grew up poor with a mother who despite her many wonderful qualities had no imagination whatsoever about costumes and wasn't well a lot of the time. I was worried about her dying and I used to dread any dress up days as just an extra stress. My eight year old persuaded me to buy on ebay an American a punk zombie costume they had selected themelf so they could win the Halloween disco dress up competition which was in a couple of months. Did make me wince a bit though when I thought about the kids who would have been like me as a child. Yes they did win and it was a spectacular costume - all black "leather" and metal studded dog collar.

Just send her in in whatever she likes to wear as “Mary Poppins on her day off”

I've not RTFT but I think you were being unreasonable. I'm a single full time working parent who receives zero financial support from her lousy good for nothing father.. She has multiple fancy dress costume days at nursery.. Do I buy something new for her every time?. No. I recycle a costume or she just goes in in normal clothes.. I felt bad at the start. But she's happy and safe at nursery and I know she's having a whale of a time. A costume won't change that.

Not a particularly crafty mum of 3 lads here. Only ever got told of the dressing up day the night before, info letters always seemed to get lost, eaten, dropped in a puddle enroute, until the announcement came, usually at bedtime the night before!!!!! Aaarrrrggggghhh.
Did all the cobbling, got through the first few….and then I discovered the joys of….. a heated glue gun …. Changed my life!!! 🤣🤣
Similar to this, but I think I got mine in Home Bargains

www.hobbycraft.co.uk/crafts-and-hobbies/glues-and-adhesives/glue-guns

Seams in a jiffy, old t- shirts decorated, general “themed” tat stuck on a t-shirt always seemed to be fine with them so long as they took part, they were, very easily pleased to be fair!
Seriously get yourself a glue gun… you won’t look back!!🤣

When we had dress-up days at work, there were always some kids who had nothing and turned up in uniform. I always gave them some pens and card to make themselves a huge sign or badge which I'd attach to their clothes to give themselves a 'character'. Oh, and I always had some spare generic dressing up stuff to hand that could be adapted to go with whatever they made.

But it was fairly easy to do as they had learning difficulties that meant that though they'd have been sad to just be in uniform, they weren't at all bothered about what they had from me being lesser than what their classmates were wearing.

I am so so sorry you have been put in this situation so unfair. My dd school does not do dress up for this reason which some parents at the other end of the scale object to because they can afford it (as could we) but i agree with the school and believe its the best thing to do all round x

Oh come on. Get your 8 yr old to come up with some ideas for those days using stuff you have in the house already. Help her develop some creativity, resilience, learn that you don’t just give up and refuse to do something that seems difficult, and let her enjoy the day.

YANBU Op, total pain in the arse.
But you’ve got lots of patronising replies on this thread that at least you can read and have a laugh.

@EverythingWillFallInLine

If op hasn't got a spare tenner then she is likely managing a household that is subject to multiple other pressures and barriers. Eg lone parents can't just "nip out" to pick up costume components without taking all their kids with them. Eg for parents without cars it's a mission involving two buses each way to go to someone's house to get a costume/go to lidl to see if they've got t shirts for sale. Eg low income households are unlikely to have any clothes lying around that they can afford to just rip up. And so on and so on.

And if you are in any one of those groups, the last thing you want to do is to draw attention to that fact. What's the point of telling school? The only input you've had from school so far is that they've told you to provide uniform and now they're telling you to provide costumes. School is already part of your long list of problems.

As are people on the internet telling you that your daughter is missing out.

Yes I literally dont have a spare tenner. We often don't have enough money for all the food we need, we live hand to mouth. No we don't have spare clothes we can just rip up or 'cobble together. DD would have been humiliated to go in school uniform. I have ADHD and mental health problems which is why I don't work at the moment. DH works his arse off but it isn't enough for a family of five...but too much for any welfare top ups. There is no point in telling the school because yes they'd have the same reaction as a lot of posters on here.

@HereInYork

YANBU Op, total pain in the arse. But you’ve got lots of patronising replies on this thread that at least you can read and have a laugh.

Thank you!

One of mine went as Matilda to book day. We had the identical Gap striped t shirt, a hand down from eldest and bought in a school jumble originally. Coupled with some books tied together old school with string plus her own jeans and trainers. Cost nothing. She was happy. Another time she went as Lyra and all I made was a cardboard alethiometer. What theme has she got?

Yes I've sent mine in as Matilda on numerous World Book Days.
Our primary has a dress up day for every new topic. This time it was Titanic. Its been and gone now.

It’s not as easy as cobbling things together especially if it’s every month

How horrible for you OP - it’s not because you won’t it’s because you can’t

No one wants their child to be disappointed or left out

Please speak to the school

Could you raise it with a parent governor?

Unpopular view I know, but I think it's a massive shame when kids just come in wearing something that's been bought from Amazon. 100% understand why the parents do it but the home-made element is half the fun imo. I was a school governor and it was so lovely seeing pupils who had contributed towards making costumes.

You don't need to be crafty, or to have lots of money. Titanic - you could have coloured a white t-shirt in to look like the ship's officer's jacket with gold stripes and buttons etc. Or, you could have got your daughter to draw and colour a picture of the Titanic on a piece of cardboard and hung that round her neck (while sticking comfy clothes on her underneath). Or does she have a long party/summer dress? Wrap a shawl round her arms and she's one of the ladies at the Titanic dinner.

I'm autistic and have ADHD myself so I understand the difficulties. I think changing your expectations might help. You don't need to produce this perfect, stage-worthy costume - it's just a nod to the theme, nothing more. If you bear that in mind, it might feel easier and less overwhelming? That worked for me anyway. I think initially I got caught up in thinking the costume had to be amazing, and it really doesn't.

Having said all of that, doing a costume every single month does sound like a giant pain. I enjoyed creating costumes with the DC but sod doing it every month!

Titanic dress up days? Some schools are entitled as fuck these days.

OP I don't think you were being in any way unreasonable. Right now I have the cash for these sorts of things and I'm very crafty. But fuck me if I'm organising dress up every time there's a new topic! I find book week and Halloween enough - more than enough!

I can't believe all the other parents - which btw means MOTHERS - love doing this either. Whether it's time or money pressures you're definitely not going to be the only one.

@Barkus

Yes I've sent mine in as Matilda on numerous World Book Days. Our primary has a dress up day for every new topic. This time it was Titanic. Its been and gone now.

A Titanic dress up day I wouldn't even know where to begin with finding an outfit. Are they supposed to dress in fancy clothes, as a sailor, as a boat?

YANBU OP. It's ridiculous, and I say that as someone who works in a school.

I wouldn't worry about it, it was just one day.

Dress up days are a pain in the arse. I refuse to buy something new for one day and I'm not crafty at all so I end up trawling Facebook market place. Years ago I decided to save all the costumes in a box so they could be reused, but they never come in handy because the theme is always something new.

I totally feel your pain with this, I hate how last minute it always seems to be as well. I think my DC’s school has had 4 dress up days this year where I’ve had to rush around trying to sort costumes. There’s a definite waste element to it, they’ll never wear them again (they’re all upper KS2, not babies). It is a lot of pressure to put on parents when keeping your child alive is expensive enough!

I a,so think Yabu. No one expects a perfect costume. Me and the kids always made something at home and it was never great. I sent my son as flat Stanley one year in a cardboard box. I made a space helmet out of a plastic bowel and gaffer tape. A Cheshire Cat. That was the leg of an old pair of tights stuffed with some bubble wrap and newspaper and a cardboard smile sellotaped to a chopstick. It does not have to be a perfect costume. Anything will do.

Actually I retract. Every term! That's ridiculous

There's only 3 terms a year!

There are only three terms a year, unless you meant every half term?

There are generally only 1/2 craft parents/grandparents, a handful who buy off Amazon/ebay and the rest who just wear own clothes with a twist/prop-I alway did that.

What are they supposed to be dressing up as?