To have kept DD8 off school because I can't afford a costume?

[Barkus]

Every term there is a new Class Topic and a dress up day where the whole class is required to turn up to school in costume.

If you're not a crafty Mary Poppins-esque supermum who can produce a hand made costume over a weekend, you are forced to purchase a costume (usually from Amazon in the range of £12-£25).

AIBU to have kept DD off today because I am not a crafty supermum and cannot possibly afford the costume.

Although I think a dress up day for every topic seems excessive and I get it’s a bit of a pain the arse YABVU for keeping her off school because of this.
But as much as I would find it irritating I can’t think of many topics where some kind of improvisation on an oversized t-shirt won’t do tbh.

For a lot of families it is not just about buying a costume, it’s not being able to afford to ruin clothing (ripping trousers, writing on white tops). A couple quid is a big deal to some people, especially if the article of clothing is then unusable.

Exactly. I'm really frustrated by the posters who seem to think that everyone can a) afford to ruin an item of clothing and b) turn it into something their child wouldn't be mortified to wear without having to purchase extra bits to do so and c) have the skills to do so.

a) in particular proves again, what an affluent (or at least comfortable) bubble many MNers live in. They presumably haven't read the thread about people running out of money days before payday.

@Earthakitty So, the teachers would do the job of your parents by making the costumes?

Costumes don’t have to be amazing or hard to do.

Schools just now are often not inclusive.

yes, blame schools for not expecting children to sit rigidly for 6 hours a day facing a white board

and expecting parents to be involved, financially or not, for their own children!

When people are struggling, there are schemes and ways to help them.

The solution is not to ban everything and make school life miserable.

They presumably haven't read the thread about people running out of money days before payday

Well yes I have. I’m just not sure how that prevents you from borrowing a costume. Many posters have said that they have bits and pieces that they would lend… if you’re broke and not creative enough to whip something up from regular clothes ( or whatever) what is actually stopping you from asking friends or family or other parents if you can borrow something? I would lend something to any parent in my class… or school to be honest. I haven’t seen anyone answer why that’s not possible.

I agree that these dressing up days are stressful. Most of the kids don't even dress as proper book characters. There seems to be ever more of them - World Book Day, Ronald Dahl day etc. It is hard for kids without rich or crafty parents. You can have fun at school.eothout dressing up.

@Ozanj

The money is a red herring. You kept your dd away because you couldn’t be bothered to even try to help her rustle something up from what she had. Primary is about using your imagination but all you are teaching her is that if you can’t buy it don’t bother. That’s not a good life lesson.

That is so mean.

We don't know how much spare time the op has or how exhausted she may be.

I'm sure it won't happen again.

I think these days are really about the kids, and not about what one adult thinks of another’s child’s costume. It is a shame that you felt like that but did your child want to join in the fun? I am one of the ‘crafty’ mum’s but by mindset, not skill! It needs a bit of space (to gather of bits of material, too small onesies, the odd white t-shirt/black trousers, pillow cases from charity shops, etc over time); time (I made Roman sandals from cardboard and wool… but had to plait the wool over a couple of eves so it was strong enough to be walked across a stage) and needles (to sew things together for onetime use… usually w wool). Try it out for Halloween or a party to build up confidence.

Go on Pinterest.
Look up 'no sew costume' ideas.
Unless the school was specifying a ridiculous, 'You must come as a stegosaurus' day, I think you'd have managed something.

I would have kept a child off school IF AND ONLY IF the child was going to be upset about not conforming and/or made to feel bad. Otherewise, it seems to me that mentioning the problem or some sort of bodge up - as suggested by other posters - would be enough.

My solution is to buy a Harry potter cloak and glasses - voila for at least 4 years worth of costumes. It's also the solution of about half the kids in school.

Other solution: second hand shops regularly stock costumes. Pick them up when the come along ready for the next dress up day.

Final point: by Y5 most kids have given up and turn up in normal clothes. Do the same.

[quote FreekStar2]@theleafandnotthetree I take it you don't use anything yourself then and you never allow your kids to take part in dressing up? Idiot![/quote]
I think that on the fullness of time, it's not my perspective that'll seem like the idiotic one. But nice manners

Where did the OP go??

I totally get where OP is coming from. As a knackered Mum of 4 when they were little I dreaded the letter about 'dress up for world book day 'etc. such a chore , and yes I know it sounds misery guts but its just another thing to do. None of us know about the OP's life so not fair to be mean or judge.

@onlyhereforthecake

It’s always ‘simple’ to those who can do it

it's not that hard when you put your kids first

Wbat a bitchy and also ridiculous thing to say. I hope people arent measuring their worth as parents or people by their approach to this kind of extraneous crap

Is there some reason that schools don’t have a dress up box or cupboard?
Mine have gone to school dressed as wizards, dinosaurs, giant birds, scuba divers and pixies.Costumes were never worn again.
We have dress up days and school plays, so several dress up outfits per child each year.
I don’t want to knock the fun and creative aspects of dressing up, but the costumes can be uncomfortable and impractical for a full day in school.
We have had DS unable to get on school bus, too big when dressed as a Christmas present.
The Rapunzel wig trailing floor and the full snorkel set, can be a real challenge after an hour or two.
I also think that there are some very frustrating obstacles preventing practical financial help reaching families who need it for school supplies.
2 weeks ago, I contacted a school and offered to fully fund a DC starting secondary school in September.I know that Y6 parents had just received the list of everything needed for new school and wanted to help before parents felt under pressure.
This is not the school attended by my DCs or my younger siblings.
I also asked that it would be completely anonymous.
The schools refused and gave no explanation.
I have tried another school since and have to say I feel I am pushing it.
Less hostile but still very unenthusiastic.
I feel sorry for the OP, it can humiliating to have to explain that you can’t afford something for your DC.
Schools could be more mindful of costs and more proactive in using resources offered, whether that is a second hand fancy dress outfit or funds from private donors.

Your poor daughter! Kids really look forward to these kind of days particularly after the year we've just had and she's missing out because of your lack of imagination. Get Pintrest and a glue gun!

@Ilovegardens

Your poor daughter! Kids really look forward to these kind of days particularly after the year we've just had and she's missing out because of your lack of imagination. Get Pintrest and a glue gun!

Again, the assumption that OP has a tenner for the glue gun and glue sticks. And clothes that she can afford to ruin.

I don’t think it’s a great reason to stay off school. I personally would have asked friends/relatives if there was anything I could borrow or look on Facebook marketplace for a cheap second hand option; or failing that just send in uniform or mufti.

My son rarely participates in non uniform or dress up days, but that’s nothing to do with money he’s just not comfortable doing it. Never been a problem at our school.

We have just had end of term dress up day.

Costumes seen in one class - underwater theme - shark clothes, shark hat, boy in t shirt and shorts with diving mask and snorkel, lots of ariel costumes, sparkly dresses - fish scales, full on cardboard submarine!

Superhero day, - full outfits they alreday had, t shirt with super 'name' written on it and normal clothes, just a cape.

So a whole range of no need to purchase, or adpat what you have.

We have had environmental day - wear green or nature based things you own.

theleafandnotthetree

actually, I hope they are.
Resenting asking or browsing local groups to find a free "costume" and preferring to keep the child at home.. It's beyond ridiculous.

Local groups are full of similar requests, but some people don't feel too grand to ask. And frankly, the usual "I want to be environmentally friendly , can I borrow a costume to avoid buying one" is enough. No one will care or wonder if possibly you might be short of cash..

I hated primary school for this. I was a single parent and absolutely skint at the time. It felt like almost weekly we had to pay for something, either fancy dress, a quid for dress down day, something else for the class topic, the list went on. I could barely keep my head above water as it was, without having to constantly shell out for stuff.

I actually think secondary schools works out cheaper even with the more expensive uniform and trips than it ever did at primary.

I remember DSs first term of primary it was money constantly, sponsor for school funds, stuff for harvest thanksgiving, halloween outfit & money for disco, money for children in need, gift for the Big Buddy, Christmas jumper day, Christmas appeal, bring & buy sale, money for the Christmas service. I'm sure there was a something I've missed but it was crazy.

I'm so glad our new headteacher popped much of it on the head, esp the giving to other charities. Christmas jumper day became a dress down day.

@saraclara oh give over! I bought a glue gun from Lidl for less than £3 recently, she implied she was clueless not penniless.