To have kept DD8 off school because I can't afford a costume?

[Barkus]

Every term there is a new Class Topic and a dress up day where the whole class is required to turn up to school in costume.

If you're not a crafty Mary Poppins-esque supermum who can produce a hand made costume over a weekend, you are forced to purchase a costume (usually from Amazon in the range of £12-£25).

AIBU to have kept DD off today because I am not a crafty supermum and cannot possibly afford the costume.

wrong thread anon666?

You must explain to the teacher. Many other children are in the same position they will source an outfit for you very descretly. It's a common story

Bless you. I really feel for you. No you are not being unresonable you are trying to save his reputation! Kids can be so cruel. Mums too! How old is your son ( son?) And what does he want to dress up as? There are ideas on google and youtube. Otherwise....have you tried charity shops? I got a beutiful ,"elsa dress' for £3 two weeks ago for my daughter and they had a bob the builder one too. I think schools ahohld have the kids make their own costume to wear! That way the kids are all in the same boat. It was football dress up at my kids school and I put a white t shirt on and painted a red cross! I was not goimg to pay £25 for a real football shirt.

Totally unreasonable to keep her off education for a day.

My son needs to be a roman tomorrow, I bought a second hand costume from vinted for £3.

What does your dd have to dress in?
All you probably need is a few ideas that are easy simple.
Sometimes I think parents worry to much, me included, and then we can’t see the wood for the trees 😀

I’m sorry but I think you are being really unreasonable to deprive your dc of what is usually a “ wow” day where staff go to huge amount of effort to bring a subject ( Egyptians, Vikings, Victorians Romans etc ) to life. It’s only in the past few years that people have gone crazy buying ready made costumes on Amazon - which actually means you usually get a bunch of clone kids all dressed in the same tat that will never be worn again ( unless siblings). I can absolutely guarantee you that stuff ends up in charity shops - but also sheets and bin liners / tin foil are your friend. The kids who have made any effort whatsoever are always the most admired!! Failing that absolutely 100% talk to school and ask to borrow a costume. Please please don’t deprive your child of an amazing day - there will always also be children in every class who forget ( or parents do!) and turn up in uniform - it is purely the parents who are competitive - in primary school neither the staff nor other children judge - they are too excited/ busy enjoying the day!!

Poor you, I love making costumes out of bits and bobs, but I also lend them to other kids, take them to the charity shop etc. don't be afraid to ask on or your local FB parents group next time.

This modern day trend for kids to dress up at the expense of the parents is just outrageous.
When I was at school we had plays and the teachers made all the costumes. All of them.
Is this another stupid import from the USA because we copy everything else they do.

I say this as a parent who hated dressup days, but YABU for thinking that you have to spend a fortune on Amazon, and YABU for making DD miss out on the fun and also for not discussing it with the school who may have been able to help you.

I have been selling my DC's old fancy dress stuff on Vinted for £1-£2 and there are loads of outfits on there for £1. When I needed fancy dress for DD, I went to charity shops and begged and borrowed. When it was greek day she wore her white bridesmaids dress.

I am sorry you are in that position, but you could have managed something for just a few pounds.

It’s only in the past few years that people have gone crazy buying ready made costumes on Amazon

it's usually because they are short of time and/or can't be bothered to spend time on the costume, not to enter some weird competition.
Otherwise they would care that others will be wearing the exact same one...

People who are saying YABU are ridiculous! And also people blaming the school for the expectation… it’s not even the issue it’s more probably the social and peer pressure of having to have a nice outfit. Can you contact the teacher or even the reception I’m sure they would be happy to assist and don’t want you feeling like that!
Hope all works out xxx

Well the op will know for next time so not to worry if it is too late now for this one.

Op, put some loose change in a jar when you can, it's amazing how quickly it mounts up. That's how we managed sometimes, back in the day.

I had a look on ebay and will share with you:
www.ebay.co.uk/sch/i.html?_from=R40&_nkw=costume+dress+up+clothes+for+children&_sacat=0&rt=nc&LH_ItemCondition=4

Charity shops are also excellent for this sort of thing.

The money is a red herring. You kept your dd away because you couldn’t be bothered to even try to help her rustle something up from what she had. Primary is about using your imagination but all you are teaching her is that if you can’t buy it don’t bother. That’s not a good life lesson.

Totally unreasonable to keep her off education for a day

The last week of term has far less education than you realise!

Talk to the teacher, she may be able to help, and I'm sure the school would rather know about problems like these than have an absence. I've never bought a costume for school, I can't sew either, but with imagination have cobbled stuff together from stuff in the house, and DC has always been pleased. You'll find easy ideas on Internet too. What is the next topic? Post on here for ideas - people love a challenge.

Or because the children who were photographed had photo consent as it would have been shared on the website or newsletter. If the other children didn’t have photo consent, then the teacher couldn’t have taken their photo. I’ve had to do the same, nothing we can do if parents either say we can’t share pictures of their children on the newsletter or website. Even with masks on.

Improvise with what’s in the house. Let her help/ do it. Most looks can be achieved this way. More inventive and a laugh. The point isn’t to stage a perfect recreation. I remember some woman at my son’s nursery making a hungry caterpillar costume - a padded silk number that could have gone in a west end show. So not the point. Also, is there a dad to help? Don’t see why blokes should get let off this kind of parental heavy lifting.

I feel your pain OP. It was always the lack of notice that got me. As a full time working / long commuting mum I had such tiny amounts of time to try and pull these costumes together. Saturday plans would go out the window as we trawled charity shops for something to make do. I once took a sheet of holiday to Cornwall one Easter and spent every bloody evening sewing it together to make an Egyptian toga thing ,(sewing is not my forte, I don't own a machine and grandparents were too elderly and infirm at this point to help).

@SpaceRaiders

Totally unreasonable to keep her off education for a day

The last week of term has far less education than you realise!

it's even worst. Especially after lockdowns and school closures and the years they had, a great shame to punish a child and keep them out of a fun day.

HarrietsweetHarriet

I'd strongly recommend having a strong stapler in stock, and/or Ikea iron-on strips.

I salute parents who make wonderful costumes, I really admire them, I can't be arsed personally. I still make sure my kids don't miss out!

Posted too soon - sorry. If there's enough time, Ebay can be your friend. Also befriending parents of older children who have done exact same and could hand down unless they've all followed Marie Kondo and jettisoned all their unused things. It did used to pee me off when other children turned up in what looked like couture creations though!
I digress. When this happens again talk to the teacher and they may well have something they can lend you from an old school play or something. It's a sad state of affairs you were put under this much pressure to keep your DD home. Oh and maybe Facebook Marketplace worth a look,? Good luck OP. X

I agree you should speak/write to the school. If this is a school-wide thing I'd go straight to the head as individual class teachers are not making this decision if it's a school-wide thing.

Our primary school was the same in the early days. It was a massive pain. When my eldest was in reception my mum was still alive and made him some amazing costumes. After she died I just threw money at the problem and was straight on Amazon prime to get whatever was needed straight away so I could be done with it. Luckily I could afford it but kept thinking how ridiculous and was sure that other parents could not afford this ridiculous costume buying.

Luckily other must have complained to the school. I was too busy to keep my head above water and now dress up days in schools are: wear colourful clothes, wear something red, brown, orange or yellow. Just as much fun and a lot less hassle and more affordable. Just tell the school....

Schools just now are often not inclusive. Not all parents can afford these activities.

Going on trips, dressing up days to pay for the privilege, raffle tickets, school fairs, plays, theatre trips, bringing in cakes etc on birthdays. Then there’s paying for mufti days. Dress in green days, odd socks days, for a donation. Then there’s the end of year and Christmas parties.

Also the children are expected to have iPads etc.
And don’t get me started on games kits.
Then there’s music, singing and additional clubs in school time, all costing money. Then the school asks parents to have a standing order for the building fund.
This is what our LA school has asked for before lockdown.
Phew this is not for private schools, this is our local school.
It’s shocking and cruel the pressure on parents and subsequently the children to throw cash at local authority schools.
These who benefit are either the rich or the extremely needy.
Then the parents are expected to volunteer as the staff refuse to volunteer for out of school activities. Now parents don’t mind volunteering and some enjoy this input, but often there are no staff on trips. The reason being this is not what they’re paid for.

I just can’t believe how useless this school is.

I’m not keen on dressing up days.
You’re either in the position of buying a costume (£££), or taking the time to make something. What if you have neither time nor spare money?
When the pupils are young it’s all on the parents to try and get creative, but not everyone is good with this.
Maybe people don’t want to butcher their child’s only pair of jogging bottoms and then render them unusable. Maybe we don’t all have multiple coloured T-shirt’s and ribbons etc at home.

I know I sound like a killjoy but I think for some parents this really causes a lot of stress, especially if they have multiple children.

There are ways around it eg it’s pirate day, so the first activity is that we’ll all make pirate hats for you to wear all day. Bring your favourite book from home for world book day (or choose one from the school library). Make an elf out of a potato instead of coming dressed as one…..