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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF birthday party wibu

104 replies

Jensandwich · 13/07/2021 09:53

Hi first time poster so be gentle please 😀. For her upcoming birthday my DD has invited her friends to a local pizza place for a low key celebration. One of her friends brother ( let’s call him Adam) has his birthday on the exact same day as my DD. Adam and my DD are not friends( he is a bit older than her) but he will be coming to eat the pizza as we sometimes hang out together anyway. The plan for Adam’s birthday celebration was to invite everyone to a also local ice cream place to celebrate his birthday after the pizza place party for my DD. Yesterday his mom approached me saying that Adam has changed his mind,all he wants for his birthday is a console and therefore we won’t be going to the ice cream place. However she also asked me would it be ok if she brought a birthday cake for Adam to the pizza place where my DD’s bday will be celebrated so that all can sing happy birthday for him too.?? And I said no sorry I wanted to make it special for DD. Now thinking was I being unreasonable and a miserable cow?

OP posts:
Overthebow · 13/07/2021 09:57

I don’t see why that would be a problem? They’re kids and it’s his birthday, it would be a nice thing to do. And two lots of cake is surely a good thing!

Kapsauss · 13/07/2021 09:57

So the mum wants a free party and half the credit, while you pay??
Sod that. Yanbu to tell her to jog on.

AnyOldPrion · 13/07/2021 09:59

Think that’s fair enough. You are paying for an event to celebrate your daughter’s birthday. You shouldn’t have that diluted by another child who’s tagging along but has turned down his own celebration.

That said… ice cream parlour after pizza party sounds like a recipe for vomiting children… maybe dodged a bullet there!

Original poster
Jensandwich · 13/07/2021 09:59

My DD and Adam are not friends ( age gap etc) and I’ll be covering the meal for all involved in the pizza place

OP posts:
woodfort · 13/07/2021 10:01

My DC has a close birthday to a friend and the friend planned a big party costing probably 5x what we were spending on his small party the next week. The mum offered to include my DC in the happy birthday song if we brought a cake with us. Tbf we were fairly considerate I think in postponing his party so it wouldn’t have been too bad of me if I’d agreed but I did feel really that it wasn’t fair on them and their child, because they were paying for the party and it wasn’t my child’s celebration.

So yeah I guess she shouldn’t have asked.

KatharinaRosalie · 13/07/2021 10:01

So it's just Adam, not any of the friends who were supposed to go to ice cream place?

I'd ask your daugther what she wants to do, it's her day.

MeanyJoany · 13/07/2021 10:02

What did she say when you said no?

Original poster
Jensandwich · 13/07/2021 10:04

@MeanyJoany she said it’s ok she understands

OP posts:
Journeynotdestination · 13/07/2021 10:06

Definitely not BU. It’s your DD’s birthday. Ice cream after pizza for him sounded nice if he wanted to tag onto the pizza event, but otherwise no. I’d feel the same OP.

Original poster
Jensandwich · 13/07/2021 10:06

@KatharinaRosalie yes my daughter is inviting her friends to the pizza place as planned

OP posts:
GiantHaystacks2021 · 13/07/2021 10:07

YANBU. You seem to be required to pay for his birthday party too. CF is right.

Gemma2019 · 13/07/2021 10:07

Bloody hell, you have to admire her cheek but it would have been a big fat no from me.

Youdiditanyway · 13/07/2021 10:09

If they aren’t even friends and he’s older than her, I’m wondering why he’s spending his birthday doing this really. Surely he wants to spend time with his own friends?

Original poster
Jensandwich · 13/07/2021 10:09

@KatharinaRosalie my daughter is inviting friends to pizza place and we don’t mind if Adam tags along to have the pizza

OP posts:
daytriptovulcan · 13/07/2021 10:10

So it's a dual party, but you re paying...furthermore there not even friends. Bit of a piss take really.

Pedalpushers · 13/07/2021 10:12

If his friends aren't coming too and he would have come anyway, I don't see how OP is really 'paying for his birthday party'. I've been to parties before where it was someone else's birthday as well as the main celebrant, they have always done at least a cupcake with a candle and a song for the extra person.

Anotherhill · 13/07/2021 10:14

How old is Adam?

RicStar · 13/07/2021 10:15

I think what you said was fine - depends a little bit on the ages of the children what I would have done I think, I mean if he is 8 or younger then I would probably offer to include him, if he is a teen, then I wouldn't expect him to even be there, stay at home or with a mate.

Original poster
Jensandwich · 13/07/2021 10:15

@Anotherhill Adam is 12

OP posts:
Aroundtheworldin80moves · 13/07/2021 10:16

How old are both children?

wjg65ka · 13/07/2021 10:18

That's not cheeky I think it's fair enough

DingDongDenny · 13/07/2021 10:19

When I was about 9 my dad was very ill so there weren't any birthday celebrations that year. My friend had a birthday a few weeks later and her mum got everyone to sing happy birthday to me as well.

It was awful. The other guests weren't my friends, I didn't get any presents, my name wasn't on the cake and nobody had told me that was the plan.

All the other kids just kept saying 'but it's not your birthday' and the birthday girl was pissed off. So not necessarily a good idea

Anoisagusaris · 13/07/2021 10:20

It’s not a dual party, the op wouldn’t be paying for his party. He isn’t having any guests of his own.

drpet49 · 13/07/2021 10:20

* So the mum wants a free party and half the credit, while you pay?? Sod that. Yanbu to tell her to jog on.*

^This.

ForeverSinging · 13/07/2021 10:21

I think it's cheeky. If his mum wants to do something special for his birthday she should do it, not tag onto yours. I would have said no too.

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