CF birthday party wibu

[Jensandwich]

Hi first time poster so be gentle please 😀. For her upcoming birthday my DD has invited her friends to a local pizza place for a low key celebration. One of her friends brother ( let’s call him Adam) has his birthday on the exact same day as my DD. Adam and my DD are not friends( he is a bit older than her) but he will be coming to eat the pizza as we sometimes hang out together anyway. The plan for Adam’s birthday celebration was to invite everyone to a also local ice cream place to celebrate his birthday after the pizza place party for my DD. Yesterday his mom approached me saying that Adam has changed his mind,all he wants for his birthday is a console and therefore we won’t be going to the ice cream place. However she also asked me would it be ok if she brought a birthday cake for Adam to the pizza place where my DD’s bday will be celebrated so that all can sing happy birthday for him too.?? And I said no sorry I wanted to make it special for DD. Now thinking was I being unreasonable and a miserable cow?

DD2 and DS1 would have shared one birthday party, their birthdays are 3 days apart, he's 30, she's 13. The only reason they ended up not sharing a birthday party for their 26th/9th was because DS1 was too ill to come in the end, disappointingly. But they're siblings, not people who aren't even friends.

Our girl/boy twins had huge joint parties until they were 8, but at 9 and over they wanted separate events doing different things as their interests diverged. Then at 18 suddenly they went back to joint parties. 😉

@SmackMyAssnCallMeJudy

I have a 12YO DS who would be mortified by this.

But he wouldn’t be tagging along to his younger sister’s friend’s birthday on his birthday, so the issue wouldn’t arise.

There’s clearly more to this than meets the eye.

In any case, you’ve said no and Mum’s accepted it, so all sorted.

This

I think what is lovely is that OP resolved it quite quickly standing up for her DD's right to have her birthday party about her

It's nice that she has a range of views, mostly saying they agree with her but also others that disagree and might have said yes. That's lovely. I have had friends DC have happy north day sing to them with a second light or candles and second blowing out on birthday cake when my DC have chosen so themselves bc one of their friends that they like happened to attend and had t had a birthday party near- that was their choice as it was a good friend of theirs and shared friends at a house garden party free for all! I'd be miffed if it was something I was paying for each person to attend to have it watered down for my DC .
I think what a lot of us recognise is that Adam isn't her actual friend and he's a tagger on bc of his sister who chose to have money spent elsewhere instead of his own party. I wouldn't want my DDs to feel they have to "be nice" because of an older boy's feelz. I'm sure of friend had said "he has SEN everyone has cancelled in him so I know I'm being cheeky but ... can we ask ? There's no talk of that and that would also be a decision bc I'd also wonder how it would seem to my DD.

yeah... no.

1. I deliberately dont do joint birthdays because I DISPISED it as a kid (one child was always more popular than the other, I was never the popular one so on the joint birthday years I got bullied at my own party... never happened on the non joint party years though).

2. You dont piggy back off someone elses wallet, she wants you to pay and her to get a free party... thats like proposing at someone elses wedding its tacky.

3. Why would these kids want to hang out, celebrate and sing happy birthday to a strange kid they dont know? only his sister has any investment in his birthday, dont force it on other kids who did not agree to attend a much older male strangers birthday party.

If she wants a cheap party she can invite a couple of her DS friends to her house to play on his new console and serve the cake and sing happy birthday at his own 'gamer' party.