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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF birthday party wibu

104 replies

Jensandwich · 13/07/2021 09:53

Hi first time poster so be gentle please 😀. For her upcoming birthday my DD has invited her friends to a local pizza place for a low key celebration. One of her friends brother ( let’s call him Adam) has his birthday on the exact same day as my DD. Adam and my DD are not friends( he is a bit older than her) but he will be coming to eat the pizza as we sometimes hang out together anyway. The plan for Adam’s birthday celebration was to invite everyone to a also local ice cream place to celebrate his birthday after the pizza place party for my DD. Yesterday his mom approached me saying that Adam has changed his mind,all he wants for his birthday is a console and therefore we won’t be going to the ice cream place. However she also asked me would it be ok if she brought a birthday cake for Adam to the pizza place where my DD’s bday will be celebrated so that all can sing happy birthday for him too.?? And I said no sorry I wanted to make it special for DD. Now thinking was I being unreasonable and a miserable cow?

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 13/07/2021 11:00

I have a 12 year old boy.
He would absolutely hate to go to an 8 year old girls party and if they all sang Happy Birthday to him as well he would be mortified
Say no OP and save Adam !

viques · 13/07/2021 11:01

Were all the pizza party people originally invited to the ice cream place, or was the ice cream place planned just for Adam , his friends, his sister and your dd? It makes a difference, IMO. If it was just an extension of your dds party with the same people in a different location then I see no problem of finishing the pizza party with Adams cake as well as your cake ( you can never have too much cake,) . If it was a separate affair with Adams friends coming along too just for ice cream then no, not on.

But I think the final say should be your daughters, if she says no, then it’s a no.

NoProblem123 · 13/07/2021 11:04

No way Jose !

Good for you 👍🏻

WhoDidAndWhy · 13/07/2021 11:08

I’m so impressed that you told her no and didn’t feel obliged to say yes then come on here complaining about it! You were right. It was cheeky of her to even ask and put you in that position. Don’t think anymore about it.

Peach01 · 13/07/2021 11:14

I don't think you're being unreasonable but this wouldn't bother me. I would've always acknowledged another child's birthday if they were attending a birthday party on the same day as their own. I'm sure everyone will be aware it's not his party and wouldn't make your DD day any less special.

MrsFlinch · 13/07/2021 11:15

Yes i want to know how the ice cream parlour thing was going to work out.
Was this separate for Adams friends or for all the guests at the pizza party?

Rebelwithverysharpclaws · 13/07/2021 11:16

This happened to me some years ago. My DC had a Halloween party every year, always invited the whole class, there were no presents, just spooky fun and an entertainer. One year another CF mum said it would be nice to share the party with her DC. OK I said. Her DC turned up, took centre stage and credit for the party. Did her mum give me any money towards it - did she fuck? I felt like Muggins from No 1 Mug Street. The next year I did invite CF mum's DC again. Her DC rang at the start of the party and said she can't come as she had a better party to go to - CFs or what?

Whammyyammy · 13/07/2021 11:18

@Kapsauss

So the mum wants a free party and half the credit, while you pay?? Sod that. Yanbu to tell her to jog on.
Nailed it
Lou573 · 13/07/2021 11:21

Does it really matter if the poor boy has a song and a cake? I’m assuming here that he’s not having his friends at the pizza party.

canigooutyet · 13/07/2021 11:21

This thread should go into classics simply because it shows how few bother to read any updates. 😂

@Jensandwich why are you second guessing yourself? Has mum been "off" with you since?

MoreAloneTime · 13/07/2021 11:22

I'm also wondering if Adam's mum is a bit of a cringe mum riding roughshod over Adam to give him what she considers to be a proper birthday.

PrettyLittleFlies · 13/07/2021 11:33

I would mention Adam and get a happy birthday song out for him but no to cake/taking over party.

Irishmom7 · 13/07/2021 11:36

Totally in the minority I see, but I don’t see the problem with singing happy birthday to someone else at a birthday party. It’s obviously still your daughter’s party - it’s all her friends after all. I don’t see the big deal.

TeenMinusTests · 13/07/2021 11:42

Personally I'm wondering whether Adam struggles to make friends with his own peers, so his Mum would like to give him the semblance of a celebration without it being obvious he doesn't really have friends.

GrettaGreen · 13/07/2021 11:46

You can guarantee if you say yes, he'll magically have a couple of his friends tag along on your tab too.

Borisjohnsonshairbrush · 13/07/2021 11:46

Ye, Pretty CF is he isn't arsed about a party, Its DD's day and about her, one day out of 365, she free loading his birthday meal out of you too.

or Maybe- maybe he actually had loads of declines for his party and mum feels sorry for him and your an insta-party ready they she doesnt have to pay for?

StrawberrySquash · 13/07/2021 11:47

So the mum wants a free party and half the credit, while you pay??

I don't think this is the case. Adam isn't inviting a bunch of his friends that OP is paying for. Generally if there's another birthday at a similar time I'd tack a mention of it on when singing Happy Birthday. As long as the OP's child gets a cake and most of the attention I think it's okay.

e. g. We had a big party for my parents' silver wedding, but also baked my little cousin a birthday cake and marked a couple of other adjacent birthdays at the same time.

starray · 13/07/2021 11:56

I think it is ok if the older child brings his own birthday cake, but it is also your choice to say no and you want to make it special for your child. At least she asked nicely and didn't just gatecrash!!

pinkcircustop · 13/07/2021 11:57

YANBU. She can’t have her cake and eat it.

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 13/07/2021 12:01

People's cheek never fails to amaze me!
I definitely voted YNBU but it came up as YABU Confused

LookItsMeAgain · 13/07/2021 12:09

How many of Adam's friends are also going for pizza and would you be expected to pay for them too?

My advice would be that you don't overlap the parties to be honest. Adam has his party in the pizza place (paid for by his parents) with his friends at a different table to the one that you're having for your DD also at the pizza place (paid for by you).
Then if Adam doesn't want to go on for icecreams, he doesn't. You are also free to do what you want before and after the food.

Having joint events tends to raise issues no matter how small.

AnUnoriginalUsername · 13/07/2021 12:11

I think it's cheeky enough that she's taking a 12 year old to his younger siblings friends party. It would be supremely cheeky to make the friends of your daughter sing happy birthday to an older boy they aren't friends with.

BorderlineHappy · 13/07/2021 12:27

@Jensandwich IS Adam invited to the party or is the cf dm just bringing him.

Jux · 13/07/2021 12:28

Adam has chosen to have a console instead of a get together with his friends when, presumably, Happy Birthday would have been sung and maybe cake had? But he's said no to mates and cakes so that's his choice.

Your dd's birthday needs to be special for her, so one cake, on HB song, one blowing out of candles/wish making etc.

If Adam still wants to tag along for pizza, fine, but if he's given up his mates and cake occasion because his mum thinks he can have cake ceremony on the back of your dd, then he's out of luck.

Notwavingbutdrowing3 · 13/07/2021 12:29

@Kapsauss

So the mum wants a free party and half the credit, while you pay?? Sod that. Yanbu to tell her to jog on.
This ^^

If Adam doesn't want his ice cream parlour birthday pArty that he was going to after hanging out whilst his sister goes to DDs pizza party then that's his call. He will have a console instead that he requested instead of his birthday party

He doesn't get to barge into your DDs birthday pizza party that you're paying for! It's not his friends going it's DDs! It'd be so uncool snd awkward. Glad you are not asking DD as that's a "girls have to be nice " when it's an unreasonable request.
Anyway you dealt with it OP, don't second guess yourself now as what would that teach DD? It's her birthday party her friends she doesn't even like Adam, so no her birthday party can't be taken over by random boy as well. Very CF request.