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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

CF birthday party wibu

104 replies

Jensandwich · 13/07/2021 09:53

Hi first time poster so be gentle please 😀. For her upcoming birthday my DD has invited her friends to a local pizza place for a low key celebration. One of her friends brother ( let’s call him Adam) has his birthday on the exact same day as my DD. Adam and my DD are not friends( he is a bit older than her) but he will be coming to eat the pizza as we sometimes hang out together anyway. The plan for Adam’s birthday celebration was to invite everyone to a also local ice cream place to celebrate his birthday after the pizza place party for my DD. Yesterday his mom approached me saying that Adam has changed his mind,all he wants for his birthday is a console and therefore we won’t be going to the ice cream place. However she also asked me would it be ok if she brought a birthday cake for Adam to the pizza place where my DD’s bday will be celebrated so that all can sing happy birthday for him too.?? And I said no sorry I wanted to make it special for DD. Now thinking was I being unreasonable and a miserable cow?

OP posts:

mogtheexcellent · 13/07/2021 10:22

Ask your daughter, its her party.

Hoppinggreen · 13/07/2021 10:24

So you would be paying for a joint party?
Nope

frazzledasarock · 13/07/2021 10:25

The kids aren't his friend group.

Would they not all be thinking who on earth is this and why are we singing to him?

Or was the mother then going to suggest he bring his own friends along to make it more of a party for him also.

MiddleParking · 13/07/2021 10:27

It just sounds like a shit idea altogether. Detracting from your daughter, not particularly fun for Adam who will know that he’s an awkward add on to a younger girl (not even a friend)’s birthday party, and awkward and annoying for the other girls having to sing happy birthday to an older boy who isn’t their friend and who they aren’t there to celebrate with. And you get to pay for the privilege. Nah.

sleepylittlebunnies · 13/07/2021 10:27

I think if he’s 12 he might be mortified at having younger kids at his sibling’s friend’s party singing Happy Birthday to him.

MiddleParking · 13/07/2021 10:30

Actually, are the other kids friends of Adam’s? Had they initially been told they were going for ice cream for his birthday after the pizza? If so I think it’s really weird and rude to decide that isn’t happening after you’ve issued invitations because he’d rather have a console.

Waspie · 13/07/2021 10:31

I agree with MiddleParking that it sounds like a crap idea. I'd tell Adam's mum that I'll take Adam's sister out for pizza and drop her home later so that the parents can take Adam to the ice cream place with his mates.

Why on earth would Adam want to join his younger sister's friend's birthday party on his own birthday? He's 12 not 4.

MoreAloneTime · 13/07/2021 10:34

It's pretty cheeky and wouldn't it be a bit weird for Adam to have a bunch of 8 year old he doesn't know well singing happy birthday for him? Does he really want to tag along or is it just to suit his mum?

littlefireseverywhere · 13/07/2021 10:36

Why is Adam even going? I think if I was Adam's Mum I'd be doing something seperate for him either as a family thing or just us?

KatharinaRosalie · 13/07/2021 10:38

It's not a joint party, none of Adam's friends are coming.

Ask your daugther how she feels about singing happy birthday to Adam as well. Maybe she coulnt' care less or would be happy to do it. Then no problem.

SlothinSpirit · 13/07/2021 10:40

I would probably have said yes but I think it's fine to say no.

It's not a party for Adam because none of his friends are going to be there. It's your DD's party. So the mum isn't asking you to pay for his party.

On the cake point, I can see where the mum is coming from. Adam is at that awkward age where kids start to wonder if parties are "uncool" and just want stuff so the mum is giving him what he wants. Having said that, as a mum it is sad when your child gets to the age where they don't want to blow out their candles and have their friends to sing happy birthday to them. So I don't blame her for asking you as a favour if you could recognise that it is also his birthday and have the kids sing happy birthday to him too. But in her shoes I would have suggested an oversized cupcake just for Adam rather than a second cake to make it clear this was very much an 'add-on' to the main event, your DD's birthday. And also I would think it was absolutely fine for you to say no. But I don't think the mum is being a CF... you were happy for Adam to tag along and she's not asking you to pay for any extra children. She asked, you refused. End of.

evtheria · 13/07/2021 10:41

Why would Adam want a bunch of kids who aren’t his friends to do the whole birthday cake shebang with him after (I presume) they’ve sung to their actual friend at her party? I don’t understand why his parent has asked for this, it’s just odd, but I don’t think she means to be cheeky either... it’s just odd!

Maybe she just wants him to experience a crowd singing the song (because of covid DS has had the pleasure of just 2 adults warbling away, I know it’s not the same feeling) but you’re not being unreasonable to say no. It would be generous to say yes.

Iwantamarshmallowman · 13/07/2021 10:41

Yanbu. Cf needs to pay for her own party.

hellogem · 13/07/2021 10:44

Was the same ppl attending your dd party also going to the ice cream place?
It seems like mother thought instead of paying for ice creams, she could try to include her son in your party with a cake seen as he's going there anyway.
Seems bizzare at 12 years old to have happy birthday sang to you by a bunch of kids your not even friends with

timeisnotaline · 13/07/2021 10:44

I’d think it a crappy idea of the Mum for 12yo adam to go out his sister and a bunch of younger girls for an 8th birthday, why would he care if a bunch of 8 year olds sang him happy birthday anyway?

CastawayQueen · 13/07/2021 10:44

YADNBU! You saved Adam from the embarrassment of his CF mother.
Because if 'Adam just wants a console' then 'Adam' is the one who doesn't want a party - so why force him into one? It's not even his own friends, it's his 'kid sister' friends. Way to get Adam laughed at by everyone else in school

Sally872 · 13/07/2021 10:45

At 12 I don't think Adam would want his sisters friends singing happy birthday to him and his own cake at someone else's party. If he doesn't want the ice cream parlour then I expect he is happy keeping it low key and getting his gift.

Twoforthree · 13/07/2021 10:46

If they aren’t his friends then I’d probably do it. If they are his friends as well, then no he doesn’t get half a party but not pay for it.

AmyDudley · 13/07/2021 10:48

Just make sure she doesn't turn up with a cake on the day anyway (I speak from experience of CF's)

Birkie248 · 13/07/2021 10:49

You’ve got to admire the brass neck on her! But no, it’s a CF request, and should be politely refused without any further explanation.

Birkie248 · 13/07/2021 10:50

@Birkie248

You’ve got to admire the brass neck on her! But no, it’s a CF request, and should be politely refused without any further explanation.

Also I suspect a 12 yo would hate a bunch of younger kids singing to him.

NewlyGranny · 13/07/2021 10:50

Freeloading CF! I don't suppose Adam would be too thrilled being an afterthought at his sister's friend's party, either. 😤

HarebrightCedarmoon · 13/07/2021 10:52

I don't know why the two things should be conflated by the mother. Two different parties, two different groups. I'd just reply and say "Oh dear, that sounds a bit confusing! Would rather we just stick to the original plans and keep things separate, thanks."

WeegieWan · 13/07/2021 10:53

Maybe not CF - I wonder if the mum is just disappointed not to be throwing a party now for her rapidly growing up baby boy (who clearly would rather have a console than a fuss) and hoped for the chance of making a bit of a fuss of him anyway with the cake? If Adam is verging on the grunty teenager stage you've saved him that embarrassment - so not only were yanbu, you were v kind! Wish him Happy Birthday when you see him (pref in front of his mum so she can see his birthday acknowledged) and then crack on with celebrating DD's birthday.

Notaroadrunner · 13/07/2021 10:55

@mogtheexcellent

Ask your daughter, its her party.

Why? Op is the one paying for the party.

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