To think I’m just not going to be able to cope

[reallybloodytired]

I’m sure I’ll get plenty of people telling me cheerfully I will but I don’t honestly see how.

My seven month old has stopped sleeping. A typical night is he will fall asleep some time between seven and eight … I think great, then twenty to thirty minutes later he wakes up.

This lasts until about ten/eleven o clock as that sleep gives him a second wind. Gets increasingly agitated with tiredness and eventually gives in.

Then up at 2. Then 5. I’m currently sitting up in bed holding him, he’s still thrashing around even though he’s asleep and exhausted he’s still fighting it on one level.

I’m back at work soon. I’m going to have to somehow do a full days work, spend the evening battling him and then all night up and down and up and down. And this is just tiredness and general run down-ness talking but I’m almost feeling dislike towards him, which is horrible but it almost feels personal on some level. I’m just desperate for some fucking sleep

My 10 month old was the same up until this week. It started at around 7 months and we were just the end of our tether this week, either OH or I was up with him for hours every single night. I know its an unpopular option but we did gentle sleep training. After trying to adjust nap times, increase his food intake, give him water, change bedtimes we had no more options left to try.

We put him down, one of us sat by the cot and we did not get him out of the cot until morning. He was never left alone to cry but he did cry a lot with us next to him. It took 3 nights of hell and on the 4th night he slept through. Now when he wakes up he mostly settles himself back to sleep with minimal intervention from us. I really feel for you its horrendous!

I think I’ll have to think about it.

I don’t know if it is teeth related. I’ve given him calpol which is another horrendous experience as I have to literally force his mouth open but he is at least asleep now.

I want to do some gentle sleep training as it’s ridiculous now but OH keeps saying he gets hysterical so I don’t know. It seems kinder to me to teach him how to sleep as endlessly getting him out of his cot isn’t teaching him how to sleep.

Well done for doing such a good job! You've coped until now and that's something to be proud of. Parenting is so much harder than we're given credit for!

It sounds like you'd benefit from getting some advise on establishing a new routine. Have you contacted your health visitor? If they can't help look up some methods online.

But most importantly, know you are doing great and no one will judge you if you need help. Remember that crying doesn't hurt them and if you need to walk away and leave them in a safe place such as their cot while you have 10 minutes in a different part of the house to calm down, that's fine. Is there anyone who will babysit a couple of hours a day now and then? Give you the chance to nap?
If it gets too much then talk to your GP about feeling overwhelmed. There's always more help than you think.

Personally I got my baby into a routine with distraction. They cried a lot when they were put in their cot so I'd play music or talk to them so they didn't feel abandoned but they knew they were down and not getting back up. Also keeping baby in a daily routine, such as a bath before bed! Making sure they eat enough through the day, make sure they get a good nap, get them moving about and burning energy so they go to bed tired etc.

This isn't going to last forever. Even if it feels like it already has, there's an end in sight where your baby will sleep and you will too! Until then, talk to people, ask for help and support and get some self-care in where you can!

I’m sure you’ll get lots of good advice. The one thing I’d add from experience is that one good night’s sleep every so often can help you through. Can you get some earplugs and leave your OH to do the night wakings while you get to sleep through? Then do the same in reverse. That was one way we coped when our babies woke a lot. A full night’s sleep made a huge difference.

I’ve had similar and didn’t sleep training type stuff…ended up letting them cry for 2mins, then 4, then 6 but if they became too distressed then I’d pick them up. Now, if they cry they either get them self back to sleep or I go in, place my hand on their back and they go back to sleep.
You’ve got to do what you’ve got to do, there’s no right or wrong way of doing things! Ear plugs and team work help! You’ve got this 💪 💐

We suddenly had a very wakeful, agitated baby at 7.5 months too. I was going to do controlled crying because I was sick of the endless night waking a bit OH was against it.

I moved back into our shared bedroom leaving DD alone in her own room and OH started getting up to resettle baby if she woke outside of reasonable feeding times. I’m BFinfg so I think it helped break that feed-sleep overnight association and she returned to 1-2 wake ups overnight.

This is what’s so frustrating, he never wants anything. A lot or the time he’s crying with tiredness, I think.

Does your OH do any night waking?

My DS was a very poor sleeper. We worked out much later that he was very frightened of the dark (we'd been blacking out the bedroom to try to get him to sleep). With hindsight, when he stirred a bit and realised it was dark, then he was instantly hysterical. The first words he put together were 'bad dark'.

He was tall enough to climb out of his cot by 18 months and from then on we caved and let him sleep with us when he wanted to. We never thought we would do that, but we were broken by then and just needed to sleep.

Have you thought about co-sleeping?

So dc goes to sleep at 10/11 and then wakes at 2 and 5?

When my baby did similar,one of us stayed up until 11 and then slept through until 5, getting 6 hours of sleep.

And one of us went to bed early, about 9, so that they could get 5 hours before getting up at 2, and then slept from 3ish until the alarm went off for work.

And doing all of the usual things during those waking periods - no lights on, brief feed, minimal talking etc

We also had that shift pattern @fourminutestosavetheworld. I went to be really early (8ish) and DH dealt with anything that happened until 1am. After 1am I would get up. That way both of us were getting a 5hr stretch each night.

We were still pretty tired, but it kept us both functional at work until we let DS start coming in to us, at which point things got much better sleep wise.

He's exhausted, you're exhausted. I'd try some sort of sleep training. 7m is a perfectly fine age to do it imo.

My 5 month old is like that, but she goes to sleep at 8/8.30 which is great but she is a very wrestlers sleeper so you basically have to lie next to her to rub her back or put her dummy back in or she wakes up screaming. I basically have to go to bed at thw same time as her now which is a pita because I'm not getting to spend time with the rest of the family, yet I can't go to sleep until they are all in bed and being quiet, which could be 12pm. She's up at 2 for a feed and then up at 5.30 every single morning and that's her up and starting the day. I'm back at work in 7 weeks and really crossing my fingers she changes that and just gets up a bit later andaybe setlles down a bit while she's sleeping. Although she's technically sleeping for a good amount of time, I'm probably only getting around 5 hours of sleep a night, sometimes less.

If he is awake after 20 mins at 7-8 put him down at 8-9pm?

Sleep training. Seriously.

Never thought I’d do it - did it at 9 months and worked within days. We would leave my daughter for 6 mins then go in and cuddle and increase by 2 mins each time.

I was a happier, more patient mum, she was a more rested child. Please do not suffer unnecessarily - you all need sleep.

And as for all the “sleep training is cruel - you just teach your child no one comes if they cry” stuff, it is just not true. My daughter (now 27 months) will absolutely call out or cry for me if she needs me, it’s just very rare (if she has a cold or is teething) as for minor things eg just being disturbed in the night, she is now able to self-settle.

Good luck OP x

Your posts reads as if you're single parent but then you later mention an 'OH'.

He needs to do HALF. Do let him claim his job is more important or that the baby doesn't want him.

Either take alternate nights or split the nights. When DD was like that we split the handover at 2am. Wear ear plugs on his shift.

At weekends each take one lie in to try and catch up. The person not on lie in gets an afternoon nap.

You can do it.

'Do not let him claim' that should read

It isn’t that simple crouch

He’s exhausted and crying with tiredness. It isn’t that we are sitting up with a happy, friendly baby.

He doesn’t wake at 2 and then sweetly go back to sleep at 2:10. The second he is back in his cot his eyes open. In any event I need a bit more sleep than that.

Hopefully it will change when I am back at work. It is just a bit miserable thinking at work until 430, then from 7-10 dealing with wailing baby, disturbed through the night then up at half five.

What does his day routine look like OP?

OP, the data suggests that while sleep training does not work for a small core of babies, it does work for the great majority (as in, drastically improves the situation, even if it does not produce perfect sleep every night). You need to do it. Good luck!

Take the night wakings in turn with your DP.....?

You need to do shifts with your OH. Otherwise you will have a breakdown and he will have to work and cope with the baby on his own.

One person to bed at 7 and on night wakings after 1. Other person does all the evening wakings and sleeps 1am to 7am.

This is a stage and you will get though it. But you need to cooperate to keep your health and your sanity intact.

Pl take him to a cranial oesto. My son didn’t sleep through the night until he was 4.5 years old. Also I think you need to look at his day naps - if he is waking after the first sleep at night it could be because he was over tired going to sleep so he crashed out for the first few hours and was too refreshed to start another sleep cycle. He could also be hungry or have food intolerances and wind is bothering him. Or itchy excema.

I've got 3 dc. Co slept with the youngest two and found they slept alot better. Is that an option for you even if your OH has to sleep in a separate bed? Might get you all some sleep.

My son was like this until 12 months, Took all evening to settle and woke up twice after that at similar times without fail.

I was back at work 2 months until his sleep. A month of it was during lockdown 1 when the childminder has to close so he was home all day why my husband and I took it in shifts to work our FT jobs. Oh and we were also homeschooling an older child. There was no furlough for childcare then.

It was absolute hell! I was at breaking point several times. But I got through it.

My point is humans are very resilient and you can function short term with little sleep. It won’t last forever and the more you stress about it and try to control it, the worse it will be.

You just have to soldier on and share the load equally with their dad, and get some decent earplugs so you can sleep through the shift which is his.