To think I’m just not going to be able to cope

[reallybloodytired]

I’m sure I’ll get plenty of people telling me cheerfully I will but I don’t honestly see how.

My seven month old has stopped sleeping. A typical night is he will fall asleep some time between seven and eight … I think great, then twenty to thirty minutes later he wakes up.

This lasts until about ten/eleven o clock as that sleep gives him a second wind. Gets increasingly agitated with tiredness and eventually gives in.

Then up at 2. Then 5. I’m currently sitting up in bed holding him, he’s still thrashing around even though he’s asleep and exhausted he’s still fighting it on one level.

I’m back at work soon. I’m going to have to somehow do a full days work, spend the evening battling him and then all night up and down and up and down. And this is just tiredness and general run down-ness talking but I’m almost feeling dislike towards him, which is horrible but it almost feels personal on some level. I’m just desperate for some fucking sleep

I'm years on from you OP and have 4 and youngest is 6 so I honestly can't help but just wanted to say it is sleep deprivation talking and you can do it and whatever way this gets sorted I promise there will come a day where you feel 'you'. Take care, hugs, it's so hard

Hey OP, my 9mo used to wake every single hour throughout the night. It’s hard, so hard. I don’t agree with sleep training (did my own research, it’s personal choice, not knocking anyone) so we cosleep. I breastfeed too. Slowly, as time went on he wakes less frequently and now it’s not great but he wakes aboutv5 times a night rather than 10.

He has an allergy to soy so we got on top of that and it’s really helped. Do you have a routine? A friend of mine does gentle sleep training (no crying) and she told me One of the best things you can do is keep tweaking things. Try going to bed earlier, try some mad play before you start you night routine (lots of laughter/crawling to get out that energy). Are you stressed when you try and put him down? They definitely pick up on this bit of course it’s easier said than done. My son used to cry ever night before bedtime, as though that was the only way he could sleep. Now we do dinner, outside to take the dog into the garden, bath, book and bed. If he doesn’t want to sleep then I let him mess around in bed, standing etc and he always uses up the last of his energy happily, comes back to bed and feeds to sleep. I totally get that this might not be suitable for you, but maybe you need to just try and relax a bit more, don’t worry about timings, get your routine sorted and then tweak it.

Also remember that babies wake through the night. Sleeping through just isn’t that common. I saw some statistics recently from research and about 70% of parents said their babies wake during the night still by 1 year old. I wake up in the night, most adults do, it’s just that we often can go back to sleep but babies can’t always do that without a little help. Pain, separation anxiety, learning something new, all of these things can really affect a babies sleep.
Check out Lyndsey Hookway if you are interested in gentle sleep support, she’s amazing. Look her up on Instagram.

It’s so hard, I get that (I work too) but it won’t be forever and they will have ups and downs. Get your OH to help you as much as possible too, you’re a team. Xx

I agree you should do alternate nights with your OH its probably only for a couple months. If he's not willing to do that then he doesn't get to have an opinion on sleep training.

Another great sleep support is Sarah Ockwell-Smith. Read her bit about separation anxiety, it really helps you understand things. X

That’s a shame he won’t sleep even in your bed.

Dummy?

DD wouldn’t take one until about 8 months, she had one until about 14 months but it was a life saver and helped her learn to settle herself to sleep. When she was a bit older we also (probably controversial on Mumsnet!) gave her a bottle to have in her cot before bed which settled her.

I can cope with him waking in the night but it’s just the fact he (and I!) aren’t getting any sort of decent block or sleep that’s a bit concerning.

So bed at 745, up at 8, back to bed at 945, up at 12, back to bed at 145, up at 2, back to bed at 250, up at 5 … yes it does impact me, I won’t lie about that, but it impacts him as well. A couple of wake ups are no problem and to be expected. But the evenings are dreadful!

Oh I can’t read SOW, she makes me feel like a horrible person.

It's bloody awful!! We had the same and I was back at work and it was awful!!

We think he had a big development stage along with teething but In the end we decided to get him on a strict routine for the day and night where we done some 'sleep training' after 3 nights he was back to sleeping through and was settling himself to sleep.

Not going to lie the first night I was crying because I hated hearing him cry.

We have been doing it for about a month now and im sure that is what's helped. We followed a guide called Baby sleep programme by little ones but there's lots of info out there.

When my babies were little, I put them down to sleep in the evening with us. So would bath and get babygro on about 7pm, last feed then dim the lights and settle down with them. Cuddle them to sleep and pop them on the sofa at the side of me. Then carry them up to bed at 10/11pm or whenever I went up.

It's not ideal but it saved the relentless up in their room settling them or up and downstairs when they wake up. Dd was in my room until she was 2 (was living with my parent again) and ds in with us until he was 11 months old when we moved house.

It's not perfect but it did mean we got an evening of sorts and both dcs settled pretty easily when we moved to a 'proper' bedtime. They also both slept better when solids were properly established so I'd also have a look at what he is eating solids wise.

But though it feels relentless and exhausting and overwhelming right now it does pass.

What's his day time schedule like? How long has this bad sleep pattern been going on?

It might be teeth, just a thought. My mum told me I cut my first one very early, and I was glad she did as my DD was the same.

At the time I wondered what it was.

Also, yes, as others have said watch the day napping.

Sleep 'training' is not the same as controlled crying which is the damaging bit.

Basically what you are doing is withdrawing stimulation from baby, from their point of view it becomes boring and they might as well go to sleep, which eventually they do.

DD was like this and I felt it was the 8-10 month regression hitting early as after a few weeks she settled down again.

We did pick up put Down at 4 month, worked well, then at 7/8 months we did a few mins crying, go in and Pat, repeat until asleep anf now she mainly sleeps well 7.30-10. Dream feed , then 10.30-6ish.

My dc1 was a great sleeper so I rather smugly thought I would never do any sleep training.

Dc2 put me straight. I rationalised it by realising that training someone to sleep well is beneficial to them.

Anyway, lots of research done and various techniques considered and we got dc2 sleeping. Well, dh did. I was still breastfeeding so we felt it unfair if ds smelt my milk so dh did the lion's share. It took a few nights.

I had the same. Helpful friends didn't understand he wasn't just awake he was awake and upset for ages every night.

We did gentle sleep training. Was about 30mins crying first night- probably less than he'd normally do in total tbh.

Used Lucy Wolfe's book, her Instagram videos were really helpful too. He was sleeping through in a week. Much better than awful guilt inducing Sarah Ockwell!

How does he fall asleep? Are there sleep associations that he needs when he wakes? Whats his daytime nap routine- ds was always happy in the daytime but it still really helped moving timings slightly.

OP you say he isn't eating solids yet? At 7 months, he may very well be hungry?

Is he waking for milk, sorry if I've missed it, I would try a milk feed.
Also mine at that age, we gave them a little bit of supper before teeth and bed - buttered toast, or porridge, weetabix, that sort of thing.

I hear you about feeling a bit mad through lack of sleep (mine wasn't babies recently but terminally ill parent, fun times)

Lots of helpful suggestions here OP, but you are dismissing everything which ain’t sleep training so just sleep train 🤷‍♀️ you don’t need validation if that’s what you want to do.

*isnt

In the long term it’s kinder to both of you to just sleep train. It feels awful but I think in a situation like this actually you’re doing them a kindness. Sleep deprivation is bad for everyone and you cannot expect to work on no sleep. Getting up once or twice briefly might be ok, but not what you’re doing now.

Mine is the same - I just keep her up until about 10.30pm/11 instead of bothering to be stressed trying to get her down for hours before

I may be wrong here but it seems like you just want people to tell you it's OK to sleep train your little baby because you're not acknowledging all the posters who are trying to suggest alternatives first, leaving sleep training as plan B. Lots of people have suggested you reflect on the baby's routine, food intake and other factors, to explore what minor changes could help, as well as considering whether baby is weaning and hungry etc. Sleep training is a good plan B but I think it's cruel to do this without having actually reflected on what may be going on for the baby first and how you can help by responding differently.

My son was a shocking sleeper; I worked a lot of nights when he was around 7 months , and my poor mum’s diary from those times shows she was getting up 14 times a night with him. I got more rest at work.

With hindsight I would have 1) forked out for a sleep trainer and 2) tackled his eating. He faffed and messed about with solids (was probably too tired), but then never settled as probably hungry, but then wouldn’t eat as too tired, and repeat. We were trapped in a poor eating/sleeping cycle that was hideous at the time.

@HerrBish yes I thought so too.

You'll cope, if for no other reason than you have to. One of mine was the same, from birth to about 2. At times I was barely functioning, especially when a dc2 arrived and I had two of them to deal with at night.

If it helps I found going to work a lovely break, so I think you will find it easier not harder when you go back. The mental break from relentless childcare is very refreshing. Yes work is hard, but the never getting a minute to yourself is also hard in a different way and much more draining.

In the meantime do what you can to make things easier. Do shifts with your partner. I used to go to bed at 7pm, DH would usually get dc down about 11pm. He'd then go to bed and I do the numerous wakes after that. The 4 hours rest (if not sleep) I got early evening helped massively.

Also (dare I say it) sleep train. I did with dc2, because I couldn't have coped if they had been as bad as dc1. Allowed me to reclaim my sanity, and even now many many years later dc2 just falls asleep within minutes and dc1 is still up and down stairs half the night.

herr because I’d like to know more.

The helpful suggestions mostly involve living in absolute chaos, which I don’t really want tbh.

I have posted about ds’s weaning and everyone said not to worry about it and he’ll eat solids when he’s ready so dammed if I do.

I’m not necessarily looking for anything harsh with sleep training, just for help managing the evenings.

Keeping him up with us just involved somebody having to hold a shouty angry baby for a few hours.

I’m really sorry if I’m dismissing advice but if we know how it will go it seems a bit daft to try it.

Anyway don’t carry on posting - I’m mentally not up to the MN wolves.