To think I’m just not going to be able to cope

[reallybloodytired]

I’m sure I’ll get plenty of people telling me cheerfully I will but I don’t honestly see how.

My seven month old has stopped sleeping. A typical night is he will fall asleep some time between seven and eight … I think great, then twenty to thirty minutes later he wakes up.

This lasts until about ten/eleven o clock as that sleep gives him a second wind. Gets increasingly agitated with tiredness and eventually gives in.

Then up at 2. Then 5. I’m currently sitting up in bed holding him, he’s still thrashing around even though he’s asleep and exhausted he’s still fighting it on one level.

I’m back at work soon. I’m going to have to somehow do a full days work, spend the evening battling him and then all night up and down and up and down. And this is just tiredness and general run down-ness talking but I’m almost feeling dislike towards him, which is horrible but it almost feels personal on some level. I’m just desperate for some fucking sleep

*Was back at work 2 months before his sleep pattern changed and he slept through most nights

Increase his food a little throughout the day. Try putting him to bed a little later. Don’t lift him up out the cot, maybe get a chair and sit next to the cot and gently stroke his back to sooth back to sleep. It’s a horrendous time and sleep deprivation really is torture.

Share the night wakings with his father?

I sleep trained mine, hated it but it worked and did them no perceptible harm. I'd say your OH doesn't get to object unless he does half the waking.

100% he needs sleep training for your own sanity!

I have 4 DC - twins blissfully slept from 6-6 from being around 3 months old. DS needed less sleep and was a struggle but nothing too horrific.

DD was a fucking nightmare from day 1.

Firstly 7/8 months is common for sleep to be disrupted due to teething etc, it doesn’t need to be permanent so don’t let that worry you.

Secondly, as a PP suggested, sleep training is awful for 3-4 days but after that we had no issues whatsoever. Yes it’s painful to go through but honestly it is SO worth it in the end!

(Now if anyone has any ideas on how to sleep train my DD16 to sleep before 5am and wake before 4pm that would be great)

I want to do some gentle sleep training as it’s ridiculous now but OH keeps saying he gets hysterical so I don’t know. It seems kinder to me to teach him how to sleep as endlessly getting him out of his cot isn’t teaching him how to sleep

Does your OH help much at night? On balance I would do sleep training, it doesn't have to be the cruel leaving them wailing for hours on end some people seem to think, and as you say, as well as being savage for you not sleeping, it's not great for them either being constantly tired. Do they have a bottle before bed?

I dont agree with cio but I did gentle sleep training with my youngest and he became the best sleeper ever. I stopped lifting him out of the cot, and when he cried I started by putting my hand in and resting it on his chest and shushing him, Id also stay in the room but every night move slightly further away from the cot, only slightly, until eventually you're outside the door.

I did have to wait for his reflux to go away though, so I would make sure there is nothing else wrong first.
Could you put the calpol in the bottle, I know this isnt recommended but it always worked for mine, you just dont give any extra doses in case they havent taken it all in.

Is he hungry, are his day naps too long/short, or too early/late?
Id investigate it all now and get him sleeping properly before going back to work, itll be less stress on you both

I think I’m going to look at gentle sleep training.

The problem with doing shifts is that one person is doomed to going to bed at 7 and the other at 1, and you still don’t get enough sleep. Fine as a short term thing with a newborn, but as a lifestyle is rather wretched.

Is he breastfed or does he have a bottle? How is weaning going? What about naps?

You might be surprised. DD was like this at 7 months but was sleeping through by 11 months. The first year at work was hard as she did wake up at about 5, plus she had a lot of colds but we used to all go to bed early! 7 months is still so tiny and regardless of what you hear it’s very normal to not be sleeping through.

If it helps you all sleep just bring him into your bed. I wish I’d done this sooner, a lot of teething goes on at that age and it doesn’t mean they will be sleeping in your bed forever!

If it happens, you'll manage, because millions of us have been where you are, and lived to tell the tale (sleepily...). It's hard though, I'm not going to deny that.

We had a similar level of disturbed sleep with our youngest - wake ups were often in double figures, and she often liked to be awake from 1-4 (ie a 3 hour block).

Balancing work and being up 10+ times a night made the newborn days look like a haven of sleep and rest, and I look back and wonder how I managed, but I did, and things have got a lot better in three last few months, since she turned 2. She got there, and I'm glad I gave her the time to do it in her way.

My youngest is breastfed and refused bottles, so I did all nights with her (my husband got up with her early, to give me a couple of hours, and he dealt with it eldest (now 4) who also doesn't sleep through.

How are you and your partner sharing things?

Bringing him into my bed doesn’t work as he’s just a reluctant to be put down in the bed as he is in the cot. So either you have to hold him all night and stay awake or fall asleep which I understand is not considered safe. (Or comfortable!)

I’m sure I will manage if I have to baby but I’d rather not have to, to be honest, which is why I’m looking at how I can manage this. Apart from anything else it isn’t really fair on ds.

I do appreciate the ‘shift’ advice, I’m not ignoring this: we did it when ds was a newborn.

But it isn’t workable as a solution long term unless things are desperate, not with two working parents. It means one parent is doomed to going to bed at 7/8 o clock and the other has to stay up and manage ds solo at his most difficult. We both have jobs where we sometimes have to work in the evenings - it isn’t workable.

I really really feel for you. Some people's babies sleep so beautifully and mine, well, just did not. The best thing I did was not compare as that's when I started to feel resentment to my baby and I had to nip that in the bud although really hard but just concentrating on the problem at hand.
I did some sleep training and although I have mixed feelings about it now, it did help at the time so at least she spent a few hours in the cot and then co slept. I also found as previous posters said that making sure she got the early nap of the day in as early as possible set the tone for the day and night and nights definitely improved when she had an early nap. I got it whatever way I had to- sling, buggy, car or boob but the first nap was the best solution for me.
Really you have my huge sympathies and hope things improve.
My dd is now 2 and sleeps 7/8-12 and then I put her in bed with me till 5, then bit of boob then 7. It's not ideal but it's copeable and a huge improvement and it's what SHE is capable of. It DOES get better.

If his needs are met, can you just out him in his cot with maybe one of those musical ceiling projectors on.

Let him entertain himself while you get some sleep?

What is his daytime routine like op?

If he is exhausted but resisting sleep from the early evening onwards, perhaps daytime naps need to be adjusted?

You can do the shift sleeping thing until the sleep training starts to work - hopefully before you're back at work.

Ok, you do shifts alternate nights instead. That's what we did with our first. One unbroken night followed by a terrible night, and actually it didn't ever feel that bad as your body has some time to recover.

I wasn't saying that it's good or ok to have such rubbish sleep, but you were saying you couldn't see how you'd cope, and I was just pointing out that you can be assured you will manage if you have to, because those before your have, and that eventually it will pass.

In case it wasn't clear, I mean alternating who is responsible at night, so you have half of nights with good sleep (downstairs with ear plugs if needed) and half with rubbish sleep. The person with good sleep gets baby up and out to childcare.

baby I have to consider ds as well.

couch he doesn’t tend to lie quietly, sadly.

His daytime naps are fine, he isn’t really eating solids yet but he feeds well other than that.

Would it be worth considering taking the side off his cot? Baby proof his room and put a baby gate on his door instead?
Only suggest it because bending over a cot is a nightmare. Much easier to sit on the floor or lean over their bed and pat them.
Or you could get an air bed and sleep in with him while you try and get him more settled. Might help to establish the idea he sleeps in his own room.
Also, for teething pain ipruprofen based is much more effective than traditional calpol

Lack of sleep is actually bad for people. Especially when they are having to work.

Sleep training can help.

This was me. Add 1:15 commute mornings and evenings and it was a new job! OH couldn't help because he worked even further away and therefore didn't help whilst I was on maternity leave and of course, by then, she was used to me and only wanted me for comfort, so he couldn't help (used to make her even more upset).

It went on for 6 months. I don't know how I coped. In the end, I knew that she had a health issue despite doctors dismissing me. Keeping diary, I finally put 2 and 2 together and realised that she didn't digest fibre well and it was giving her horrible cramps, especially in the evenings. I changed her diet and things go better although by then, she was used to waking up and sleeping with me. She did so until she was 3 years old.

It certainly wasn't ideal but I did cope and looking back, quite well too.

I have to consider ds as well.

Well yes, but what relevance does that have to working out whether you take it in shifts, and if so how you do it?

Whether to sleep train and how you manage night wakings between you are two separate issues.

I couldn't and wouldn't want to sleep train, so others can give your tips/thoughts on that, but if you want to know how to manage the broken nights (that you'll still have some of irrespective, during sleep regressions, illness etc, or if it doesn't work, or you decide not to), then I've got about 4 years experience of this, 3 of it whilst working.

It wasn't called 'sleep training' in my day but it sounds similar to what we did.

We also played a tape of Wiegenlieder at a very low level, which sent our sons off to sleep in no time.

If you add up 3 nights of crying with sleep training and compare it with the amount of baby tiredness crying (and my crying), then it worked out for us the minimum harm.

We did it at around 13 months but if I was having your problems I definitely would have done it sooner.

In the day I held baby all the time, being well slept helped me smile and talk to her in the day as well as drive safely etc

The way I did it was going to them when they woke crying, checking they were ok! Saying night night once and lying then down once (they sprang up of course) and I went to sit beside them and pretending I was asleep. Then after a minute, lying them down and saying night night. Then continuing this, without saying night night and no eye contact.
Then once they lay down I would stand slightly back (looking away but in view) and gradually (each time) be less and less visible.

Horrible 2 nights but third night better and then was fairly strict afterwards that any night wakening (much less often) was not smiling/eye contact or talking (even to myself or DH if possible). Genuinely felt I couldn’t do it, but I did, lasting benefit, great sleepers since, didn’t have to do it again.

I’m too tired to explain baby 😴

It’s mostly these disturbed evenings driving me a bit mad.