To think I’m just not going to be able to cope

[reallybloodytired]

I’m sure I’ll get plenty of people telling me cheerfully I will but I don’t honestly see how.

My seven month old has stopped sleeping. A typical night is he will fall asleep some time between seven and eight … I think great, then twenty to thirty minutes later he wakes up.

This lasts until about ten/eleven o clock as that sleep gives him a second wind. Gets increasingly agitated with tiredness and eventually gives in.

Then up at 2. Then 5. I’m currently sitting up in bed holding him, he’s still thrashing around even though he’s asleep and exhausted he’s still fighting it on one level.

I’m back at work soon. I’m going to have to somehow do a full days work, spend the evening battling him and then all night up and down and up and down. And this is just tiredness and general run down-ness talking but I’m almost feeling dislike towards him, which is horrible but it almost feels personal on some level. I’m just desperate for some fucking sleep

Oh sorry I didn't realise you had already asked about food and weaning. My advice still is reasonable, I think.

I hope this resolves easily for you, best wishes.

I went back to work at 7 months too and my DS was in such a terrible phase for sleep. We were having 7 or more wake-ups a night and he couldn't settle himself. I can't add much beyond what everyone else has said but I wanted to reassure you that it was just that: a phase.

I spoke to my health visitor and also to a sleep consultant and we tried various kinds of gentle sleep training, and at 10 months his sleep suddenly markedly improved. I honestly don't know whether it was the sleep training, or the fact his front teeth were all through, or just a developmental thing, but he suddenly started sleeping for longer stretches and "only" waking up once or twice. Now he's one and a half and almost always sleeps in his own room from 8pm to 7am without needing us at all.

During the really bad times, what really helped was my husband doing early morning and breakfast with DS. So I'd do the night time wake-ups (as I had the boobs) but from about 6am to 8.30am I could sleep. Knowing that I had that guaranteed few hours of sleep/alone time made being awake with a crying baby at 3/4/5 so much more bearable. It's not always possible if you're both working or have commutes or school runs in the morning, but even if only at weekends it's a massive help.

Sleeeeeeep train OP. You need sleep. He needs quality sleep. This isn't sustainable.

Look into the Ferber method. We used it at six months and went from a baby who was awake every 1-2hr overnight to a baby who went down to bed at 5.45pm and was up at 6am. He's 18m now, asleep for 6.15pm, up at 7am. With two regular, scheduled naps in the day.

There's no reason to sit back and accept terrible sleep at this age, you don't have a newborn any more!

The helpful suggestions are a temporary chaos while he learns to stay asleep, then after a few days it gets easier and you'll have a better routine and more rest. You have to change something and that will take hard work and perseverance, but it is worth it

PS I'd recommend joining a sleep training group on facebook for support and guidance with it. Respectful Sleep Training/Learning is excellent. There are thousands, millions of parents who've sleep trained successfully. I can't tell you how much our lives all changed for the better once we gave DS space to learn how to fall asleep on his own, it meant when he woke in the night he could nod back off rather than waking fully and needing us to go rock or feed him back to sleep.

It was very helpful @FlibbertyGiblets I’m sorry if I didn’t convey that.

I meant the posters saying he’s hungry - it’s just I’ve posted to ask about weaning and told I’m worrying too much so I don’t know what to do really!

I couldn't figure out how to sleep train - too tired I think. So in the end, one night at about 1am when she was 9m old and I was desperate, I put her in her cot and went back to bed with a pillow on my head. She cried for 12 minutes. It felt like hours. The next night it was more like 14 minutes. Then after that she just sort of figured it out and she mostly slept 8/8.30pm-6am. I probably should have done some more gentle sleep training, and not just left her to cry, but I did it in desperation the week before I went back to work. Have an unMumsnetty hug. It does get better. Non-sleeping 9 month old is now a giant 12 year old who goes to school and back on her own and can cook me dinner.

I don't know if anyone has mentioned it, but we did the Tracey Hogg pick up / put down method of sleep training. It took a few days, the first day I must have picked up and put down well over 100 times, the second about 50 and by the third he'd given up and went to sleep. I don't know if this will help, but it avoided the trauma of controlled crying on all of us and got our DS to sleep... Good luck OP

That’s another book I’ve binned can you tell I’ve tried a few things?

Ds never used to be too bad so perhaps it is just teeth. I’ll have a look for Lucy Wolfe.

The problem is that I certainly don’t want ds crying and upset and I don’t think I could leave him like that even if I wanted to.

But what a few posters aren’t understanding very well is it isn’t just a case of a baby with a slightly later bedtime than most: that’s not a problem. It’s as if he’s desperate for sleep and falls asleep in your arms but fights desperately, thrashing about and getting so frustrated and upset.

Yes, it’s horrible for me. I really got annoyed last night and I’m not proud of that, in fact I’m really upset with myself. But it’s horrible for him, too. Anyone who has needed to sleep but can’t knows it’s awful.

Naps are fine. He is formula fed (not my choice SOW) and I do offer him milk when he wakes but he generally doesn’t want it.

It probably is a phase, it’s just probably the worst one we’ve had yet!

There is nothing chaotic about alternating nights 🤷‍♀️.

There is nothing chaotic about looking into his diet, his routines etc to see if anything can be tweaked.

Given baby is bottle fed, I really don't understand why is all falling on your shoulders anyway. If you shared the wakings you'd get fast more sleep, immediately, without a tear. And yes, if sounds as if your little one is chronically overtired and needs to get more sleep, but you need to have more sleep to have the energy to come up with a plan and tackle it. So personally, I'd do the alternate nights for say, 2 weeks, then come up with a plan if you still want to sleep train, or think of other ways to tackle the issue.

I’m on maternity leave at the moment. I’m looking to the future. I’m not actually finding your input helpful at all.

Ok, a lot of people alternate, take shifts irrespective of who is on leave. I'm worried that he's not pulling his weight as it seems to be in your shoulders entirely which isn't fair.

And tbh, your aren't finding anyone helpful unless they are just saying to sleep train.

YANBU to want to sleep train. Could your husband do two nights of wakings (e.g. Friday and Saturday) or whenever he is off, so that you can at least get two decent nights sleep which will give you more headspace and energy before you start your plan of action?

Baby, yes but you are rather (purposefully) missing the point.

I don’t actually think I will sleep train yet as I think it is linked to teeth and so seems unkind.

But you are telling me how to live my life around ds’s bad sleep when what I need is help with the bad sleep.

Being on maternity leave doesn't mean you don't deserve unbroken sleep.

Absolutely agree OP you need to look into sleep training. You need to keep your mental health and do your job when you go back to work (and not get sacked). Only advice is don’t worry too much about weaning yet but cram him full of milk in the day.

Does he nap in the day?

He does … it used to be a battle but he’s been pretty good lately.

So it probably is teeth which means I feel horrible for getting annoyed

How many day time naps and how long for?

Usually two totalling three hours. But variable.

That's pretty good then. What time does he get up from his last nap?

Thing is, it isn't always a phase. I have friends whose babies were bad sleepers at that age and continued to be so. One whose daughter still wakes three times per night needing mum or dad at five years old!

Teething is no reason not to sleep train if you want to, he'll be teething for well over a year or more, and being able to get good sleep can really help with that. As long as you're giving him Calpol for the pain you can sleep train during teething no issues. Since we sleep trained DS he hasn't had a single hour of sleep disturbed from teething as he just sleeps through it. Some grizzling during the day occasionally but we've barely noticed them until they pop through!

Go for the sleep training. DC1 was 8 months when we did it. He would wake up about 1 and not go back to sleep till about 3 and that was after quite often having a first wake up one cycle after going down.

First night took an hour and half of going in at regular intervals and increasing but never past 5 minutes and he woke up twice. Second night was 20 minutes and one wake up. Third night was 5 minutes and he slept through.

Sleep training is a great idea. So unfair to let your ds get so overtired. Is he going to nursery? The routine there should be good for him.

The reality is for the first 3-5 years you get disturbed sleep with young dc. So you will crack this but there will be set backs or new developments that mean your night waking returns.

Awful sleep at 7mo is absolutely par for the course but I agree you set him up as best you can. Bring bedtime forward to stop missing his sleep window. Take turns with your dh so you get a night off. Make sure he's getting enough daytime sleep. And yes, don't draw out bed time by endlessly going in to him. It's madness when he will go down if you leave him to it.

He’ll be going once I’m back at work. Thanks for responses. Sorry if I was grumpy, just that I really don’t want months / years of having no life at all and ds being exhausted!

I’m going to try to have him sleep tonight with me in there but not bringing him into the lounge or wherever. Wonder how long before I crack …

Good luck tonight OP. I found co-sleeping stopped working once he could crawl as he just wouldn't stay still once he woke up.

Lucy Wolfe method means you stay with them so they aren't left to cry alone. They know you are there and you can touch and soothe them. Pick up/put down and sshhhh pat all seemed a bit over stimulating for my ds.