Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let our baby sleep in a guesthouse in the garden

644 replies

Zipfer · 12/07/2021 21:52

We are in between moves and staying with family. Our family has a guesthouse (a kind of extended shed with a bedroom kitchenette and bathroom) in the garden about twenty metres at the end of the garden. The guesthouse is visible from the house.

In the evenings we have taken to putting our baby (6 months) to sleep in the guesthouse while we stay in the mainhouse. We have a baby monitor and the house is door is locked. We know the area. We are also sleeping on the guesthouse.

DW and I both agree that this is safe as the risk is low. However, thinking about other famous cases (not drawing a parallel), we think it might be odd to let our baby sleep in a different building for part of the evening. Would you consider this sufficiently safe to allow your baby sleep in this situation?

OP posts:
MistyFrequencies · 12/07/2021 22:20

I think it's the locked door that bothers me. If it's so safe out there, why lock the door?

Cap89 · 12/07/2021 22:21

I am in agreement with those who don’t see the difference with putting baby in a room upstairs. You’ve said baby is 6 months, which is when it’s fine for a baby to be in their own room. It’s a couple of hours and you have a monitor. Also all these people with these incredible babies who could sleep in the hall, then be wheeled into the garden when you go to bed and transferred into the cot without waking them. That would have been a recipe for disaster with us. I also don’t see why all these people panicking about a fire think it’s any different to a fire starting somewhere in the house. It might actually be harder to get upstairs to rescue baby than running across the garden! Enjoy your evenings.

Radio4ordie · 12/07/2021 22:21

@Viviennemary

I think it is extremely unsafe. It's serious neglect.
I don’t think you have seen serious neglect, if you think this is it. You shouldn’t throw those words around about a judgement call you would make differently. I know social workers who have happily put their baby to sleep in a caravan and then come and sat in a marquee on a campsite. This isn’t really any different. You may not agree but it just isn’t “serious neglect”.
Graphista · 12/07/2021 22:21

I wouldn't do this.

Monitors fail all the time and you wouldn't necessarily know.

I'd want to be at least in listening distance/set up

Especially with such a young baby.

The kind of things that can go wrong at this stage need very quick reactions.

I'll admit I'm also wondering if this guest house has been created according to legislation?

Any building with a kitchen I believe requires planning permission and is subject to certain fire regulations. Is there a boiler in there? How is it heated? Because the other thing I'm wondering if about carbon monoxide safety regs.

By the time a fire alarm goes off and you hear it, could be too late for your child in terms of smoke inhalation.

It's absolutely a bad idea to lock the door - a fire or carbon monoxide leak or similar is actually far more likely than a burglary and you need to get in and out fast if anything like that happens. Ditto if they spit up and at risk of choking or they get tangled in any way in clothing/bedding

If you were that comfortable with this, you wouldn’t be asking

Absolutely!

I'm speaking not only as a mother but as a former nanny and childminder too. As a childminder I wouldn't have been allowed to have this kind of setup with a mindee as it would be deemed unsafe - I think that says it all.

A lot of people over lockdown built summer houses and guest houses etc without checking regs, getting planning permission, having the work checked etc

I won't be at all surprised if many of these are found to be unsafe and the owners/builders either told to rectify the safety issues or take them down when authorities catch up on all the backlog there currently is

No I absolutely would not leave a young baby in this situation - to the point if I knew you in real life I would say something to you, even if it risked a falling out.

PiffleWiffleWoozle · 12/07/2021 22:22

If you are that sure it’s safe OP, what led you to post the question on AIBU?

JustMeAndWheatley · 12/07/2021 22:22

@muddledmidget

Somehow for me, it seems worse that you lock the door. If it's safe enough to leave them in there unattended and you're watching and listening, I'm not sure I understand why you feel you need to lock the door, it just slows you down should you need to get back to them
This ^
LadyCatStark · 12/07/2021 22:22

Nope not since MMC, not that I had a child before then so just no.

giantwaterbottle · 12/07/2021 22:22

No way would I do this but on a scale it's not awful I suppose.

Lemonandlime123 · 12/07/2021 22:23

Absolutely not.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 12/07/2021 22:23

so many things could go wrong with this plan. Its just not worth the risk.

Graphista · 12/07/2021 22:23

You’ve said baby is 6 months, which is when it’s fine for a baby to be in their own room.

Not quite true. This is the point at which the risk of sids starts to lessen somewhat. But sids can still happen in older babies and there are other risks here too.

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/07/2021 22:23

I think mumsnet posters are generally more cautious thanfolk I know in real life. About lots of things.

I've jumped off bridges, abseiled down torrents, I have advance diving qualification, literally hiked in places with lions, not tigers, and bears, I've travelled places that would curl your hair. It was worth it.

But this is risk for nothing. Baby in a travel cot in the hallway is safer and just as good.

2bazookas · 12/07/2021 22:23

No, I would not.

For the same reason I required any babysitter to stay in our house with the child.

silvergoldstars · 12/07/2021 22:24

I’m a bit lost with all the serious neglect comments.

I probably wouldn’t but it really is not any different to sitting in the garden.

As for ‘babies should be able to sleep through lights and noise’ quite a few can’t and nor should they have to.

Tambourinetunes · 12/07/2021 22:24

20 metres? What about people who live in big houses do they also stay within 20 metres of their baby? You could be further away whilst watering the garden away from the house the baby is in. I am very anxious but I cannot see the harm in this. If you heard the baby or alarm you could get there very fast.

upsideoxide · 12/07/2021 22:24

Your baby, your house; you know the risk. Your choice. Nobody else can comment

kgap · 12/07/2021 22:25

We have a similar setup with an annexe and I don’t think it would be “terrible parenting” to leave the baby there for a few hours with a fire alarm and baby monitor. You should do what works for you at this time, OP!

Clymene · 12/07/2021 22:25

Yes I would

nc8765 · 12/07/2021 22:26

Nope.

Cocopogo · 12/07/2021 22:26

I don’t see a huge problem. The chance of a fire etc are so very slim. I would think baby might be more at risk in main house with other family members who may be untrustworthy or drunk or whatever. I would personally quite happily sit in bed on you tube or whatever than socialise anyway!

Happymum12345 · 12/07/2021 22:27

No. Not in a million years. I wouldn’t be able to sleep.

Shodan · 12/07/2021 22:27

Statistically, the chances of anything untoward happening are very low indeed.
But they're not chances I would be prepared to take, tbh.
I would've put the baby in their pram, and left them in the hallway or something.

Hardbackwriter · 12/07/2021 22:27

I'm amazed that people are so horrified at this - I really can't see the difference from the baby being in a bedroom. And some of the advice is so weird - like 'oh, just get them used to sleeping through noise' - is when staying with family really the time to deliberately fuck up the baby's sleep so that they 'get used to it'?!

RosesAndHellebores · 12/07/2021 22:28

We have a summer house/office/gym at the end of a very large garden. There is heating, lighting, a wc and WiFi down there. There are locked side gates on either side of the alarmed house and entrances are lit. The house itself is in a gated private road. I wouldn't have any qualms at all but I also can't understand why the baby can't be put to sleep in an internal bedroom until you all go to to bed.

lastcall · 12/07/2021 22:28

@Zipfer

To make it clear, we are also sleeping in the guesthouse. But from say 8pm to 10pm, the baby if he’s asleep, is put in bed while we stay in the main house
That changes things for me if you have a monitor. YANBU