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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let our baby sleep in a guesthouse in the garden

644 replies

Zipfer · 12/07/2021 21:52

We are in between moves and staying with family. Our family has a guesthouse (a kind of extended shed with a bedroom kitchenette and bathroom) in the garden about twenty metres at the end of the garden. The guesthouse is visible from the house.

In the evenings we have taken to putting our baby (6 months) to sleep in the guesthouse while we stay in the mainhouse. We have a baby monitor and the house is door is locked. We know the area. We are also sleeping on the guesthouse.

DW and I both agree that this is safe as the risk is low. However, thinking about other famous cases (not drawing a parallel), we think it might be odd to let our baby sleep in a different building for part of the evening. Would you consider this sufficiently safe to allow your baby sleep in this situation?

OP posts:
Original poster
Zipfer · 16/07/2021 11:37

We're aware that the guidelines are sleeping in the same room - which we are doing - but not that they count for every minute of the day. As we I have written, on average, the baby is in a room with people for at least 22 hours per day, and on average, probably around 23 hours.

OP posts:
Notwavingbutdrowing3 · 16/07/2021 11:46

It's interesting that there have been range of views mostly YABU

The issue for me isn't that you don't have baby in same room as you whilst s/he is sleeping later snd it's only for couple hours, guesthouse lodge type building at bottom of garden of house you will be in.

But that you are in different buildings even though on same site. Sat outside in garden by the building your baby is sleeping in, with doors open as it's hot, fair enough. But inside another building even if nearby with multiple doors closed and locked between you is a different building. Same as going next door to sit with neighbours whilst you take baby monitor with you.

Even if anything is extremely unlikely to happen, fire, baby ill health, break in and kidnap baby, all those awful things that we fear but know are low probability- but the problem for me would be - is it ever ok to leave your baby alone in a building even if sleeping, without an adult in that building or just outside with door open of that building ? The answer is no.

In U.K. if anything happened to your baby, it would be viewed as neglect as baby was left alone and they do prosecute. They might have not seen it this way years ago, but it is now if they are call end in tor any reason

Police can also view it as this if you leave sleeping baby in car U.K. get petrol for few minutes. And that seems unfair too as people do do it and watch the car from garage paying queue.

Somethingsnappy · 16/07/2021 12:11

@Zipfer

We're aware that the guidelines are sleeping in the same room - which we are doing - but not that they count for every minute of the day. As we I have written, on average, the baby is in a room with people for at least 22 hours per day, and on average, probably around 23 hours.
The guidelines do mean all naps at that age OP. Babies are not only at risk of SIDS during the night. As I said though, they are guidelines, not strict instructions. But with a premature baby, I think most people would be more inclined to stick closely to the guidelines, not less. And not quite so far away perhaps and between locked doors.
Somethingsnappy · 16/07/2021 12:14

The post just above my previous one ( @Notwavingbutdrowing3 ) is a very sensible answer.

MurielSpriggs · 16/07/2021 14:45

I wouldn't think twice about it.

FreekStar2 · 16/07/2021 16:04

@Notwavingbutdrowing3 there's no logic in getting a baby out of a car at a petrol station and carrying them across the forecourt where cars are shunting in and out and petrol is all over the floor. safer in the car in my opinion for the few minutes it takes to pay. But that's just me.

Marmitemarinaded · 16/07/2021 17:35

If your guesthouse like mine
Hotter than the sun in the summer on a hot day like forecast

Marmitemarinaded · 16/07/2021 17:36

[quote FreekStar2]@Notwavingbutdrowing3 there's no logic in getting a baby out of a car at a petrol station and carrying them across the forecourt where cars are shunting in and out and petrol is all over the floor. safer in the car in my opinion for the few minutes it takes to pay. But that's just me.[/quote]
I never got mine out the car

And had bugger all to do with safety of staying in versus walking across forecourt

It was becuae I couldn’t be arsed for the sake of less than 5 mins when I could see them from the window

ancientgran · 16/07/2021 22:43

@Notwavingbutdrowing3

It's interesting that there have been range of views mostly YABU

The issue for me isn't that you don't have baby in same room as you whilst s/he is sleeping later snd it's only for couple hours, guesthouse lodge type building at bottom of garden of house you will be in.

But that you are in different buildings even though on same site. Sat outside in garden by the building your baby is sleeping in, with doors open as it's hot, fair enough. But inside another building even if nearby with multiple doors closed and locked between you is a different building. Same as going next door to sit with neighbours whilst you take baby monitor with you.

Even if anything is extremely unlikely to happen, fire, baby ill health, break in and kidnap baby, all those awful things that we fear but know are low probability- but the problem for me would be - is it ever ok to leave your baby alone in a building even if sleeping, without an adult in that building or just outside with door open of that building ? The answer is no.

In U.K. if anything happened to your baby, it would be viewed as neglect as baby was left alone and they do prosecute. They might have not seen it this way years ago, but it is now if they are call end in tor any reason

Police can also view it as this if you leave sleeping baby in car U.K. get petrol for few minutes. And that seems unfair too as people do do it and watch the car from garage paying queue.

I know someone who left sleeping toddler in the car as she unloaded shopping, she took stuff through to the kitchen and at the frontdoor saw two teenagers backing the car off her drive. They obviously got a shock when toddler woke up and started screaming and the stopped the car, got out leaving the doors open and ran off. An elderly man called the police and stood by the car until the police arrived, he was frightened to get her out of the car incase people thought he'd abducted her.

It happens.

Kentuki · 16/07/2021 22:51

I don’t think I would, and I am very relaxed.

BUT - you are the one there, and assuming you are a loving, attentive, responsive parent, then I trust you would make a sensible judgement. You’ve assessed it, think it’s safe and so therefore it is.

FTEngineerM · 16/07/2021 22:53

No. It just feels instinctively wrong to leave a baby alone and be relatively far away even with a monitor.

I don’t even go in the garden when DS(1) is asleep.

anonforamo · 16/07/2021 23:43

No way, no way, no way.

I can't even believe this is a question and that adults think it's okay for a young baby. I honestly am stumped by this and that's rare.

NakedAttraction · 16/07/2021 23:45

I don’t even go in the garden when DS(1) is asleep.

Have you seen anyone about your anxiety?

FreekStar2 · 16/07/2021 23:51

@ancientgran so the parent was in the kitchen unloading shopping long enough for someone to call the police and wait for them to arrive ? Not the same really... Hmm On the plus side, the toddler stopped the car being stolen Smile

olidora63 · 16/07/2021 23:54

Have read the whole thread and I am amazed at how uptight most people are with their children! Am sure I love and care as much about my beautiful children but I cannot comprehend the anxiety that I have picked up on . Seriously why are parents now so anxious? Genuine question!

ZenNudist · 16/07/2021 23:56

It's fine. Presumably you check physically and have a monitor

MurielSpriggs · 17/07/2021 00:07

@olidora63

Have read the whole thread and I am amazed at how uptight most people are with their children! Am sure I love and care as much about my beautiful children but I cannot comprehend the anxiety that I have picked up on . Seriously why are parents now so anxious? Genuine question!
I think it's a generational thing. A cohort has already been brought up to believe that the world is a terrible dangerous place, with threats posed by all types of inanimate objects and bogey men in every bush waiting to jump out and steal children. That cohort is now raising it's kids, hence many of the views expressed on this thread. Although they will look positively cavalier in their approach to their child rearing when the kids grow up and rear their own kids!
GintyMcGinty · 17/07/2021 00:08

I don't see what the problem is. You check. You have a monitor. No different IMO to being in another part of the house. Or being in the garden while baby is in the house.

BoredZelda · 17/07/2021 00:30

I wouldn’t.

Not that it matters. From your answers it looks like you’re ok with it and aren’t really looking for opinions.

MrsMillhouse · 17/07/2021 00:48

Hell no. No no no no no.

And that’s not even thinking of child abduction which is very very rare. More the fear of a fire (a fire killed one of my close friends as a child as she couldn’t escape)

MissTrip82 · 17/07/2021 02:33

I wouldn’t feel comfortable but I can’t articulate way. So it’s probably irrational.

Irrational feelings would still be enough for me because I wouldn’t relax. If you can relax then it’s fine.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 17/07/2021 02:37

@Blippibloppi

The guesthouse has a fire alarm by the way.

Great, hopefully your 6mo knows how to safely evacuate a burning locked building.

😂😂😂 this cracked me up.
exhaustedallthetime · 17/07/2021 02:52

Seriously why are parents now so anxious? Genuine question!

Anxiety has a number of causes - why don't you learn and read up on some of them? Postnatal anxiety in particular can be crippling and frightening and lead to decision making that others might say is extreme or unwarranted. But it's real fo the person experiencing it.

Original poster
Zipfer · 17/07/2021 06:50

From your answers it looks like you’re ok with it and aren’t really looking for opinions.

That’s not quite true. I’m genuinely interested in the range of views. I think it’s fascinating how many (assuming they have a clear understanding of the situation) find this an absolute no no (eg “I can't even believe this is a question and that adults think it's okay for a young baby. I honestly am stumped by this and that's rare”) and there are others who can at least see this as a balance of risks. I can accept there is a chance of abduction, fire, or sids, but they seem very low given what we know

OP posts:
FTEngineerM · 17/07/2021 07:28

Have you seen anyone about your anxiety?

Great psychoanalysis from one sentence online, you must be minted with those skillzzz.

It isn’t ‘anxious’ for parents, especially mothers to be near their babies when they’re incapable of most things. I don’t think anyone on the thread is going to be holding their DCs hand whilst they consummate their marriage, we’re talking about babies. Incompetent babies.

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