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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let our baby sleep in a guesthouse in the garden

644 replies

Zipfer · 12/07/2021 21:52

We are in between moves and staying with family. Our family has a guesthouse (a kind of extended shed with a bedroom kitchenette and bathroom) in the garden about twenty metres at the end of the garden. The guesthouse is visible from the house.

In the evenings we have taken to putting our baby (6 months) to sleep in the guesthouse while we stay in the mainhouse. We have a baby monitor and the house is door is locked. We know the area. We are also sleeping on the guesthouse.

DW and I both agree that this is safe as the risk is low. However, thinking about other famous cases (not drawing a parallel), we think it might be odd to let our baby sleep in a different building for part of the evening. Would you consider this sufficiently safe to allow your baby sleep in this situation?

OP posts:

NakedAttraction · 17/07/2021 07:39

It isn’t ‘anxious’ for parents, especially mothers to be near their babies when they’re incapable of most things

That particular poster won’t go in the garden when her 1 year old child is sleeping in the house. Not a one week old, or a one month old. A one year old child. Unless the garden is some multi acre estate and the monitor won’t stretch, that’s anxious.

LublinToDublin · 17/07/2021 07:44

For me it's about balancing the risk with the benefit (or deficit).

Risk of sids is low but I still followed the guidance because there was no reason not to. I didn't take that risk.

The risk of a car accident is low but the benefits are huge. I take that risk.

I said I wouldn't leave the baby in the guest house because whilst I accept the risk of danger is low, I don't feel the advantage outweighs that risk.

FTEngineerM · 17/07/2021 07:46

The poster was me @NakedAttraction

It’s not a multi acre estate.

The monitor doesn’t stretch.

It’s not anxious.

It would probably take me longer than the OP to reach where DC sleeps if I was in the garden.

Whyo · 17/07/2021 07:56

Casting no judgment but no, I physically would be unable to do this. I don’t approach child safety with solely a clinical risk assessment - there’s a lot of instinct there.

Anyusernameleft · 17/07/2021 08:57

'I can accept there is a chance of abduction, fire, or sids, but they seem very low given what we know'

Op, Lower than if you just kept baby with you in the main house? Is it a risk you need to take? And I am sorry but I just don't buy the best for baby's sleep & needing a dark room etc reason as to why not. I understand that not having baby present every second of every day is liberating & often needed...but you get sitters or take turns to stay in or whatever. To have an opportunity to socialise without baby would not be so high up on my priority list than I'd gauge a low risk of abduction, fire, sids as a reasonable trade off.

If you feel safe & comfortable with it, you have your answer for your family. We all made decisions knowing we will take whatever the consequences are, good or bad. But for lots, even contemplatng one of those events occurring is petrifying.... & not worth even the low risk

sycamore54321 · 17/07/2021 09:03

Why do you lock the shed/guesthouse door? For me, that’s telling. Presumably it’s because you think somebody could enter the shed without you knowing. And that makes it quite different to sitting in your garden with a sleeping child inside where you don’t Iock the back door.

Marmitemarinaded · 17/07/2021 09:18

@sycamore54321

That’s an interesting thought

Op what’s your response?

ancientgran · 17/07/2021 12:55

[quote FreekStar2]@ancientgran so the parent was in the kitchen unloading shopping long enough for someone to call the police and wait for them to arrive ? Not the same really... On the plus side, the toddler stopped the car being stolen [/quote]
No the mother called the police as she saw the teenagers reversing off her drive. I think most police forces are capable of taking more than one call a day. The man who found the abandoned car with doors open in the middle of a busy road also called the police.

The car was stolen and then abandoned. I'm not sure why you find it amusing that a child was put in such a dangerous position. If she'd managed to undo her car seat she could have been standing in the middle of a busy road.

I'm not quite sure how anyone can find that situation amusing.

Original poster

Zipfer · 17/07/2021 13:42

Why do you lock the shed/guesthouse door? For me, that’s telling. Presumably it’s because you think somebody could enter the shed without you knowing.

Yes, absolutely. While the door is in view, we recognise there is a possibility (tiny, but non-zero) that someone could enter while we were distracted. And locking the door is a mitigation measure.

The point is that we know there are risks, but with the lock, the monitor and the smoke alarm, we feel comfortable that we can mitigate them.

OP posts:

Bridezillamaybe · 17/07/2021 13:48

[quote FreekStar2]@ancientgran so the parent was in the kitchen unloading shopping long enough for someone to call the police and wait for them to arrive ? Not the same really... On the plus side, the toddler stopped the car being stolen [/quote]
Yes this story makes no sense to me. Surely the mother had run back to the car when she saw it pulling out. Why did the man wait outside the car? Did the mother say "oh no my car and baby are being taken, I'll just unpack this shopping first then go outside and investigate."

HarrisMcCoo · 17/07/2021 13:51

If there's an element of doubt - don't do it. That is my tuppence worth. I personally wouldn't do it. I prefer to always be in the same building as my DC.

Bridezillamaybe · 17/07/2021 13:54

@ancientgran ah ok I saw the update and understand now. I thought they stopped as they were pulling off the driveway.

nhy21 · 17/07/2021 14:12

I wouldn't have an issue. We used to stay at Bedruthan Steps Hotel in Cornwall when our kids were little. You left the kids in your bedroom, switched on the baby monitor and it was monitored by Reception while you ate dinner in the restaurant. If your child cried, a waiter came to tell you.

Children under a certain age were banned from the restaurant for dinner. The hotel was always very busy and popular with parents with young children, who chose the evening baby listening option. Our room wasn't in the main building and was at least a 90 second walk from the restaurant. So, no I don't think you're being unreasonable with your set up, possibly we were too laissez fairer but all parents have their own perception of risk

nhy21 · 17/07/2021 14:13

Laissez faire even

ancientgran · 17/07/2021 14:21

[quote Bridezillamaybe]@ancientgran ah ok I saw the update and understand now. I thought they stopped as they were pulling off the driveway.[/quote]
They only drove about a mile or mile and a half away, it appears they only realised toddler was in the car when she woke up and started crying. The old guy stood by the car as he was worried about her, she might climb out into busy road or something but he was too worried to take her out as he thought he might get accused of abducting her. He actually wouldn't as the mother saw the teenagers but of course he didn't know that.

I think everyone locally got a big shock as it was a quiet side road in a nice low crime area so it wasn't something anyone would have expected. I think the two lads got one hell of a shock when they realised a joy ride had suddenly turned into an abduction. I can't remember what happened to them when they were caught. They were young so it was dealt with in juvenile court. If I remember rightly they got off quite lightly.

ClareBlue · 17/07/2021 14:32

I think the thread shows we all have different perceptions of risk and what we instinctively feel is right. It's not a science, it's just parenting. Those that wouldn't do it are not going to be convinced otherwise by any argument and there is no real logical argument based on risk to argue against those that would.do it. If it feels wrong you are not going to do it whatever anyone says to you. If it feels right, then no problem.
So it comes down to what you as a parent feel comfortable with. Parents generally get it right whatever they decide.
Not doing it doesn't seem over protective to me and doing it doesn't seem reckless either.

LublinToDublin · 17/07/2021 14:55

The point is that we know there are risks, but with the lock, the monitor and the smoke alarm, we feel comfortable that we can mitigate them

That's fascinating OP and illustrates the individual perception involved. Locking the door feels more risky to me.

RoseGoldEagle · 17/07/2021 15:01

Everything you do with kids is risk/benefit. I can’t see any benefit to having my young baby sleeping in a different, locked, building alone. The risk is tiny I agree, but if something DID happen, it would be unimaginably awful. So no, I wouldn’t do this.

Original poster

Zipfer · 17/07/2021 16:14

I think the thread shows we all have different perceptions of risk and what we instinctively feel is right. It's not a science, it's just parenting. Those that wouldn't do it are not going to be convinced otherwise by any argument and there is no real logical argument based on risk to argue against those that would.do it. If it feels wrong you are not going to do it whatever anyone says to you. If it feels right, then no problem.
So it comes down to what you as a parent feel comfortable with. Parents generally get it right whatever they decide.
Not doing it doesn't seem over protective to me and doing it doesn't seem reckless either.

I wholeheartedly agree with this. I think I’ll drop out now but that’s a pretty good conclusion.

OP posts:

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