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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let our baby sleep in a guesthouse in the garden

644 replies

Zipfer · 12/07/2021 21:52

We are in between moves and staying with family. Our family has a guesthouse (a kind of extended shed with a bedroom kitchenette and bathroom) in the garden about twenty metres at the end of the garden. The guesthouse is visible from the house.

In the evenings we have taken to putting our baby (6 months) to sleep in the guesthouse while we stay in the mainhouse. We have a baby monitor and the house is door is locked. We know the area. We are also sleeping on the guesthouse.

DW and I both agree that this is safe as the risk is low. However, thinking about other famous cases (not drawing a parallel), we think it might be odd to let our baby sleep in a different building for part of the evening. Would you consider this sufficiently safe to allow your baby sleep in this situation?

OP posts:
Ruddyknackered · 15/07/2021 20:57

I wouldn't leave them there.

claralara42 · 15/07/2021 20:59

I just couldn't. The risk wouldn't be worth it

What risk though? There really isn't any.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 15/07/2021 21:06

I've had 2 dc in Denmark where you leave your baby to sleep in the garden in the pram with a baby monitor. So I think its fine. Its for part of the evening not the whole night.

CassandrasCastle · 15/07/2021 22:24

@newmummy21 I suppose I should! I'm sorry if I upset you.
I suppose part of me feels upset at the thought that others are 'doing better' with their children than I am - like, why didn't I always have tiny sleeping DD next to me? Why would I feel perfectly OK with the OPs scenario? Is there some caring gene missing inside me?? My head really does a number on me sometimes 🙈

Whysolong7 · 15/07/2021 22:27

No chance. What are you thinking??

Chwaraeteg · 15/07/2021 22:38

No. But not for any logical reason. It would just feel uncomfortable.

Whysolong7 · 15/07/2021 22:48

It’s also amusing you keep saying “we know the area very well” “it’s where DP grew up so we know it’s safe” like that prevents risk.

Everywhere is really safe before something bad happens.

…. I know my paddling pool so well, it was my childhood paddling pool so I know it’s safe, nothing bad has ever happen in it…. So I leave my kid in it unsupervised because history says that paddling pool is exempt from something going wrong. If it was a paddling pool I didn’t know I wouldn’t let my kid play in it unsupervised. But this paddling pool is safe for a baby on its own because it’s in an area I know really well. Such a nuts rationale.

You’re still leaving your baby in a different building to you. If you’re comfortable with that it’s your choice but don’t pretend the rationale you’ve offered is meaningful.

Original poster
Zipfer · 15/07/2021 22:51

I've had 2 dc in Denmark where you leave your baby to sleep in the garden in the pram with a baby monitor

Hands up, I’ll confess we’re in the Netherlands. I’m not going to criticise the parenting styles of others, but it does seem that the Dutch are more willing to accept risks. My in-laws and my wife (who are perfectly normal - ok, maybe not my FIL Wink - and respectable people) are not worried by this at all

OP posts:
Conchitastrawberry · 15/07/2021 22:53

Jesus! Absolutely not 😱

SoftSheen · 15/07/2021 22:55

No chance.

BringMeTea · 15/07/2021 22:56

Really can't understand all the hand wringing. Perfectly ok.

Original poster
Zipfer · 15/07/2021 22:58

It’s also amusing you keep saying “we know the area very well” “it’s where DP grew up so we know it’s safe” like that prevents risk…Everywhere is really safe before something bad happens.

It is a common and not completely unreliable risk heuristic

OP posts:
WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly · 15/07/2021 23:10

*Ask Children’s Services what they think if you’re not sure, OP? No? Whyever not?!

Is it standard practice to ring them up to ask general parenting questions?*

Of course not. My point is that if someone reported this, it would be likely to lead to a child protection investigation in the U.K. I have no idea about procedures in the Netherlands.

WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly · 15/07/2021 23:11

I’m by no means an anxious parent. My children play out and get left at home far earlier than mumsnet would find acceptable! But this is absolutely beyond anything acceptable.

georgarina · 16/07/2021 04:33

Don't see the difference between this and putting baby to sleep upstairs with the monitor on.

The people getting hysterical about serious neglect and 'what if there's a fire' are being ridiculous. There could be a fire anywhere, why specifically in the guest house while baby is having a nap?

We wonder why mothers have issues being depressed and burned out but shame them for doing any small thing to make their lives easier...

Original poster
Zipfer · 16/07/2021 07:05

My point is that if someone reported this, it would be likely to lead to a child protection investigation in the U.K

This would not lead to an investigation in the UK.

OP posts:
WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly · 16/07/2021 07:46

You are wrong there zipfer

Whatafustercluck · 16/07/2021 07:52

No. Does the baby monitor also act as a fire alarm? Small risk perhaps, but if you're awake and in one house you notice a fire and deal with it or get everyone out quickly.

Original poster
Zipfer · 16/07/2021 08:21

You are wrong there zipfer

Ok, I assumed a correct report was made. Still, social services must be better resourced than I imagined if they would investigate every report of a baby being left 30 seconds from its parents with a monitor.

OP posts:
HulaHulaCheese · 16/07/2021 08:22

I wouldn't no. My DC still slept on me until we were ready to go to bed at that age but I know not everyone likes that.

GiantHaystacks2021 · 16/07/2021 08:25

No chance.

ClareBlue · 16/07/2021 08:26

There is a difference between being in a building if a fire starts and having to get into a building where a fire has started. So it is different to having the baby asleep upstairs. Even opening the outside door to get in could cause a dramatic increase in the fire through the rush of oxygen. This doesn't happen if you are in a building until you get out. At that stage the rush of oxygen doesn't matter because you are on the way out, not in.
So it really isn't the same at all.
Obviously we are talking about very small risks, but even the very relaxed parents are saying they wouldn't do this.
We were very relaxed with all ours but we wouldn't ever have done this. Just wouldn't feel right to us.

MurielSpriggs · 16/07/2021 09:23

Anything could happen

claralara42 · 16/07/2021 09:49

@Whysolong7

No chance. What are you thinking??
She's thinking that it's perfectly fine...which it is.
Somethingsnappy · 16/07/2021 11:30

OP, you mentioned you are in The Netherlands. What are the guidelines there about putting babies to sleep alone? It's been mentioned a few times on the thread about your baby being 6 weeks premature, but you haven't responded to those posts. While nobody is obliged to follow guidelines to the letter, they are there for a reason and with your baby being closer really to 4 months than to 6, a different building at the bottom of the garden does seem quite far removed from the guidelines (UK ones anyway) , especially with the added risk of a premature baby.

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