Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let our baby sleep in a guesthouse in the garden

644 replies

Zipfer · 12/07/2021 21:52

We are in between moves and staying with family. Our family has a guesthouse (a kind of extended shed with a bedroom kitchenette and bathroom) in the garden about twenty metres at the end of the garden. The guesthouse is visible from the house.

In the evenings we have taken to putting our baby (6 months) to sleep in the guesthouse while we stay in the mainhouse. We have a baby monitor and the house is door is locked. We know the area. We are also sleeping on the guesthouse.

DW and I both agree that this is safe as the risk is low. However, thinking about other famous cases (not drawing a parallel), we think it might be odd to let our baby sleep in a different building for part of the evening. Would you consider this sufficiently safe to allow your baby sleep in this situation?

OP posts:
MrsKoala · 14/07/2021 16:27

One of the strangest things about mumsnet is that people are very keen on co-sleeping. It is always recommended when anyone has any trouble with their baby sleeping. Yet, co-sleeping significantly increases the risk of SIDS. On the other hand, letting your baby sleep in a different room (less risky for SIDS than co-sleeping!) is considered a huge no-no here.

I see your point but I think the difference is that sleep is essential and not getting any/much is torturous. Therefore co sleeping is advised to be done as safely as possible rather than risk falling asleep together dangerously - which is a risk if the parents are exhausted.

Pigeonpocket · 14/07/2021 16:27

Yet, co-sleeping significantly increases the risk of SIDS.

No, it doesn't. Co-sleeping without taking into account the safe bed sharing rules increases the risk. But that's the same with anything if you ignore the safety advice. Co-sleeping while following safe sleep advice does not increase the SIDS risk.

AnUnoriginalUsername · 14/07/2021 16:34

As much as, logically, I think there's little risk if you'd know if they cried, if there was a fire, if someone was sneaking around. My emotional response is that it's absolutely ridiculous and you can't put a baby to sleep in a totally different building.

Like I'd never leave my baby sleeping in my house and go round to my neighbours with a baby monitor. I feel uncomfortable leaving him downstairs sleeping while I nip for a wee.

cravingmilkshake · 14/07/2021 16:47

Which monitor do you that you can get signal to a separate house? I struggle in my house sometimes with rooms!

PollyPepper · 14/07/2021 16:49

@Pigeonpocket

Yet, co-sleeping significantly increases the risk of SIDS.

No, it doesn't. Co-sleeping without taking into account the safe bed sharing rules increases the risk. But that's the same with anything if you ignore the safety advice. Co-sleeping while following safe sleep advice does not increase the SIDS risk.

This.

I always notice a disparity when a baby has died while co sleeping vs 'cot death'. The co sleeping parents are often blamed hugely, whereas babies who sleep in cots also carry risks, yet no one says 'ah I bet it was cos it was in a cot, it's so dangerous'

Noodella18 · 14/07/2021 16:50
  • @Jobsharenightmare I have followed the guidance to the letter and don't understand people who make different choices for their own convenience. *

Co-sleeping isn't about convenience for me. I personally think it is deeply unnatural for a young baby to sleep alone and I think my daughter will grow up to be more secure as a result of sleeping with me and feeling safe and reassured by my presence at night. Accidental co-sleeping is risky, planned safe co-sleeping carries the same risk of SIDS as a baby sleeping alone in their cot (some studies have actually suggested it carries a lower risk due to the mother being able to monitor the baby and respond in the case of seizures, breathing difficulties etc.)

Bibidy · 14/07/2021 16:54

Some of these responses are so extreme!! Serious, wilful neglect?!?!?

OP is not leaving her baby sleeping in a separate building all night, just a couple of hours before she and her DH go to bed themselves. She is always watching the baby on a monitor.

I don't get the comparisons to going round a neighbour's house either tbh. She is not going out and being distracted by chatting to neighbours, she staying in the place where she is currently living with the people she is currently living with, and keeping her eye on the monitor the whole time. She is essentially just putting the baby down in her bedroom and then returning to their living room...it's just the bedroom is in the garden instead of upstairs? She can get to the baby to check on it (sorry, don't know if boy or girl!) at any point, if it cries she will be there in seconds.

I don't see the issue with the locked door either tbh? Seems sensible to me since the building OP & family are staying in is outside of the main house. Why would you leave it unlocked?

I can see why people would feel anxious because of the whole 'separate building' element, but it sounds like OP is only as far away as some might be in a large house and logically I can't really see the concern?

Carrotinsaladiswrong · 14/07/2021 17:44

Hypothetically, if someone DID try and get in the guesthouse to the baby… how fast can you get from your bedroom to the guesthouse?

Nope. I wouldn’t.

Halfwaytoholiday · 14/07/2021 17:54

Why are some posters calling the OP she and talking about her dh?
OP could be female but more likely to be male with a DW mentioned in the Op.

Original poster
Zipfer · 14/07/2021 17:58

how fast can you get from your bedroom to the guesthouse?

Our bedroom is in the guesthouse. I just timed it from how long to get to the kitchen in the main house to the crib and I didn’t even walk briskly. It took 30 seconds from standing up, leaving the kitchen, walking across the garden, opening the door, and standing at the crib

OP posts:
FriedasCarLoad · 14/07/2021 18:01

I'd be fine with this.

chickenbasket · 14/07/2021 18:03

Well it takes me more than 30 seconds to get up and get up to the part of the house my DC sleep in, so YANBU from that point of view.
I think I'd personally not want to be that far from my children at that age (they weren't in their own rooms that far from me at 6m). I'm a worrier though.

DrCAMHS · 14/07/2021 19:25

No way, in a gazillion years!! Not ok.

Artesia · 14/07/2021 21:53

@Sirzy

My biggest worry would be if the baby took ill. By the time you have got across, unlocked the house and got up to the baby a lot could happen.
Really? I'm no Linford Christie, but reckon I could cover 20 metres pretty quickly.....
Artesia · 14/07/2021 22:05

@StrongLegs

I wouldn't even do this with my 11 year old son, tbh.
Are you kidding???
HeronLanyon · 14/07/2021 22:18

No. Especially No
As the hours of 8-10pm ish (when you are in the house) started to become dark.

My reasons would be a mix of possible -
Burglary/tree fall/fire/broken key/co2 problem/monitor fail etc etc. Plus extra seconds taken to get to the baby through the garden.
Absolutely no way at all.

BigPyjamas · 14/07/2021 22:26

I'd do this, no concerns. It's close, you can see it and there is a monitor. I can't see any risk with this. You could run over in seconds for a fire or baby crying out.

Due to layout in our house we're often fairly far from sleeping children. I don't need to be in the same room or very close when they're napping / asleep in the evening.

DancyNancy · 14/07/2021 23:02

Jesus the amount of people who didn't read this properly and thought OP was putting baby to bed in a shed for the whole night alone.....come on! Read it properly it's all there in the OP.

For the record I would feel uncomfortable with it. Not sure exactly why but just know I would feel unsettled

Paddling654 · 14/07/2021 23:54

Tree falling?!

That's next level.

quizqueen · 15/07/2021 00:44

I would be fine with this if you were sitting outside on the patio by the house as you could see the door to the guesthouse from there but not if you had gone inside and shut the doors and it was dark outside. Could the baby be put in a dining room or similar until you went to bed yourself?

Falleybollolo · 15/07/2021 00:46

Somthing just doesn't feel right about this, so no

WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly · 15/07/2021 01:04

However low the risk, it’s not going to be viewed well if anyone reports it. Ask Children’s Services what they think if you’re not sure, OP? No? Whyever not?!

newmummy21 · 15/07/2021 01:47

Oh my god I have a 3 month old and this is giving me horrible anxiety. No way on earth I could do this Sad

newmummy21 · 15/07/2021 01:47

@DancyNancy

Jesus the amount of people who didn't read this properly and thought OP was putting baby to bed in a shed for the whole night alone.....come on! Read it properly it's all there in the OP.

For the record I would feel uncomfortable with it. Not sure exactly why but just know I would feel unsettled

I didn't, I read it properly and still felt horribly anxious about it

newmummy21 · 15/07/2021 02:07

@Gringlewald

Don’t you feel a pull? Logically yes there is unlikely to be a fire and you have a monitor etc but isn’t your gut just screaming no?

This for me. It's my gut instinct. I couldn't leave her there. But I'm a highly anxious mum - I don't even leave my 3 month old upstairs in our room when she goes asleep at 9pm - I'm up there lying in bed sometimes awake but just so can I be near her. That pull for me is very strong at the moment. Maybe I'll feel less anxious the older she gets.

Swipe left for the next trending thread