To let our baby sleep in a guesthouse in the garden

[Zipfer]

We are in between moves and staying with family. Our family has a guesthouse (a kind of extended shed with a bedroom kitchenette and bathroom) in the garden about twenty metres at the end of the garden. The guesthouse is visible from the house.

In the evenings we have taken to putting our baby (6 months) to sleep in the guesthouse while we stay in the mainhouse. We have a baby monitor and the house is door is locked. We know the area. We are also sleeping on the guesthouse.

DW and I both agree that this is safe as the risk is low. However, thinking about other famous cases (not drawing a parallel), we think it might be odd to let our baby sleep in a different building for part of the evening. Would you consider this sufficiently safe to allow your baby sleep in this situation?

Ok elephant in the room - is nobody else thinking of the tragedy of The McCanns?

No

@Snog

Ok elephant in the room - is nobody else thinking of the tragedy of The McCanns?

Well it’s been referenced on this thread several times, so yes.

No.this is just wrong and a very weird thing to do.yabvu

@Zipfer

Genuinely interested to hear this is so unanimous. We both (and our family) feel very comfortable with this. The guesthouse has a fire alarm by the way.

so why ask if you know you are in the right?

so why ask if you know you are in the right?

I have answered this several times, to gauge our perception of risk.

I also haven't said that we're "right", just that we are personally comfortable with what we are doing.

@Zipfer

Yes they did but when people are criticised and the story changes

Apologies if it wasn’t clear. There’s only so much one can put in an op. The point is that it was originally on the site of a large shed that was knocked down and rebuilt around 20 years ago as a brick structure. My in laws have even rented the house as an Airbnb before

you're not exactly limited on the posts here? Its not twitter

I wouldn't.

@2D1S3

This thread is bonkers. A rickety tree might fall on the shed? A mouse might get in? The temperature might change?

I think it’s fine to say you wouldn’t do it, but the idea that you should never expose your child to any risk is absurd. Driving, crossing the road, walking down the stairs, going down a slide… most things in life carry a level of risk. We assess, mitigate (use a baby monitor, fire alarms, use a car seat) and crack on with our day.

I honestly find the idea that a mother (realistically) should spend every evening sitting in the dark staring at her baby until - what? they’re one? - far more worrying than the OP’s suggestion. I find the idea that a child will grow up not being allowed to do anything at all fun because “you never know what my happen” more worrying. I find the shaming of parents for making decisions which might be different from your own more worrying. I find the idea that if the OP isn’t feeling a frankly extreme level of anxiety as a new(ish) parent it’s because they somehow don’t take their child’s safety seriously more worrying.

This

you're not exactly limited on the posts here? Its not twitter

No, it's a thread on a discussion board that typically starts with an opening post, and then the poster is often asked to clarify things. Apologies for not writing a comprehensive OP which needed no further clarification.

So, how do you feel about your risk perception now, OP, after reading the responses here?

It wasn't just that it wasn't comprehensive OP. A kind of extended shed is a completely different thing to a purpose built brick building, well I think it is to most people. Would you describe your own house as a kind of extended shed? Presumably it is a purpose built building?

Would you describe your own house as a kind of extended shed? Presumably it is a purpose built building?

Sorry if it wasn't clear - I did describe it as a guesthouse, which for most people would probably give the idea of a permanent purpose built structure. The title refers to an OP. If the "kind of extended shed" misled you, apologies.

I guess a title of "Would I be unreasonable to let our baby sleep in a shed in the garden" wouldn't sound great would it?

So, how do you feel about your risk perception now, OP, after reading the responses here?

I think I still feel comfortable. On one hand, I think many people did misunderstand both the quality of building, and how long we were leaving our baby.

For those who didn't misunderstand, many have put forward a kind of zero-risk approach to childcare, which simply is not feasible as people have pointed out - we all take risks with our children to some extent.

Knowing the layout of the house and garden, we feel comfortable that the risk of fire is extremely low, the risk of child abduction is very low. Yes, something could happen, but the door to the guesthouse is in sight, a monitor is on, etc.

For at least 22 hours a day (this week, on average, I'd actually put it at 23 hours), the baby is in the same room as its parents or grandparents. The baby is only on his own when sleeping, not when he is awake.

The risk of SIDS, I appreciate, but that seems more like an argument for not sleeping. Any baby could encounter problems either when we sleep next its parent, or if it were upstairs, and it would be easy to miss.

I guess a title of "Would I be unreasonable to let our baby sleep in a shed in the garden" wouldn't sound great would it?

It would also be inaccurate, which is why I wrote guesthouse.

For those who didn't misunderstand, many have put forward a kind of zero-risk approach to childcare, which simply is not feasible

It is feasible, you just don’t want to do it.

The risk of SIDS, I appreciate, but that seems more like an argument for not sleeping. Any baby could encounter problems either when we sleep next its parent, or if it were upstairs, and it would be easy to miss.
I don't think you do appreciate the risk of SIDS if you think it's just about being on hand to save your baby. Being with your baby - even if you are all asleep - is found to reduce the likelihood of SIDS occurring. As your baby is 6 months you are past the peak stage for this fortunately, though not out of risk entirely.

It is feasible, you just don’t want to do it.

I think you misunderstand my point. As others have pointed out, all parents expose their children to risks (they go in a car, they take their children on holiday, they leave their children with childminders) and these all present a risk. Many of these risks are unnecessary. Therefore a zero-risk approach to childcare is impossible.

@Zipfer

I guess a title of "Would I be unreasonable to let our baby sleep in a shed in the garden" wouldn't sound great would it?

It would also be inaccurate, which is why I wrote guesthouse.

Shame you changed it then. How can people comment if you make such a huge switch and quite frankly we don't know which it is.

No way

Shame you changed it then. How can people comment if you make such a huge switch and quite frankly we don't know which it is.

I didn't change it!!!! The title has been the same since I originally posted it.

@Iggi999

Fair point, and you're right that we could be in a room 24 hours a day.

@Zipfer

Shame you changed it then. How can people comment if you make such a huge switch and quite frankly we don't know which it is.

I didn't change it!!!! The title has been the same since I originally posted it.

You changed the description of the guesthouse/shed/purpose built place where you were leaving the baby. Didn't you expect people to read the title and the OP?

You changed the description of the guesthouse/shed/purpose built place where you were leaving the baby. Didn't you expect people to read the title and the OP?

Give over. I described it in the title and OP as a guesthouse and I wrote in brackets "a kind of extended shed". I accept that may have been misleading. When asked for clarification as to whether the structure was permanent and what materials it was made from, I did so. This is a weird thing to be hung up on.