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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let our baby sleep in a guesthouse in the garden

644 replies

Zipfer · 12/07/2021 21:52

We are in between moves and staying with family. Our family has a guesthouse (a kind of extended shed with a bedroom kitchenette and bathroom) in the garden about twenty metres at the end of the garden. The guesthouse is visible from the house.

In the evenings we have taken to putting our baby (6 months) to sleep in the guesthouse while we stay in the mainhouse. We have a baby monitor and the house is door is locked. We know the area. We are also sleeping on the guesthouse.

DW and I both agree that this is safe as the risk is low. However, thinking about other famous cases (not drawing a parallel), we think it might be odd to let our baby sleep in a different building for part of the evening. Would you consider this sufficiently safe to allow your baby sleep in this situation?

OP posts:
Bloodypunkrockers · 14/07/2021 11:17

@Viviennemary

I think it is extremely unsafe. It's serious neglect.
No it's not
Viviennemary · 14/07/2021 11:22

OP said it was a type of shed structure. So no I woudd not put a child to sleep in a shed.

Bloodypunkrockers · 14/07/2021 11:23

@Disfordarkchocolate

I think you're mad. One of you should be with the baby.
Do you never leave your baby in his or her room alone? Confused
Original poster
Zipfer · 14/07/2021 11:25

OP said it was a type of shed structure. So no I woudd not put a child to sleep in a shed.

But what about a guesthouse made of bricks?

OP posts:
Dollpiglet · 14/07/2021 11:27

A brick one would be far better in case of a wolf scenario. Make sure you've blocked up the chimney though!

Bloodypunkrockers · 14/07/2021 11:33

@Snog

Ok elephant in the room - is nobody else thinking of the tragedy of The McCanns?
Hmm. No you'll be the first. Thanks for flagging it up though

OP. There are some absolutely lunatic responses here

If you feel comfortable then what's the issue

Absolutely NO different to having the baby upstairs in anything larger than a two up two down

All these posts talking about neglect and calling you out on your parenting are just mad

Bloodypunkrockers · 14/07/2021 11:39

@DrManhattan

Pretty much sure this is a troll.
If you think so, then report instead of posting rude replies
Somethingsnappy · 14/07/2021 11:46

@Zipfer

So, how do you feel about your risk perception now, OP, after reading the responses here?

I think I still feel comfortable. On one hand, I think many people did misunderstand both the quality of building, and how long we were leaving our baby.

For those who didn't misunderstand, many have put forward a kind of zero-risk approach to childcare, which simply is not feasible as people have pointed out - we all take risks with our children to some extent.

Knowing the layout of the house and garden, we feel comfortable that the risk of fire is extremely low, the risk of child abduction is very low. Yes, something could happen, but the door to the guesthouse is in sight, a monitor is on, etc.

For at least 22 hours a day (this week, on average, I'd actually put it at 23 hours), the baby is in the same room as its parents or grandparents. The baby is only on his own when sleeping, not when he is awake.

The risk of SIDS, I appreciate, but that seems more like an argument for not sleeping. Any baby could encounter problems either when we sleep next its parent, or if it were upstairs, and it would be easy to miss.

OP, i think that you have misunderstood the information around SIDS risk (no blame though; most people do, to be fair). You mentioned that something could just as easily happen while babies' parents were sleeping next to them, and they wouldn't realise etc. This is not the only factor to consider (parents being close enough to realise/having a monitor etc). SIDS risk is lower when babies are in the same room as their parents. This is thought to be because proximity to their parents helps to regulate babies' breathing. Sensing their parents breathing helps them not to 'forget' to breathe themselves. This is why it is recommended that babies sleep in the same room, even for naps, until at least six months, preferable 12 months. Premature babies do present a higher risk too. Baby monitors are no substitute for the presence of the parents.
MissChanandlerBong22 · 14/07/2021 11:47

I can see that I’m a seriously neglectful parent and my children should be in care and I should be in prison, but I don’t really see a problem with it if you’re comfortable with it. It’s a secure garden on private property and you have a baby monitor. Not really the same situation as ‘other high profile cases’. At the weekend my son napped in his bedroom upstairs in the house while I did some gardening and tidied the garden shed (and had the baby monitor) and I felt fine about that - not really sure this is different.

ancientgran · 14/07/2021 12:17

@Zipfer

You changed the description of the guesthouse/shed/purpose built place where you were leaving the baby. Didn't you expect people to read the title and the OP?

Give over. I described it in the title and OP as a guesthouse and I wrote in brackets "a kind of extended shed". I accept that may have been misleading. When asked for clarification as to whether the structure was permanent and what materials it was made from, I did so. This is a weird thing to be hung up on.

It really isn't. I don't think it is reasonable to leave a baby along in a locked building, if the building is an extended shed it's even worse. Lets face it you want your peaceful evening so I'm not sure why you bothered asking.
ancientgran · 14/07/2021 12:18

@MissChanandlerBong22

I can see that I’m a seriously neglectful parent and my children should be in care and I should be in prison, but I don’t really see a problem with it if you’re comfortable with it. It’s a secure garden on private property and you have a baby monitor. Not really the same situation as ‘other high profile cases’. At the weekend my son napped in his bedroom upstairs in the house while I did some gardening and tidied the garden shed (and had the baby monitor) and I felt fine about that - not really sure this is different.
Was the house locked?
MouldyPotato · 14/07/2021 12:20

You can't leave a baby in a locked building. If you need to get in you'll have to fiddle around with a key and those seconds could make all the difference if they are chocking.

TheGumption · 14/07/2021 12:31

Gasp, not the chocking.

MouldyPotato · 14/07/2021 12:31

@TheGumption

Gasp, not the chocking.
Hahaha
Viviennemary · 14/07/2021 12:34

Leaving a child in any kind of outbuilding shed, stable caravan is quite simply wilful neglect.

Birkie248 · 14/07/2021 12:40

Personally no way would I leave a baby in a separate building on their own to sleep.

Notdeadbiped · 14/07/2021 12:41

Really daft thing to do IMO, but you’re doing it anyway
Why not get another cot for the house, when you go down the Darden, pick up baby and take them with you.

Hardbackwriter · 14/07/2021 12:43

I haven’t done any of those things even though they would have been better for me and I don’t know anyone who has. Everyone I know takes jobs in school hours/to fit round kids - even those with PHDs.

You don't know anyone who worked with children under school age? Do you not live in the UK?

CharlieWorkCharlieSad · 14/07/2021 12:43

@pinkcircustop

For those who didn't misunderstand, many have put forward a kind of zero-risk approach to childcare, which simply is not feasible

It is feasible, you just don’t want to do it.

It's not feasible. You can not guarantee 100% safety 100% of the time.
Hardbackwriter · 14/07/2021 12:47

SIDS risk is lower when babies are in the same room as their parents. This is thought to be because proximity to their parents helps to regulate babies' breathing. Sensing their parents breathing helps them not to 'forget' to breathe themselves.

As you say, this is 'thought' by some - as in, it's a theory. The risk of SIDS is reduced if someone is in the room but no one knows why (it's also worth pointing out that those statistics are actually from before video monitors so whether having sight of the baby would help isn't known). The biggest suggestion that it might not be because the baby can hear you breathe is that if so that would make white noise increase the risk, whereas there's actually some evidence that having a fan in the room helps lower SIDS risk, even though a fan is normally loud enough that you can't hear breathing over it.

MrsKoala · 14/07/2021 12:54

As I said Everyone I know takes jobs in school hours/to fit round kids - even those with PHDs. so yes, I know people who have worked but not those chasing promotions and choosing longer hours when they don’t need to. Everyone I know works the minimum they need to fit around children and still pay the bills. Whether that’s one sahp or 2 part time/condensed hours jobs and share childcare. I know of 3 sahp in the year their youngest went to reception got school hour jobs at low pay rather than go back to more fulfilling longer hour jobs. I was answering a specific point about people choosing to work longer hours than they need to for personal fulfilment at the detriment of their dc, not people who work the hours they need to to pay the bills.

Appletreehat · 14/07/2021 12:55

No, I wouldn't do that with my DD. It makes me feel anxious just thinking about it.

ViceLikeBlip · 14/07/2021 13:31

This massively depends whereabouts you're staying. When I lived in a city I felt anxious leaving my baby asleep in the pram in the garden (like, I was OK if I was also in the garden! But I panicked if I had to nip in to the loo) Now we live rurally, it's completely commonplace to leave babies sleeping outside while you're inside. Or on the yard while you fix some fencing etc etc.

My house is really long and thin- l can't hear the baby in my bedroom if I'm in the living room without a monitor. And sometimes I'll watch TV for an hour WITHOUT EVEN LOCKING THE BACK DOOR 😱😱😱

Quaggars · 14/07/2021 13:41

Absolutely no chance would they be sleeping in another building to me.
Presumably by themselves?!
Biggest fattest no ever.
YABVU

frogswimming · 14/07/2021 14:01

It's not the same as leaving the baby upstairs or in the house while you're in the garden. The op has described two external walls, that of the house and the guest house, one of which is locked, between the baby and parents. So that's at least twice the obstacles to getting to the baby in the event of an emergency.

The guest house also presumably has windows on the opposite side to the house the parents are in. An intruder could get in and out before the parents made it into the guest house having heard a noise.