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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let our baby sleep in a guesthouse in the garden

644 replies

Zipfer · 12/07/2021 21:52

We are in between moves and staying with family. Our family has a guesthouse (a kind of extended shed with a bedroom kitchenette and bathroom) in the garden about twenty metres at the end of the garden. The guesthouse is visible from the house.

In the evenings we have taken to putting our baby (6 months) to sleep in the guesthouse while we stay in the mainhouse. We have a baby monitor and the house is door is locked. We know the area. We are also sleeping on the guesthouse.

DW and I both agree that this is safe as the risk is low. However, thinking about other famous cases (not drawing a parallel), we think it might be odd to let our baby sleep in a different building for part of the evening. Would you consider this sufficiently safe to allow your baby sleep in this situation?

OP posts:
CassandrasCastle · 13/07/2021 16:10

DD slept better when it was a bit quieter and dimmer in our room, so I also left her napping upstairs while I was downstairs with a monitor way before she was 6 months - this seems pretty standard amongst my friends who have kids. How do people get anything done?

CassandrasCastle · 13/07/2021 16:11

Also, a PP saying they wouldn't leave their 11 year old asleep in the circs this baby is in - that can't be real...

proopher · 13/07/2021 16:17

I personally think it's completely different being in a different (locked) building than being upstairs.

What if the key goes missing? There are a million different ways that could happen - a pet takes a liking to it, someone mistakenly takes it or moves it, it goes down the back of a sofa, through a loose floorboard, knocked off the table etc.

All well and good to just have the monitor on and run into the garden like you would upstairs if something is wrong, but if the keys are compromised...!

sunshinepunch · 13/07/2021 16:24

Nope.

All you have to ask yourself is what if something...anything happened?

Isn't there a bedroom you can put your child into I the main house until you're ready to go to bed?

Happyd · 13/07/2021 16:46

Crazy ... it's on the same though lines as Madeleine McCain parents thinking it was ok to live their 3 under 3yrs alone in their room so they could have a meal

Original poster
Zipfer · 13/07/2021 16:50

Crazy ... it's on the same though lines as Madeleine McCain parents thinking it was ok to live their 3 under 3yrs alone in their room so they could have a meal

I was wary to bring up the comparison, but they were talking about hotel rooms they couldn't see, without a monitor, in an unlocked (or poorly secured) room, in a place they didn't know.

OP posts:
Sinthie · 13/07/2021 16:53

No

Blinkingheckythump · 13/07/2021 16:55

Not at all safe. A baby should be fine sleeping in the house with you even if it's not perfectly quiet and dark. Surely it's just not worth the Risk

Somethingsnappy · 13/07/2021 17:29

So, it's been 18 pages, with the vast majority saying they wouldn't do it. What's the plan tonight OP? Smile

Vetyveriohohoh · 13/07/2021 17:32

Never in a million years.

Wallywobbles · 13/07/2021 18:25

I did something similar for a party in my barn wile baby slept in the house. It was fine but it felt uncomfortable. This was prior to all the big press stories. Baby is now driving.

And my baby stayed with granny at 8 weeks so I'm probably not your standard mn parent.

bellie710 · 13/07/2021 20:22

@Zipfer

I would not have a problem doing this where I live, it is literally the safest place on the planet, but I don't think I would be comfortable doing it anywhere else

To add a detail, this is my DW’s childhood home so we know the area very well

When I say safest place, we do not lock our doors, leave the keys in the car etc we have zero crime!
Royalbloo · 13/07/2021 20:25

Nopey nope nope!

itsgettingwierd · 13/07/2021 20:39

If the guesthouse was a summerhouse would you leave baby asleep in main house with monitor whilst you sat in summerhouse an evening?

Because I would and I suspect many would.

Cant see it's any different the other way round?

SleepingStandingUp · 13/07/2021 22:35

@CassandrasCastle

DD slept better when it was a bit quieter and dimmer in our room, so I also left her napping upstairs while I was downstairs with a monitor way before she was 6 months - this seems pretty standard amongst my friends who have kids. How do people get anything done?
Work around them, it's only 6 months.
Snog · 13/07/2021 22:41

I definitely wouldn't take this risk. Could you live with yourself if something bad happened?

LittleGwyneth · 13/07/2021 23:23

100% would. I understand why people wouldn't, but v much don't understand the vehemence.

Original poster
Zipfer · 13/07/2021 23:42

I understand why people wouldn't, but v much don't understand the vehemence

I also find it fascinating that this decision seems to elicit such extreme binary responses

OP posts:
Mrstamborineman · 13/07/2021 23:52

No don’t be ridiculous. It is a terrible idea.

Original poster
Zipfer · 13/07/2021 23:57

No don’t be ridiculous. It is a terrible idea

The binary revulsion is definitely interesting

OP posts:
Paddling654 · 14/07/2021 00:18

What I find odd is people will often leave their children for work related reasons (taking more fulfilling job that requires longer hours because they'll be happier) or social reasons regardless of the child's anxiety, will leave unpleasant partners knowing the child will now be alone with them on a regular basis, will allow their children to become addicted to screens etc. None of this seems to give many parents a moment's anxiety. I find that baffling. Yet this summer house thing is instant death. I don't understand how the Richter scale works.

olidora63 · 14/07/2021 00:41

@itsgettingwierd

If the guesthouse was a summerhouse would you leave baby asleep in main house with monitor whilst you sat in summerhouse an evening?

Because I would and I suspect many would.

Cant see it's any different the other way round?

This …I actually cannot understand all the stress about it ! Common sense is what it is all about!
BuffyFanForever · 14/07/2021 05:16

A way to gauge if something is ok for children, if you were paying someone to look after them eg childminder, nursery etc, would you be happy if they did this? So would you be happy if a nursery put your child in a different building, locked the door and walked away. But don’t worry they have a camera.....
Does that sounds safe and acceptable to you? I understand an asteroid is unlikely to fly down from the sky but babies and toddlers have accidents, being as close as possible is vital...

youngandbroken · 14/07/2021 06:16

What I find odd is people will often leave their children for work related reasons (taking more fulfilling job that requires longer hours because they'll be happier) or social reasons regardless of the child's anxiety, will leave unpleasant partners knowing the child will now be alone with them on a regular basis, will allow their children to become addicted to screens etc. None of this seems to give many parents a moment's anxiety. I find that baffling. Yet this summer house thing is instant death. I don't understand how the Richter scale works

Well all of those things are very different to leaving a 6 month oldwho was premature alone in a completley separate building Hmm. Work is essential for most parents and benefits the child and they will be with a responsible adult, the parent going out for social reasons will be leaving the child with a responsible adult and parents are still human beings who will quickly become depressed if they never socialise at all - that's not helping the child, leaving an abusive partner is 1000% better for the child than staying with them staying in an unhappy relationship does not benefit the child and that child is never left alone, and the risks of too much screen time are minimal compared to the risks of leaving a premature 6 month old baby alone inside a separate locked building.

MrsKoala · 14/07/2021 08:52

What I find odd is people will often leave their children for work related reasons (taking more fulfilling job that requires longer hours because they'll be happier) or social reasons regardless of the child's anxiety, will leave unpleasant partners knowing the child will now be alone with them on a regular basis, will allow their children to become addicted to screens etc. None of this seems to give many parents a moment's anxiety. I find that baffling. Yet this summer house thing is instant death. I don't understand how the Richter scale works

I haven’t done any of those things even though they would have been better for me and I don’t know anyone who has. Everyone I know takes jobs in school hours/to fit round kids - even those with PHDs. Many people stay in unhappy/unfulfilling (non abusive) relationships because it would be detrimental (or even dangerous) for the children. Everyone I know limits screen time.

I personally didn’t even think of the risks to leaving a child that age alone (I expect not many and very very unlikely), I just instinctively wouldn’t have done it, without analysing the reasons. It would have felt too uncomfortable for me to be that far away from a baby.