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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let our baby sleep in a guesthouse in the garden

644 replies

Zipfer · 12/07/2021 21:52

We are in between moves and staying with family. Our family has a guesthouse (a kind of extended shed with a bedroom kitchenette and bathroom) in the garden about twenty metres at the end of the garden. The guesthouse is visible from the house.

In the evenings we have taken to putting our baby (6 months) to sleep in the guesthouse while we stay in the mainhouse. We have a baby monitor and the house is door is locked. We know the area. We are also sleeping on the guesthouse.

DW and I both agree that this is safe as the risk is low. However, thinking about other famous cases (not drawing a parallel), we think it might be odd to let our baby sleep in a different building for part of the evening. Would you consider this sufficiently safe to allow your baby sleep in this situation?

OP posts:
pinkcircustop · 13/07/2021 11:14

@Bibidy

I'm confused re people mentioning the safe sleeping guidelines - I assumed the guidance about sleeping in the same room as parents was for overnight? Not any time the baby is asleep.

Surely babies are often asleep without parents present in the room during the day? That's why people have baby monitors?

You know SIDS can happen anytime right? It doesn’t know it’s daytime and disappear.

When baby is asleep they should be in the same room as their parents for at least the first six months. As evidenced by your friends, they often aren’t unfortunately.

MistyGreenAndBlue · 13/07/2021 11:15

Weeeell - 6 mo does seem a little young for the DC to move out into their own place, but I guess you have to cut those apron strings sometime eh? Grin

SleepingStandingUp · 13/07/2021 11:17

@Bibidy

Popping to the loo whilst they're napping in the living room is different to being put down to sleep in a seperate room. No one is saying you can't move from their side

I don't have a baby myself, I was just wondering as I have friends with babies who put them down for naps in their bedrooms while they are downstairs themselves watching on a baby monitor, and I would have thought that was fairly standard?

How old? The safer sleep guidelines were 6 months I think, they might have stretched it to 12 but followed it to 6 with all 3 babies. A d of course not everyone parents the same.
ancientgran · 13/07/2021 12:22

@TheHoundsofLove

I don't think it is similar to going round to a neighbours or to the pub as others have suggested. I think it's more akin to a baby being asleep in the house and you sitting having a coffee or doing jobs in the garden - most people would be at least 20 metres away then. Although, I do think it depends on the individual set-up of the house/garden/guesthouse/proximity of road etc.. I can imagine circumstances where I'd probably feel ok doing this and others where I wouldn't.
But they would be in the same building and not behind a locked door.
PrincessNutella · 13/07/2021 12:46

Your baby was a preemie? Then it is even more irresponsible. These babies can just stop breathing. There is absolutely no reason to have this child in a different building from you, alone, behind a locked door. This is madness.

Flittingaboutagain · 13/07/2021 13:15

What about SIDS?

Hardbackwriter · 13/07/2021 13:19

@Bibidy

Popping to the loo whilst they're napping in the living room is different to being put down to sleep in a seperate room. No one is saying you can't move from their side

I don't have a baby myself, I was just wondering as I have friends with babies who put them down for naps in their bedrooms while they are downstairs themselves watching on a baby monitor, and I would have thought that was fairly standard?

It's what everyone I know in real life (including me) does too, but it is against the guidelines. This infographic shows that it does double the risk; it also shows how this compares to some of the other risk factors.
To let our baby sleep in a guesthouse in the garden
wouldthatbeworse · 13/07/2021 13:22

I’d be fine with this. You’re awake, you have a monitor. It’s not going to spontaneously combust. I’m assuming you’re not getting hammered. The main risk is losing the key.

DocsOddSocks · 13/07/2021 13:28

@Flittingaboutagain

What about SIDS?
@Flittingaboutagain SIDS can and does happen which is heartbreaking. But at the same time, car crashes happen, would you stop driving?
Raindancer411 · 13/07/2021 13:31

No as of the risk of sids they are meant to be in the same with you even for naps. I personally wouldn't but what we say probably isn't going to change what you do.

warmfluffytowels · 13/07/2021 13:37

SIDS can and does happen which is heartbreaking. But at the same time, car crashes happen, would you stop driving?

What an odd comparison.

Many people have to drive in order to buy food, go to work, get their kids to school and pay their bills. It's a necessary risk - but that's why we have things like licenses, seatbelts, speed limits and laws surrounding how and when we can drive, to make the risk as low as possible.

But nobody has to put their child to sleep in another room - so why take the risk when you can avoid it completely?

DocsOddSocks · 13/07/2021 13:40

@warmfluffytowels Each to their own but my daughter goes to sleep upstairs whilst my husband and I tidy up and get things sorted downstairs. She's absolutely fine. We would never dream of sitting in the bedroom just because shes asleep.

Hardbackwriter · 13/07/2021 13:45

@warmfluffytowels

SIDS can and does happen which is heartbreaking. But at the same time, car crashes happen, would you stop driving?

What an odd comparison.

Many people have to drive in order to buy food, go to work, get their kids to school and pay their bills. It's a necessary risk - but that's why we have things like licenses, seatbelts, speed limits and laws surrounding how and when we can drive, to make the risk as low as possible.

But nobody has to put their child to sleep in another room - so why take the risk when you can avoid it completely?

In the last two days I've driven my baby in the car because:
  1. I wanted to have coffee with my mum (and his grandmother)
  2. I wanted to take his brother to a forest play session
  3. I needed to go to the bank and didn't want to wait until the weekend when DH is home to do it (but I could have done)

In each case, I exposed one or both of my children to the risk of a car crash unnecessarily. Was that wrong?

notsogreenthumb · 13/07/2021 13:55

Nope. Never ever ever. Ever. When we've been in these sort of situations we've put baby to sleep in a bed upstairs and then moved him when we were ready to go to the guesthouse.

Again rationally it sounds ok but my maternal instinct would say no, tied to the fact I've watched far too much forensic files in my lifetime Blush

DrManhattan · 13/07/2021 14:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Hankunamatata · 13/07/2021 14:26

Why are you asking on here if you are comfortable with it 🤦‍♀️

Original poster
Zipfer · 13/07/2021 14:34

Why are you asking on here if you are comfortable with it

Because I wanted to gauge our risk perception. I don’t think this is a question of right or wrong

OP posts:
JellyBelly79 · 13/07/2021 14:39

Hard no from me, and I don’t believe I’ve misread the post. Risk level isn’t just about the likelihood of something happening, it’s also about the severity of any consequences. Whilst the risk of something catastrophic happening to the baby would be extremely low, the degree of harm inflicted should they be one of the unlucky ones, would be just that-catastrophic. Not a risk worth taking in my opinion, especially when there are feasible alternatives such as swapping rooms with someone.

PrincessNutella · 13/07/2021 14:55

Okay, I'll be open here. I had a preemie. And he did stop breathing very suddenly when he was four months old. He started turning blue. Even his lips were blue. We called an ambulance and it took forever to arrive, and then they intubated him. He was in a PICU (postnatal intensive care unit) for ten days. When he came out of the hospital, he had to wear an oxygen saturation monitor for months. afterwards. I hardly got any sleep because it went off every time he moved. But anything was better than seeing my baby turn blue. People say that babies are sturdy, that babies will be just fine. But that is not always true, and it really isn't always true with preemies.

pinkcircustop · 13/07/2021 14:58

@PrincessNutella I hope he’s okay now Flowers That must have been terrifying. How many weeks premature was he?

notsogreenthumb · 13/07/2021 15:13

So sorry to hear @PrincessNutella Thanks. That sounds absolutely terrifying Sad

PrincessNutella · 13/07/2021 15:31

Thank you very much. He was 11 weeks premature, so definitely more premature--and that was actually the second time he stopped breathing and had to be rushed to the hospital. Happily, now he is a charming and healthy 27 year old man. There hasn't been a day of his life that I haven't been aware that he almost wasn't here. I used to look at the dirty sweatshirts he'd leave lying around when he was a teenager and practically cry with gratitude. Oh god does that sound ridiculous?

teezletangler · 13/07/2021 15:43

If you were at home you wouldn't go round to your neighbours house and have a cup of tea for 2 hours while you left the baby alone in their cot and you'd actually be closer in that scenario (in the majority of cases anyway). Social services would certainly have alot to say if you did and rightly so! So how is this any different.

Our NDN (semi-detached) and I used to do this. Once our (older) babies were asleep of us would bring our video monitor round to the other house for a cuppa or a glass of wine. We live on a boarding school campus in a very rural area. We were looking at the baby on the monitor the whole time! But we also don't ever lock our doors. We do feel that we live in a bit of a bubble, so it's a different approach to life I suppose. But no, I don't think SS would have had anything to say about it.

finallymightbehappening · 13/07/2021 15:46

I wouldn't leave my 6 year old in a shed in the bottom of the garden. I def wouldn't leave a baby. All those saying they would are a lot more relaxed than me.

FreeBritnee · 13/07/2021 16:01

It’s not a shed.

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