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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let our baby sleep in a guesthouse in the garden

644 replies

Zipfer · 12/07/2021 21:52

We are in between moves and staying with family. Our family has a guesthouse (a kind of extended shed with a bedroom kitchenette and bathroom) in the garden about twenty metres at the end of the garden. The guesthouse is visible from the house.

In the evenings we have taken to putting our baby (6 months) to sleep in the guesthouse while we stay in the mainhouse. We have a baby monitor and the house is door is locked. We know the area. We are also sleeping on the guesthouse.

DW and I both agree that this is safe as the risk is low. However, thinking about other famous cases (not drawing a parallel), we think it might be odd to let our baby sleep in a different building for part of the evening. Would you consider this sufficiently safe to allow your baby sleep in this situation?

OP posts:
Hallyup6 · 13/07/2021 09:31

@Zipfer

From a risk perspective we don’t see the difference with running upstairs rather than running out into the garden. I think what changes the risk perception for some is that it is a different building even if it’s close, safe, monitored, and known
Is the smoke alarm wired into the main house or are you reliant on hearing it over the baby monitor? With the latter, you won't necessarily hear it straight away if you're chatting/drinking/watching TV or whatever (and heaven forbid the monitor stops working prior to that). You've then got to get out to the garden and fumble about with a locked door (whilst panicking) to get to your baby, who is in a building that is less fireproof than the house.

The risk may be minimal but it's still there and not one I'd be willing to take.

Cooldryplace · 13/07/2021 09:35

My concern would be fire, not evil people lurking. I have left sleeping babies in the garden while I'm indoors.

Ourlady · 13/07/2021 09:38

Hell no. Just the fact that it's a totally different building would stop me from doing that. I wouldn't be able to relax at all.
Why cant you put baby down to sleep in their pram/carrycot in a different room then transfer them to their cot when you go back to the garden room?

youngandbroken · 13/07/2021 09:39

If you were at home you wouldn't go round to your neighbours house and have a cup of tea for 2 hours while you left the baby alone in their cot and you'd actually be closer in that scenario (in the majority of cases anyway). Social services would certainly have alot to say if you did and rightly so! So how is this any different.

Chikapu · 13/07/2021 09:47

@Zipfer

Genuinely interested to hear this is so unanimous. We both (and our family) feel very comfortable with this. The guesthouse has a fire alarm by the way.
If you're so comfortable about it why are you asking for others opinions?
TheHoundsofLove · 13/07/2021 09:56

I don't think it is similar to going round to a neighbours or to the pub as others have suggested. I think it's more akin to a baby being asleep in the house and you sitting having a coffee or doing jobs in the garden - most people would be at least 20 metres away then.
Although, I do think it depends on the individual set-up of the house/garden/guesthouse/proximity of road etc.. I can imagine circumstances where I'd probably feel ok doing this and others where I wouldn't.

worktrip · 13/07/2021 10:06

No.

thecognoscenti · 13/07/2021 10:07

@youngandbroken

If you were at home you wouldn't go round to your neighbours house and have a cup of tea for 2 hours while you left the baby alone in their cot and you'd actually be closer in that scenario (in the majority of cases anyway). Social services would certainly have alot to say if you did and rightly so! So how is this any different.
Social Services wouldn't bat an eyelid. They deal with actual neglect.
youngandbroken · 13/07/2021 10:11

@thecognoscenti well that's funny because they did have quite alot to say to the girl I know who did exactly that with her 6 month baby. She locked her baby alone in her house while she went next door and ended up in a hell of a lot of trouble and was lucky she didn't end up losing her baby.

Somethingsnappy · 13/07/2021 10:14

I haven't read all the pages of the thread, so apologies if I'm repeating anything, but my concern would also be focused on the lock. You say your baby is locked in. I would never be able to lock my baby into a room that I wasn't it, never mind a different building. What if the lock broke or you lost your keys? Both quite real scenarios. My baby is the same age as yours. He sleeps in a travel cot in the lounge or in my arms, until we go to bed. Then he comes up with us.

Whaleandsnail6 · 13/07/2021 10:15

I wouldn't do this but I can't explain why, it just makes me uncomfortable.

We have a converted internal garage, which has no internal access. So it is attached to the house but you have to go out of the back of front doors to get in. I wouldn't leave a sleeping baby in there either, even with monitors. For some reason, the having to go outside and then through more locked doors to access the room makes me uncomfortable.

Somethingsnappy · 13/07/2021 10:19

@Briarshollow

I’ve also never understood people who insist on sit in the dark next to a sleeping baby and refuse to leave them in a room on their own. Why?!
Because lots of parents choose to follow the guidelines on safe sleep for babies under 6 months.
Somethingsnappy · 13/07/2021 10:47

@Marmitemarinaded

I recall you from another thread

Given your baby was 6 weeks premature, no - I wouldn’t do this.

If this is the case OP, would that make your baby's 'corrected' age closer to 4.5 months? Is so, even more reason not to have your very young baby so far away from you and behind a locked door.
ThanksIGotItInMorrisons · 13/07/2021 10:50

Absolutely fucking not.

Bibidy · 13/07/2021 10:55

Reading this, my gut instinct is no, but I am not really sure why as I totally agree it's similar to the baby being asleep upstairs while parents are downstairs.

If you have a big house, the baby might even be further away in a bedroom than this guesthouse is.

YlangYlangYlangYlang · 13/07/2021 10:57

I would, with a monitor as you have (parallel case you refer to did not have a means of listening in), and would not go to bed let myself.

But I think this is a thread in need of a diagram... if it's 200m from the house then no, but 10m yes.

Bibidy · 13/07/2021 10:58

I'm confused re people mentioning the safe sleeping guidelines - I assumed the guidance about sleeping in the same room as parents was for overnight? Not any time the baby is asleep.

Surely babies are often asleep without parents present in the room during the day? That's why people have baby monitors?

silvergoldstars · 13/07/2021 11:02

It’s any time the baby is asleep. Hope that clears up confusion. Six months shouldn’t be a problem though.

Somethingsnappy · 13/07/2021 11:03

@Bibidy. The current guidelines are for any time your baby is asleep, including daytime naps. Obviously this is best practise though, like all guidelines are. Not always realistic for everyone.

SleepingStandingUp · 13/07/2021 11:03

@Bibidy

I'm confused re people mentioning the safe sleeping guidelines - I assumed the guidance about sleeping in the same room as parents was for overnight? Not any time the baby is asleep.

Surely babies are often asleep without parents present in the room during the day? That's why people have baby monitors?

Popping to the loo whilst they're napping in the living room is different to being put down to sleep in a seperate room. No one is saying you can't move from their side
mummog · 13/07/2021 11:05

@Zipfer

Genuinely interested to hear this is so unanimous. We both (and our family) feel very comfortable with this. The guesthouse has a fire alarm by the way.
I'd be fine with it i think. Im actually really baffled why people are so strongly against it. My son would not sleep if he had to move after being put to bed.

Tbf, i generally stay in a room very close to him. However, this is so i can nip any fussiness in the bud.

EmpressSuiko · 13/07/2021 11:06

I personally wouldn’t do it but my two would sleep anywhere so I would have kept them with me in the main house in a travel cot until I was ready to go through to the annex with them.

mummog · 13/07/2021 11:07

@Zipfer

The logic of not keeping the baby sleep in the living room is that the lights would be on, we would be talking, and the baby is able to sleep in the dark and peace and quiet in his cot
My son wakes easily sometimes. I wouldn't risk it either :0
Bibidy · 13/07/2021 11:08

Popping to the loo whilst they're napping in the living room is different to being put down to sleep in a seperate room. No one is saying you can't move from their side

I don't have a baby myself, I was just wondering as I have friends with babies who put them down for naps in their bedrooms while they are downstairs themselves watching on a baby monitor, and I would have thought that was fairly standard?

DGFB · 13/07/2021 11:11

No.

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