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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let our baby sleep in a guesthouse in the garden

644 replies

Zipfer · 12/07/2021 21:52

We are in between moves and staying with family. Our family has a guesthouse (a kind of extended shed with a bedroom kitchenette and bathroom) in the garden about twenty metres at the end of the garden. The guesthouse is visible from the house.

In the evenings we have taken to putting our baby (6 months) to sleep in the guesthouse while we stay in the mainhouse. We have a baby monitor and the house is door is locked. We know the area. We are also sleeping on the guesthouse.

DW and I both agree that this is safe as the risk is low. However, thinking about other famous cases (not drawing a parallel), we think it might be odd to let our baby sleep in a different building for part of the evening. Would you consider this sufficiently safe to allow your baby sleep in this situation?

OP posts:
mondaypillow · 13/07/2021 08:09

If I had a video monitor I’d be fine with this. It’s two hours. There’s no difference to the baby being on a different floor. If the smoke alarm went off they’d hear it on the monitor.

Inertia · 13/07/2021 08:10

The risk may be small, but it’s completely unnecessary. Personally I couldn’t do it- I’d have felt the need to check so frequently that it would have been pointless.

Surely the baby could sleep in a pram in an adjacent room/ hallway and then be put to bed when you go to bed?

MaMaD1990 · 13/07/2021 08:13

I thought they'd described it as a shed originally then clarified it was a professionally built building about 20 years ago?

MaMaD1990 · 13/07/2021 08:13

@MaMaD1990

I thought they'd described it as a shed originally then clarified it was a professionally built building about 20 years ago?
@ancientgran - tag fail!
ancientgran · 13/07/2021 08:19

@MaMaD1990

I thought they'd described it as a shed originally then clarified it was a professionally built building about 20 years ago?
Yes they did but when people are criticised and the story changes I'm never sure which is the right version. Personally I wouldn't describe a professionally built brick annex as an extended shed so it sounds odd to me.
Original poster
Zipfer · 13/07/2021 08:24

Your opening post said you both feel it's odd. Make your mind up.

That’s not quite what I said

OP posts:
ancientgran · 13/07/2021 08:26

we think it might be odd to let our baby sleep in a different building for part of the evening That is what you said.

Original poster
Zipfer · 13/07/2021 08:27

Yes they did but when people are criticised and the story changes

Apologies if it wasn’t clear. There’s only so much one can put in an op. The point is that it was originally on the site of a large shed that was knocked down and rebuilt around 20 years ago as a brick structure. My in laws have even rented the house as an Airbnb before

OP posts:
Original poster
Zipfer · 13/07/2021 08:29

That is what you said.

Exactly, the might changes the meaning. Something that might be odd is not the same as saying something is odd. If I were to clarify further, I could say it might be considered odd by some, which is what this thread has demonstrated

OP posts:
Saz432 · 13/07/2021 08:29

If there was a restaurant or pub opposite your house, would you go there at night and leave your baby at home? It’s not really any different - we have a video camera we can view on our phone but I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing it, seeing / hearing your baby choking, or a fire, or god forbid someone in the house isn’t much use. At least in the same building you’d have more awareness of what’s going on and more time.

notalwaysalondoner · 13/07/2021 08:31

I guess I’ve been sitting at the end of friends gardens for hours of an evening before while their children of similar ages are asleep upstairs in the house without a monitor and no one bats an eyelid. It would still probably make me nervous though.

Original poster
Zipfer · 13/07/2021 08:32

From a risk perspective we don’t see the difference with running upstairs rather than running out into the garden. I think what changes the risk perception for some is that it is a different building even if it’s close, safe, monitored, and known

OP posts:
MaMaD1990 · 13/07/2021 08:32

I see your point. I just tend to take things at face value and respond from there. People sometimes just word things in a confusing way that makes sense to them, doesn't always mean they're being untruthful.

Whyemseeaye · 13/07/2021 08:32

That’s a no from me…

Saz432 · 13/07/2021 08:34

@Zipfer

From a risk perspective we don’t see the difference with running upstairs rather than running out into the garden. I think what changes the risk perception for some is that it is a different building even if it’s close, safe, monitored, and known
So from a risk perspective what would be the difference with leaving the baby at home while you went to a neighbour’s house, or a pub / restaurant opposite your house? I don’t think anyone would do that (I hope).
ivfgottwins · 13/07/2021 08:36

Personally I don't see why if it's only for 3 weeks you can't just stay in the "shed" in the evenings - why do you need to go and spend your evenings in the main house at all??? - I wouldn't leave a 6 month old at the bottom of the garden no.

Or put the baby upstairs asleep whilst you socialise and then carry them asleep when you go back to the shed?

Ask yourself could you forgive yourself if something awful happened.....

ivfgottwins · 13/07/2021 08:38

There is a pub at the bottom of my garden - less than 20 metres away - there's even a gate in the fence - no different to me spending my evenings "socialising" in there whilst my baby slept in the house by itself 🤷‍♀️

Daisydoesnt · 13/07/2021 08:39

OP so this converted / extended shed that you’re leaving your baby in; it’s basically a wooden building, right? Have you thought how quickly that could go up in smoke?

A friend’s wooden garage/ home office burned down at the weekend; there is nothing left but a pile of ashes and the remains on their cars. They were all in the house next door. The fire alarm did not go off. It was caused by an electrical fault. Everyone was at home, this was early evening, but by the time they noticed smoke it was too late to do anything.

SkiingIsHeaven · 13/07/2021 08:41

Ask Madeleine McCann if this is a good idea.

LizJamIsFab · 13/07/2021 08:44

I understand the set up but I don’t think I’d do it. I’d prefer to be in the guesthouse from 8-10pm, in earshot.

WhyTheEffNot · 13/07/2021 08:44

No, hell no.

Why can’t one of you stay with the baby and the other go into the main house? you don’t both HAVE to socialise with the others every night, you can take it in turns or both stay in the ‘outhouse’ or sit just outside the door together and chat quietly.

Baby’s safety ALWAYS comes first. We have heard this before where parents thought their thought their child would be safe, but they weren’t (camping in the garden, the hotel one). Of course it’s rare, but you have a 6 month old baby sleeping alone for a certain amount of time where you can’t hear it except through a monitor, It just isn’t worth it.

minionsrule · 13/07/2021 08:45

@Daisydoesnt
OP has confirmed it is a brick building so nothing like your friend and the pile of ashes Hmm

CassandrasCastle · 13/07/2021 09:01

I'd be perfectly happy doing this for a couple of hours, and this thread seems a but mad to me

miltonj · 13/07/2021 09:20

@CheddarGorge

Someone needs to call social services ASAP
HmmHmmHmmno they don't. It might not be something you'd personally do, but it's not something social services would be interested in, unless there are other markers alongside. This is just differing parenting styles.
SleepingStandingUp · 13/07/2021 09:28

Op when you're at home would you go over to your neighbours to socialise whilst leaving 5he baby in their cot?

If you're sitting staring at the building or the camera all night that doesn't sound very relaxing.

I'd put them down in a rocker with you and then carry them to bed or at least sit in the garden with the door open