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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To let our baby sleep in a guesthouse in the garden

644 replies

Zipfer · 12/07/2021 21:52

We are in between moves and staying with family. Our family has a guesthouse (a kind of extended shed with a bedroom kitchenette and bathroom) in the garden about twenty metres at the end of the garden. The guesthouse is visible from the house.

In the evenings we have taken to putting our baby (6 months) to sleep in the guesthouse while we stay in the mainhouse. We have a baby monitor and the house is door is locked. We know the area. We are also sleeping on the guesthouse.

DW and I both agree that this is safe as the risk is low. However, thinking about other famous cases (not drawing a parallel), we think it might be odd to let our baby sleep in a different building for part of the evening. Would you consider this sufficiently safe to allow your baby sleep in this situation?

OP posts:

FreekStar2 · 13/07/2021 07:25

And what other famous cases of babies coming to harm in locked rooms have their been?

Forestttheout · 13/07/2021 07:26

Lots of people calling you a terrible parent here but I'd agree its fine. I live in a country where its not unusual for houses to be built as separate buildings so the bedrooms are not attached to the main house so this would be very common here. Also not unusual for people to have huge gardens with entertaining areas so I've been to plenty of partys where people are in the garden, babies are in bed. How is that any different. Most people have a camera monitor though so they can see and hear the baby

warmfluffytowels · 13/07/2021 07:27

It's the separate building/locked door that bothers me.

Our bathroom lock broke the other week leaving DH stuck in the bathroom. He couldn't get out of the window and had no way of contacting me so he was just stuck in there

What if the lock broke to the annexe and your baby was stuck in there?

I also like what a PP said way up thread - if something went wrong and you had to explain your actions to the police, fire department or social services, would you feel comfortable defending what you did?

Ragwort · 13/07/2021 07:28

I can't believe how over cautious mumsnetters seem to be, yes, I would do that, and have done very similar when my DS was younger. But then I was happy for him to sleep in his own room from birth which no doubt is considered child abuse on Mumsnet.

I never know why people post queries such as this on here. If you are comfortable with your decision then why seek to justify it?

Immunetypegoblin · 13/07/2021 07:29

I think I'd be ok with this tbh. It's on your property, it's locked, I presume you check on the baby every so often... I used to put my kids to bed upstairs in my house and not check on them for several hours unless the monitor went off, so this doesn't feel that different.

Looubylou · 13/07/2021 07:29

As someone else said, maternal instincts would make me be on edge, I wouldn't be able to relax at all. YABVU

Bluntness100 · 13/07/2021 07:29

I’m shocked anyone would do this, lock their baby in a separate building like this. Yes the risks are low, but they exist, why would anyone take a risk with their baby like this.

FreekStar2 · 13/07/2021 07:32

Everything has risks

Door lock breaks? Smash the window!
Risk of fire? Smoke alarm!
Kidnappers? WTF?
Alien Invasion???

Disfordarkchocolate · 13/07/2021 07:34

I just can't understand why you would choose this instead of one adult in the guest house and an adult and baby in the main house. Honestly, your choice would never have crossed my mind.

Hardbackwriter · 13/07/2021 07:37

@Disfordarkchocolate

I just can't understand why you would choose this instead of one adult in the guest house and an adult and baby in the main house. Honestly, your choice would never have crossed my mind.

I definitely don't think you've actually understood what they're doing - they're leaving the baby for two hours in the evening, not overnight.

joesm12 · 13/07/2021 07:39

Not a chance!! Nope. No. No way.

If the guesthouse has a kitchen/bathroom etc why do you need to be in the main house once baby is bed?

It's no different to putting your baby to bed and going next door to the neighbours to watch tv with them for the evening. No one in their right mind would do it.

SmallPrawnEnergy · 13/07/2021 07:40

If you had properly explained the set up that you were only leaving the baby alone in the guesthouse for a couple of hours and you were sleeping in there this may have yielded different results tbh.

I think putting the baby down to sleep for 2 hours in there is verging on the line of ok, however the locked doors do worry me if there was a fire, it is a known hazard. It’s not about being obsessed with spontaneous fire breaking out, but mitigating risks. There’s lots of things you do to mitigate risks on a daily basis but don’t mock. It’s also not about the likelihood of it happening but the severity if it does happen. If you’re willing to risk it then that’s your call.

Bumblenums1234 · 13/07/2021 07:45

@ShaneTheThird

Lots of the arguments don’t really make any logical sense. Of course you couldn’t smell smoke from a fire but there is a smoke alarm and you would hear that over the monitor as quickly as you would if in the same house. You wouldn’t be there if the baby started choking but the same would be true if they were sleeping upstairs in another room. And none of the posters who are having a flap about this have explained why it is worse than sitting in the garden while a child is upstairs sleeping which is pretty common.

In an emergency every second counts, so deliberately doing something that delays getting the baby help in an emergency, eg, exiting a building, getting across a garden and fumbling for keys will take a lot longer than simply running upstairs.

It would take me less time in my house to exit the house and run across my garden to my garage than to run upstairs to ds room.

ancientgran · 13/07/2021 07:46

i'm not clear what it is, a kind of extended shed or a brick built annexe. Two very different things.

When ours were growing up we had a saying, "What would the coroner say." If the worst came to the worst and a coroner was involved if he would condemn it we wouldn't do it. For me it fails the coroner test.

PlumpCushion · 13/07/2021 07:46

@SmallPrawnEnergy I’m now wondering if most posters think this is for the whole night!
The OP states ‘part of the night’ but didn’t specify 8-10pm until four posts in. I’m shocked at the strength of most replies too so I think you’re right Prawn.

DeadButDelicious · 13/07/2021 07:47

No way. Not a chance.

I don't feel it's the same as them 'being asleep upstairs/in a different part of the house' it's an entirely different building.

This feels like a very unnecessary risk.

warmfluffytowels · 13/07/2021 07:47

@FreekStar2

Everything has risks

Door lock breaks? Smash the window!
Risk of fire? Smoke alarm!
Kidnappers? WTF?
Alien Invasion???

Of course everything has risks but you have to balance the risk/benefit. Getting in a car is dangerous but many people need to drive places to get to work, pay the bills etc. so they see it as an acceptable risk.

Leaving a baby in a separate locked building is, to me, a convenience for the parents and it doesn't have a real benefit to the baby so it's not something I would do. I would feel too awful if something happened and the only reason I couldn't stop it was because they were locked in another building.

ancientgran · 13/07/2021 07:49

[quote PlumpCushion]@SmallPrawnEnergy I’m now wondering if most posters think this is for the whole night!
The OP states ‘part of the night’ but didn’t specify 8-10pm until four posts in. I’m shocked at the strength of most replies too so I think you’re right Prawn.[/quote]
I don't think it is for the whole night but I wouldn't feel comfortable with a baby locked in a separate building at the end of the garden for 2 hours.

thecognoscenti · 13/07/2021 07:50

@Bluntness100

I’m shocked anyone would do this, lock their baby in a separate building like this. Yes the risks are low, but they exist, why would anyone take a risk with their baby like this.

They'll be far more at risk on the drive to the property. Do you not get in a car (or only go on journeys which are absolutely essential and unavoidable) because of the risk of an accident? There are risks to everything.

Marmitemarinaded · 13/07/2021 07:56

I recall you from another thread

Given your baby was 6 weeks premature, no - I wouldn’t do this.

warmfluffytowels · 13/07/2021 07:56

If I didn't drive, I wouldn't be able to work or pay the bills, so it's a necessary risk.

Leaving your child alone in a locked building isn't necessary for anyone.

MWNA · 13/07/2021 08:04

@Zipfer

Genuinely interested to hear this is so unanimous. We both (and our family) feel very comfortable with this. The guesthouse has a fire alarm by the way.

Your opening post said you both feel it's odd. Make your mind up.

MaMaD1990 · 13/07/2021 08:05

Personally, I don't see an issue with the set up. The video camera is on her, she's in a properly built building with a smoke detector and you can see her/the building from the main house. I'd feel comfortable with that.

Disfordarkchocolate · 13/07/2021 08:06

Still wouldn't do it @Hardbackwriter. It's a very small baby, for me close to parents is the default option.

ancientgran · 13/07/2021 08:07

@MaMaD1990

Or a kind of extended shed. The story did change.

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