Lately, I feel like everything we do is based around what my partner wants to do.
Most weekends revolve around seeing my partners friends and family. Who I like and enjoy seeing, but sometimes I just feel like my wants aren't considered and we automatically just do what my partner wants.
Friday night partners friends came round for dinner. I did all the cooking and all the washing up afterwards. Next day I felt exhausted and was really looking forward to a lazy day after a busy week at work and socialising... unfortunately our boiler broke and partners friends kindly let us go to theirs to use their shower. I told partner how I needed to get on with some errands that day, but also wanted to chill as was feeling run down..I come out of the shower and partner and his friends are about to start a board game (a long game that goes on for a while!) We ended up being there until 4pm.... I just felt a bit annoyed that partner hadnt asked me if I wanted to stay, and then because everything was all set up I felt I couldnt really say anything as would be super awkward.
Next day partners mum was coming over...I did the cleaning of the house, went food shopping, made us all lunch and did the washing up afterwards. Partner was appreciative of this and was saying thank you and being grateful...so I dont mind doing these things as long as I feel that it isnt taken for granted you know?
Then at about 10pm, partner on phone and said he has seen a camping holiday he wants us to go on. He shows me it, and the description involves doing lots of water sports, kayaking, paddle boarding, wild swimming etc... I can't swim and have a big fear of deep water, and I would not be able to do any of these activities!!! I said to him, that looks good but could we look for one that isn't so focused on water sports? His response was, well it probably wouldnt take that long if I went off and did those...
I just felt annoyed. Like you want to book a weekend away, but you are choosing something that I can't get involved with, so I'm just supposed to wait on my own whilst he goes off and does all his activities?
Then he was just like let's book it now before it gets booked up. I was like hang on, I havent had a chance to look at it properly yet or think about it. He was like what is there to think about? Come on it will be fun, you said you want to try new things etc...
I started to feel angry and said I feel like he gets his mind set on something he wants to do, but doesnt consider whether I want to do it or will enjoy it, and I feel it is a bit selfish to book something which involves things I can't do.
He got in a huff then and went silent and stroppy like "oh fine then, dont bother". I said I was tired and was going to bed and now he has been silent with me all morning so far.
Sometimes I just feel like his accessory he takes to things, it doesnt matter what I think or feel or I want. I feel like everything we do revolves around his wants and because I want him to be happy I just agree with things.
I'm fed up of being his cook, his cleaner, his hostess for his friends and family. I want him to care about what my needs and wishes are and to want to book a holiday we both enjoy and choose together, not one he finds himself and tells me we are going on.
AIBU?