AIBU to wish people could be more honest and accepting of honesty?

[LemonLemonLemon]

I realise I’m not about to change society, but I wish it was more acceptable to be straight with people. Probably my pet hate is white lies to avoid a slightly upsetting truth.

For example, if a friend doesn’t want to meet with me because they’d rather spend the day relaxing, they should be able to tell me that and I should accept that and move on. I know for a fact that a lot of people would lie about this, or if they told the truth it would upset the other person.

Why can’t we tell someone if an outfit doesn’t suit their shape, or if they’ve upset us and why?

I’m not saying everyone suddenly needs to become rude and blunt, you can still be honest with tact.

Of course there's variation in individuals but I did find people more direct (heading towards harsh!) growing up in a far tougher environment than my kids have done. I think there's been a generational change too with ever more evasion seeming to be the norm now. Maybe I'm wrong, just my experiences over a life of moving.

Tbh I find in Germany and Austria attitudes very different from all sectors in the UK. No sugarcoating or beating about the bush whatsoever ime.
But yes I often see differences between men and women in the UK, between different areas and yes different social groups. I have most of my life experience here so I'm not surprised to see subtle differences.

I'm not very fond of people who make a virtue out of 'honesty'. Often it's just sticking their beaks into matters which don't concern them or making a fuss over insignificant matters. People don't actually "say it how it is", they say it how they think it is and quite often they would have done better to have said nothing at all.

@SlothinSpirit

I'm not very fond of people who make a virtue out of 'honesty'. Often it's just sticking their beaks into matters which don't concern them or making a fuss over insignificant matters. People don't actually "say it how it is", they say it how they think it is and quite often they would have done better to have said nothing at all.

@SlothinSpirit

YES!!! Exactly this.

And those people, who feel so superior because they "tell it like it is" - I wonder if they realise they can only do this because the rest of us don't?

Because if we did, I expect their circle of friends would suddenly feel a lot smaller.

"I'm not very fond of people who make a virtue out of 'honesty'. Often it's just sticking their beaks into matters which don't concern them or making a fuss over insignificant matters. "

This has nothing to do with anything.

"What class are foreigners😁

They're exempt. It's quite funny, actually. If an English person does 'x', we thing they must be working class, but if a German person does 'x', we think they're... German."

I live in another European country and directness varies by class here too.

@Gwenhwyfar. Except the entire thread.

I think that, contrary to what some PPs are saying, if you're an honest person, and decent, you're more likely to keep your trap shut regularly, because, as others have mentioned, the truth can sometimes hurt.

Therefore, if you are not honest or an avoider of white lies yourself, your only knowing experience of honest people will be those idiot spouters who can't keep their opinions to themselves, and use 'I'm just being honest' as an excuse.

Nobody is aware of the silent honesty of someone not mentioning that your bum looks big in that, because you didn't ask them, and your opinion of how their bum looks is irrelevant to everything in the world.

Move to Italy or Spain! Then you'll get offended at just how open and frank they are with you

I've lived in both countries btw and love that they just say what they think and expect the same of others. I shifted to do the same and makes all aspects of life easier

@thisplaceisweird

Move to Italy or Spain! Then you'll get offended at just how open and frank they are with you

Nothing compared to the Dutch.

[quote SlothinSpirit]@Gwenhwyfar. Except the entire thread.[/quote]
What? In what way?

The Dutch are famously 'rude' even more so than the Germans.
I actually find this kind of honesty 'abrasive' and often unnecessary. There are ways of being honest and I do think a lot of Brits manage it with great skill.

I am getting more 'don't give a fuck' as I get older, but nevertheless I value British manners, all the more so as I have spent many years living in other countries either without them or with an entirely different set.

I do think that people in UK complaining about not having enough honesty would soon get sorely tired of being reprimanded on a frequent basis by well-meaning, but honest Dutch/Germans.
Be careful what you wish for.

"The Dutch are famously 'rude' even more so than the Germans."

They're not being rude, they're just being frank.

"nevertheless I value British manners, all the more so as I have spent many years living in other countries either without them or with an entirely different set."

I value kindness and lying to people isn't kindness. Telling someone to buy a dress that makes them look shit is not kindness, is it? Insulting someone in a roundabout way that leaves them wondering what the real meaning is isn't kind.

It's not about honesty. It's about not sharing the same code. It might be cultura;, regional. gener-based, generational or class based but it's a code.
If I go into the office and say "Hi Bob, how are you? Nice weekend>?" Bob knows exactly what I mean becasue we share a company culture and are of similar age and level. He'll reply "Good thanks, Sue. You?"

MN is full of people not understanding each other's codes and taking offence. It has nothing to do with politeness - or honesty.
And I resent the lumping together of the " Oh so polite English" as if they are all white middle class middle-aged professionals or salt-of-the-earth Northerners. Take a look around at "The English".

Exactly , the amount of times people on here tell people to lie is depressing as well.