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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to have wanted to eat my cakes?

133 replies

IWantedTheCake · 11/07/2021 17:20

NC in case anyone from work recognises this.

I've had a pretty full-on time at work the last few months, and was over the moon to find out I'd been put forward for one of the annual staff awards. It's really nice to have that recognition! Normally they'd have a big ceremony with a lunch, but what with covid it's online instead. As a congratulations for being nominated and in place of the lunch, the directors sent out a box of really nice cakes to everyone nominated. I'm up against a lot of senior and important people so know I won't get the award, but it was nice to be nominated and really nice to be sent these cakes.

I was real chuffed so obviously told DH, who said to save a slice for him. Which is fine, of course I'm going to share with him!

But there were 6 slices, I have had 1 already, and was hoping to have one with a cuppa while we have the online ceremony. But 5 minutes after DH came in today I heard him giving some to DD. I got a bit annoyed as they have a lot of sugar, she's only 2, and she'd already shared an ice cream with me at the park this afternoon, but I thought its not worth getting into an argument over.

Then I saw the empty box in the recycling. Went to double check in the fridge, and yep, they're all gone. I had 1 slice out of the 6. He and DD (but mainly him) have scoffed the rest. I know it's probably petty, but it feels like such a kick in the teeth. I worked really hard, taken on lots of extra responsibilities, and was just really looking forward to enjoying those cakes as a reward.

I told him I was annoyed, explained that 1. DD has already had enough sugar today 2. I was planning on saving a slice for the ceremony and 3. They were my bloody cakes! He's got all defensive, said I should've told him not to touch them, and is now in a huff saying he'll go to the shops and get me another cake if it's that big a deal, all passive-aggressive like. AIBU here?

OP posts:
CloseYourEyesAndSee · 11/07/2021 19:56

[quote shouldistop]@vanillapannacotta seriously? Food has to be hidden from you even if you know it's not yours to eat? [/quote]
This isn't unusual for someone with binge eating disorder or similar and she takes steps to deal with it. No need for the incredulity.

vanillapannacotta · 11/07/2021 19:59

Thank you @closeyoureyesandsee I find certain foods impossible to resist and have problems with binge eating especially chocolate and sweet food.

shouldistop · 11/07/2021 19:59

Did I miss the pp saying she had an eating disorder, if so I apologise. She said she was greedy and lacked will power, not that she has an eating disorder.

vanillapannacotta · 11/07/2021 20:03

@shouldistop I do have problems with bingeing (hence me getting the family to hide food from me).

RealBecca · 11/07/2021 20:04

OP sorry but youre being a doormat. He can absolitely go without some fags or something or forgo a new knife to learn the value.

Original poster
IWantedTheCake · 11/07/2021 20:05

DH does not have a binge eating disorder, he just tends to snack a lot.

OP posts:
DeRigueurMortis · 11/07/2021 20:05

Do you have a patio?

If so you know what to do....

doucey · 11/07/2021 20:07

OP in your latest update you said that sometimes he pesters you for sex and then minimised it by saying it was rarely. You might want about the significance of why you think that's OK and stay with this man.

Caiti19 · 11/07/2021 20:13

Yep, another vote for supremely selfish given the context.

OnceUponAMidnightBeery · 11/07/2021 20:14

He may not have a binge eating disorder, but he does have a ‘what I want I have regardless of you, and you’re wrong to call me out on it so I’ll lie and gaslight’ problem.

Otherwise known as Twattus Supremus, common variety, Greedy Inconsiderate Cuntus.

I know it’s not what you wanted or expected to hear @IWantedTheCake

But his actions speak for his attitude.

Elbie79 · 11/07/2021 20:27

Twat.

But FAR more important is not to let his crapness overshadow your wonderful achievement. Congratulations to you and how lovely you are in a space where hard work is recognised - actually so many positives for the future OP.

AnotherDayAnotherCake · 11/07/2021 20:29

He also smokes so a fair amount of money goes on that
In that case I’d be asking him to replace. At least 5 slices.
It was your cake!!!

harriethoyle · 11/07/2021 20:36

He's a dick and needs to replace the cakes. What an idiot!

Feelingfrustrated990 · 11/07/2021 20:48

I would be very upset too
He sounds like a greedy pig who has bad attitude too .

Gooseberrypies · 11/07/2021 21:20

‘Very rarely pesters me for sex’ … yeah, sounds like a gem.

myfuckingfreezer · 11/07/2021 21:43

I'm really confused from your posts - how many slices did you each have do you reckon in total?

Sunbird24 · 11/07/2021 21:50

@myfuckingfreezer OP had 2 half slices less a bit cut off each for DD, her DH had 4 whole slices and the other half of the two she had, so effectively 5 in total.

PinkArt · 11/07/2021 22:06

very rarely pesters me for sex, and often offers to give me and DD a lift in the morning to nursery on his way to work so we don't have to take the bus.
Please raise the bar OP. He should NEVER pester you for sex. And if lifts sound like they are easily possible then there shouldn't need to be any 'having' to take the bus.
It sounds like he's really done a number on you. It might only be cake to some but it really says a lot about the respect he doesn't give you.

Concestor · 11/07/2021 22:09

The update you posted was supposed to make us think better if fun but it's done the complete opposite for me. He pesters you for sex, he doesn't always gives you a lift in the morning agree he's obviously going your way of he can do it sometimes when it suits him, he eats all your lovely cake and makes it your fault, the famility has to drink and save but he wastes money on smoking, he is jealous of you having a nice workplace so he sabotages your reward.

And you think he "puts up with you"?

He's done a real number on you. Have a look at the Freedom Programme and start working towards leaving. He's a fucking arsehole.

Concestor · 11/07/2021 22:10

Of him, not if fun.

Concestor · 11/07/2021 22:11

Scrimp and save.

So many autocorrect sorry!

Cherrysoup · 11/07/2021 22:17

He sounds incredibly selfish and inconsiderate. I’d be really upset with my dh if he did that.

KittyKattyKate · 11/07/2021 23:13

LTB

pasturesgreen · 12/07/2021 00:10

Very rarely pesters me for sex, and often offers to give me and DD a lift in the morning to nursery on his way to work so we don't have to take the bus

I find it heartbreaking, OP, that you go on to say you're really lucky to have him and you're not sure anyone else would've put up with me. He only rarely pesters you for sex, really? I know it's easier said than done, but please, please try to love yourself a bit more and set the bar a bit higher. This is no way to live.

pasturesgreen · 12/07/2021 00:12

*put up with you, sorry