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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to have wanted to eat my cakes?

133 replies

IWantedTheCake · 11/07/2021 17:20

NC in case anyone from work recognises this.

I've had a pretty full-on time at work the last few months, and was over the moon to find out I'd been put forward for one of the annual staff awards. It's really nice to have that recognition! Normally they'd have a big ceremony with a lunch, but what with covid it's online instead. As a congratulations for being nominated and in place of the lunch, the directors sent out a box of really nice cakes to everyone nominated. I'm up against a lot of senior and important people so know I won't get the award, but it was nice to be nominated and really nice to be sent these cakes.

I was real chuffed so obviously told DH, who said to save a slice for him. Which is fine, of course I'm going to share with him!

But there were 6 slices, I have had 1 already, and was hoping to have one with a cuppa while we have the online ceremony. But 5 minutes after DH came in today I heard him giving some to DD. I got a bit annoyed as they have a lot of sugar, she's only 2, and she'd already shared an ice cream with me at the park this afternoon, but I thought its not worth getting into an argument over.

Then I saw the empty box in the recycling. Went to double check in the fridge, and yep, they're all gone. I had 1 slice out of the 6. He and DD (but mainly him) have scoffed the rest. I know it's probably petty, but it feels like such a kick in the teeth. I worked really hard, taken on lots of extra responsibilities, and was just really looking forward to enjoying those cakes as a reward.

I told him I was annoyed, explained that 1. DD has already had enough sugar today 2. I was planning on saving a slice for the ceremony and 3. They were my bloody cakes! He's got all defensive, said I should've told him not to touch them, and is now in a huff saying he'll go to the shops and get me another cake if it's that big a deal, all passive-aggressive like. AIBU here?

OP posts:
Flgbusterhereagain · 11/07/2021 17:51

What a greedy pig. And nasty person as well for being all shitty after eating YOUR cake. My ex would have done something like this tbh, and would also turn it around so I was somehow the one at fault. It's not nice behaviour.

MarmaladeToastAndAMarmaladeCat · 11/07/2021 17:52

Wow that is incredibly greedy and selfish. You shouldn’t have to specifically tell him not to eat all the cake ffs.

IWantedTheCake · 11/07/2021 17:55

I've had a look online and the box cost over £12! We're having to be very careful with money and we just can't justify that. It's also clear that his offer to go to the shops and buy replacements wasn't serious and he never expected me to take him up on it, so that's not happening.

He's also now pissed off because he's been working all day and I left him to change DD's nappy while I calmed myself down and vented on here.

It's so stupid but I just feel so down about it all.

OP posts:
godmum56 · 11/07/2021 17:57

@LtDansleg

Yanbu. Even if they were regular cakes bought with the weekly shop he shouldn’t have been so greedy to scoff the entire box, bar one. But these were special given to you as a gift. He should have asked permission to have one, you shouldn’t have to tell him to leave them alone. And you obviously didn’t tell him to leave them alone as you wouldn’t have minded him having one, not the whole fucking box though. It’s not the same him going out and getting a random replacement from the shop
yes it is provided the replacement is posh expensive cake. Cake is cake.....except you make him go out and get it and then you eat it ALL while he has to watch
Wearywithteens · 11/07/2021 17:58

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

godmum56 · 11/07/2021 17:59

@IWantedTheCake

I've had a look online and the box cost over £12! We're having to be very careful with money and we just can't justify that. It's also clear that his offer to go to the shops and buy replacements wasn't serious and he never expected me to take him up on it, so that's not happening.

He's also now pissed off because he's been working all day and I left him to change DD's nappy while I calmed myself down and vented on here.

It's so stupid but I just feel so down about it all.

well does he have spending money? for beer, lunches so on? because out of that comes the £12 replacement. Its like kids. Replacements of stuff taken broken and so on comes out of pocket money
Reallybadidea · 11/07/2021 18:03

@Wearywithteens

I think what hurts more in these situations is the gaslighting and the turning it around on you like you’re the bad guy. He could’ve just grovelled and admitted to being a selfish pig. But now he wants to punish you for calling him out and not knowing your place. So he’s a misogynist too.
Yep.
IWantedTheCake · 11/07/2021 18:04

No, he doesn't get a break at work so no lunch or dinner money, and he doesn't really drink. After our own personal bills (debts and phones etc) all money gets pooled to pay the nursery, rent and bills. We don't have much left over after that which is why the £12 is a bit too much for us to spend. If anything that makes me feel even sadder- I know that's not a lot for most people but it is for us, and it'll be a long while before I can treat myself to something like that as a replacement.

OP posts:
IWantedTheCake · 11/07/2021 18:08

I thought this would be a but of a lighthearted thread where I blow off some steam and then have a laugh about it, but I'm now just feeling really sad about it all. Sorry.

OP posts:
notanothertakeaway · 11/07/2021 18:08

That was selfish of him, but hope he gets you something special, preferably the exact cakes if you know where they came from

godmum56 · 11/07/2021 18:13

he has not treats at all?

exybusiness · 11/07/2021 18:13

I would actually make him replace them. Mainly because he offered knowing you'd probably say no.
I'd be really pissed off too, I could feel myself getting irritated reading your OP.

accentdusoleil · 11/07/2021 18:14

Well done for being recognised at your job. It's great that the bosses have seen how great you are .

Hopefully one of many prizes to come

Could he go get one of those big dairy milk bars for one or two pounds? I know not as nice but far cheaper

Bluntness100 · 11/07/2021 18:15

That’s a really selfish thing for him to do. I don’t think I know anyone who would do such a thing. And he knew what he was doing when he was stuffing them down. What a shit he is.

OnceUponAMidnightBeery · 11/07/2021 18:16

I’d feel sad too @IWantedTheCake it is sad when someone you love basically shows he couldn’t give a shit.

Especially as he KNEW you couldn’t afford to replace them.

That says everything about how much he considers and respects you ☹️

Cloudninenine · 11/07/2021 18:21

He’s a greedy pig, and very selfish

IWantedTheCake · 11/07/2021 18:21

@godmum56 He treats himself every now and then to a new knife (related to his job) and always has snacks on the go. He also smokes so a fair amount of money goes on that.

I've decided I'm going to make myself some replacement cakes. I'm not the best baker but I've found a box of Hey Duggee cupcakes mix that I bought a couple months ago and forgot about Grin so me and DD are going to make them together and we're not sharing with DH

OP posts:
Wearywithteens · 11/07/2021 18:22

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Sunbird24 · 11/07/2021 18:38

How much is a packet of cigarettes these days? 🤔

godmum56 · 11/07/2021 18:39

so he can cut down on the ciggies till he has repaid you the £12 quid that's about a pack and a half...it will be good for his health too.

godmum56 · 11/07/2021 18:40

@Sunbird24

How much is a packet of cigarettes these days? 🤔
9 quid ish
godmum56 · 11/07/2021 18:41

PS I am not usually one of the jumps to conclusion types.....but is that how he has treated you before?

Dohrehmee · 11/07/2021 18:41

What a selfish twat. I’d have been tempted to punch him. Yo tell him you want the whole box replacing and then share it wuth your friends

ItsALovelyDayToday · 11/07/2021 18:44

The greediness is bad enough but perhaps forgivable if he was very apologetic, remorseful and offered to buy a proper replacement, gracefully. But he’s acted horribly and made you feel even worse.

I feel so sad for you. He’s not a team player, just thinking of himself. My husband would have been reluctant to even eat a single slice and been incredibly grateful if offered one.

He honestly sounds so nasty and selfish.

Waspsarearseholes · 11/07/2021 18:45

If he can afford £10-£15 on a box of cigarettes he can afford £12 to replace your cakes. Or is it that he doesn't mind burning money for himself but not spending it on something for you?