Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

AIBU: PIL compare baby to dog

117 replies

Caritas · 11/07/2021 17:14

For several years, DH and I have endured a difficult relationship with his parents, including several months of no communication last year. However since the birth of our son (their first grandchild), who is now almost three months old, relations have significantly improved and they genuinely seem to care and be making an effort with him and us.

We've so far seen them three times since DS's birth, but video call weekly due to living a fair way from them. They've also recently acquired a new puppy which they dote on and treat like a child, and therein lies the issue. Every time we've called or seen them, they always draw comparisons between our baby and the dog, be it behaviour, sleepless nights or milestones, and often in ways to downplay our news. When we told them DS had started smiling for example, their response was to inform us their puppy had started 'smiling' . Every time we send them photos of their grandson, they respond with images of their puppy and saying how 'similar' they both are. MIL frequently refers to it as their second grandchild and DH's 'sibling', and how much she's looking forward to them 'growing up together'. They know that DH and I've never had any interest in dogs, so do not particularly appreciate these comparisons between our baby and an animal on a daily basis. DH has gently tried to hint this on several occasions, without wishing to offend them and cause a further rift, but so far without much success.

Would we BU to tell them of our dislike of these comparisons the next time it happens? I appreciate the dog means a lot to them, but would prefer not to have it given the same level of importance as their grandchild, every time we see them.

OP posts:

ComtesseDeSpair · 11/07/2021 17:19

They prefer their dog to your baby. Some people just do, not everyone finds babies particularly interesting, even if it’s their own family. You send them photos of your baby; they send ones in return of their dog. If it makes you upset, send fewer photos. If the relationship with them has always been strained, it’s probably unrealistic to expect it to suddenly change just because you’d had a baby.

ComDummings · 11/07/2021 17:21

I find that really weird. I’m not sure if I’d say anything though because if they’re that weird and obsessed with their dog it won’t go down well. But yeah people who compare babies to dogs are bizarre.

Tenbob · 11/07/2021 17:23

I would start having some fun with it…

‘PIL, we have been trying to teach DS ‘sit’ and ‘stay’ this week. He is really good at it! How is dog’s coming along?
I think we will wait a few months for ‘roll over’ so let’s see who can do it first!’

‘PIL, we’ve taken Ds to baby sensory today. He loved it! We have been on Amazon and bought some coloured scarves and jingle bells for you so you can do it with puppy! I’m sure they will love it as much as DS does’

User5827372728 · 11/07/2021 17:24

Lol, seriously I wouldn’t give it another thought

CommunistLegoBloc · 11/07/2021 17:24

They're excited about their puppy, you're excited about your baby. No one is wrong.

AlternativePerspective · 11/07/2021 17:25

TBH I wouldn’t give it any thought.

So they have this need to talk up their dog. They’re obviously barking but it really doesn’t matter in the scheme of things.

Alannawhorideslikeaman · 11/07/2021 17:29

I think it's probably their way of empathising and trying to extend the conversation, especially if things have been challenging in the past. They also might find it hard living away and having limited access to baby so putting their emotions onto the dog.
Also, you're not dog people, but to those of us who are - a new puppy is a huge, exciting and overwhelming addition to a family. My mil regularly refers to my dog as her third grandchild and when my parents were with friends who were showing photos of their newest grandchild, proceeded to show them photos of my dog . I wouldn't let it upset you, I think it more likely them trying to build a bond in a difficult relationship.

KarmaStar · 11/07/2021 17:31

Many people consider their pets as part of their family.
Having a puppy is a very hard job with a lot of commitment and lack of sleep when you have to wake up regularly in the night to take them outside for the toilet.
You are their whole world and caring for them forms the bond.
They are not trying to dismiss your baby's progress they are simply in love with their puppy and want family to love them and for the puppy and baby to have fun together when they are older.
Try to relax on this and don't take it to heart with your pfb.
Accept them for who they are and just smile to yourself and carry on.
Count your blessings you have a healthy baby and don't stress about things that are not really important.💐

WiddlinDiddlin · 11/07/2021 17:34

Some people genuinely like to share comparable stuff (and sorry but development wise there are lots of valid comparisons until a kid hits about 2) rather than sit there listening to a monologue of 'my baby did this and this and the other thing' and just nod and say 'oh yes how nice'.

I doubt they are trying to play down your baby's achievements, but maybe consider that they find your baby about as interesting as you find their dog...

Some of us like babies and some of us like dogs and some of us did a 6 hour round trip yesterday, where 50% of the reason for that was to meet a friend and colleagues new puppy (ok the other 50% of the reason was to see friend, do some work stuff we can't do remotely etc).

Middlesboroughgirl · 11/07/2021 17:38

I like my dog more than other people's babies too.

Mamette · 11/07/2021 17:41

I just wouldn’t bother sending them any photos.

BastardMonkfish · 11/07/2021 17:41

YANBU and I don't understand the replies saying of course they prefer their dog to your baby. This isn't some random baby, it's their first grandchild.

Furrydogmum · 11/07/2021 17:42

I feel for you, but my dogs know my mum as Grandma . To be fair she prefers her human grandchildren without a doubt, but fairly sure the granddogs come before her own children..

Freddiefox · 11/07/2021 17:44

My mum talks about her day all the bloody time . It’s dull and boring. Sometimes I just sit Stoney faced and other times I might mutter a hmm and false a smile. Just rise about it

Barbie222 · 11/07/2021 17:45

Are you thinking maybe they're trying to hint you talk about the baby to the exclusion of everything else? With some branches of my family that's the way this would be communicated. Not nice though.

Bksjshsbbev2737 · 11/07/2021 17:47

I would try to let it wash over you as part of me thinks they’re doing it on purpose; I do get it’s annoying though

30degreesandmeltinghere · 11/07/2021 17:48

I voted yabu.... Accept their devotion to their dpuppy. Keeps them home and not at your door!!

SamMil · 11/07/2021 17:50

Sounds like they're just excited about their puppy. It doesn't take away from your baby. You might find it a bit much, but sometimes you just have to smile and nod, rather than being upset over something minor.

SW1amp · 11/07/2021 17:50

@KarmaStar

Many people consider their pets as part of their family. Having a puppy is a very hard job with a lot of commitment and lack of sleep when you have to wake up regularly in the night to take them outside for the toilet. You are their whole world and caring for them forms the bond. They are not trying to dismiss your baby's progress they are simply in love with their puppy and want family to love them and for the puppy and baby to have fun together when they are older. Try to relax on this and don't take it to heart with your pfb. Accept them for who they are and just smile to yourself and carry on. Count your blessings you have a healthy baby and don't stress about things that are not really important.💐

Are you OPs mother in law..?

bakingdemon · 11/07/2021 17:53

Babies are quite like puppies in a lot of ways though. Even now my toddler needs regular walks or he goes crazy, just like a dog.

FrangipaniBlue · 11/07/2021 17:56

@Middlesboroughgirl

I like my dog more than other people's babies too.

Me too 😂😂

AlternativePerspective · 11/07/2021 17:58

Thing is, when it’s your first baby you think everyone wants to hear about them as much as you want to tell them, when really people aren’t all that interested, or if they are, then your baby isn’t necessarily top of their agenda.

I shudder when I think back to when DS was a baby, and how upset both me and then DH were that his sister only ever asked about the baby as what seemed like an afterthought. Truth was, she didn’t have children yet, and was probably not as interested as we thought she should be. Once my baby was a bit older the ridiculousness of this became apparent.

Talk of withholding pictures and wanting the grandchild to always be so important and if she’s not listening about the baby then don’t talk to her are ridiculous.

You’re excited about your baby. She’s excited about her puppy. It’s no big deal. The baby will grow up and learn to walk and talk and have a relationship with them which won’t have anything to do with when he smiled or rolled over, that’s all just first steps stuff and is gone in a moment.

If they refuse to get to know the baby going forward then that’s another issue to be addressed. But not wanting to talk about it in favour of wanting to talk about their puppy really isn’t anything to be upset over.

SW1amp · 11/07/2021 18:03

@AlternativePerspective

Talk of withholding pictures and wanting the grandchild to always be so important and if she’s not listening about the baby then don’t talk to her are ridiculous.

Oh come on. There is what you’re saying, and then there is the PILs claiming the puppy has had its first smile at the same time as their first grandchild

If you can’t see the ridiculousness of them being competitive about a puppy’s developmental milestones compared to the baby, you’re as barking as the PIL!

giletrouge · 11/07/2021 18:03

They’re obviously barking
This poster nails it.

SleepingStandingUp · 11/07/2021 18:06

frequently refers to it as their second grandchild and DH's 'sibling how is that physically possible? I don't mean inter species stuff, I mean their grandchild and their child's sibling?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5