AIBU: PIL compare baby to dog

[Caritas]

For several years, DH and I have endured a difficult relationship with his parents, including several months of no communication last year. However since the birth of our son (their first grandchild), who is now almost three months old, relations have significantly improved and they genuinely seem to care and be making an effort with him and us.

We've so far seen them three times since DS's birth, but video call weekly due to living a fair way from them. They've also recently acquired a new puppy which they dote on and treat like a child, and therein lies the issue. Every time we've called or seen them, they always draw comparisons between our baby and the dog, be it behaviour, sleepless nights or milestones, and often in ways to downplay our news. When we told them DS had started smiling for example, their response was to inform us their puppy had started 'smiling' . Every time we send them photos of their grandson, they respond with images of their puppy and saying how 'similar' they both are. MIL frequently refers to it as their second grandchild and DH's 'sibling', and how much she's looking forward to them 'growing up together'. They know that DH and I've never had any interest in dogs, so do not particularly appreciate these comparisons between our baby and an animal on a daily basis. DH has gently tried to hint this on several occasions, without wishing to offend them and cause a further rift, but so far without much success.

Would we BU to tell them of our dislike of these comparisons the next time it happens? I appreciate the dog means a lot to them, but would prefer not to have it given the same level of importance as their grandchild, every time we see them.

If the comparisons continue, ask them when they anticipate the dog learning to talk and walk on his hind legs.

Take comfort that it's a time limited comparison. It's not like the dog will be doing GSCEs.

Most (sensible) parents soon come to the realisation that no one really cares that much about their kids

I think it's a reasonable expectation that your parents will be at least vaguely interested in their grandkids. Most grandparents I work with are absolutely obsessed with them. Yes, they may have pets but the grandkids are Number 1.

When we told them DS had started smiling for example, their response was to inform us their puppy had started 'smiling'

Sorry but that’s hilarious, I don’t know how you didn’t burst out laughing!

In all seriousness, puppies are hard work, and personally I’m fascinated by the different developmental stages of different animals (and we are animals, like it or not), so I would probably compare too. It’s interesting to me.

However, it doesn’t sound like that’s why they do it. It could be that they’re just in love with their new pup and don’t realise how much they’re mentioning it. I’m a big believer in picking your battles though, and this just doesn’t seem like one worth having. Having some fun with it is a far better idea.

Are you breast feeding op? Include a mention of it in every conversation!!

Tell them you do not appreciate them comparing your baby to a bloody dog! Much as I adore mine, they’re not children, but they clearly smitten and love their dog, fair enough!

YABU

Just leave it?

Just start sending them photos of random cats instead.

Are they doing it deliberately to wind you up?

They sound dreadful. There is no comparison between a dog and a baby. Can’t be doing with people calling animals their “furbabies “ either.
I would call them out on it. Although maybe it’s no loss if you don’t bother to keep in touch with them. I wouldn’t .

Their way of trying to have a common shared experience with you. No harm in it. Just let them enjoy the puppy because it means they won't be trying to parent your baby.

I second @Tenbob advice! 😆 that would be good fun.

But on a serious note as it's clearly upsetting you, this would annoy me and I don't think YABU. I know people love their dogs/pets and think of them as family but I honestly cannot understand when people compare babies to dogs. People are entitled to like dogs more than babies however.

I would just limit my contact with them or failing that, get DH to be explicit in telling them you don't appreciate the comparisons

When my pils came to meet their grandchild for the first time, he was in neonatal. After 10 mins have getting an update etc. Fil said we must get back to our dog.

It was upsetting for dh but they are just not that into us or the DC

Sorry op, it's hard to accept they aren't into what your world is.

Whilst it’s been suggested that PIL might be mentioning their dog a lot because they are hinting that we may be talking about our DS too much - we try to vary the conversation as much as we reasonably can, and always ask after them. Though naturally as first time parents, discussing DS with his grandparents remains the main subject of the conversation.

We appreciate that drawing comparisons with their new dog is perhaps the main way they feel they can relate to DS, but being DH’s parents we have suggested to them a few times that they could make closer comparisons with their own experiences of raising him! DH plans to raise it with them if it happens again.

My IL compare our kids to their dogs regularly. DH joke about it but it winds me up.
“oh X loves sausages too”
“Yes, y does that too”
“Nappies are just like cleaning up your dog’s poo: it doesn’t bother you when it’s your own”

To be fair comparing your baby to DH may become wearing and make comparing to the puppy not quite so bad.

MIL would get DH’s red book out every time we said DS had done something and would then say it wasn’t possible if DS had done it before DH! Think she felt we were trying to say we were better parents than she was whenever we mentioned DS had done something. Which we weren’t we thought she would be interested and making conversation.

Given the choice, I would prefer other people's puppies to other people's babies. Every time.

It's not other people's babies though, it's their own grandchild

I can’t believe how many people are trying to justify their wacky behaviour. I have a 12 week old pup that I absolutely adore, that I’m obsessed and in love with. However, I also have my 2.5 year old child that I adore, and is...you know, human! I can have conversations with my child, to compare the dog to him would be insulting! Puppies are really lovely and develop personalities, but that doesn’t even compare to human intelligence on a rainy day 🤨

Yeah, no, this is all good advice. But end of day - your PiLs are just fuckin nuts. Definitely them not you. Waste no more headspace. Nuts.

God, I’m trying to give them a break here. I mean, they’re focussing on a child substitute. Or their lives are narrower because they’re aging. Or they’re attempting to relate. Or they’re congenitally insensitive to something or other.

…Nope. Can’t do it. It’s a fucking dog.

You’re not only being reasonable - you deserve an award of some sort.

They sound very odd to me. No doubt they will be boasting their puppy no longer wees in the house to outdo your baby.

Bloody crackpots. Very little emotional intelligence. Ignore.

Some people don't like babies and/or children very much - my Mother didn't.
May explain why they had a difficult relationship with their son.

See it as comical. They obviously love their grandchild and want to talk about their puppy who is now a major part of their lives.

Actually having a puppy can be somewhat like having a child. Also make no mistake they can quickly become just like one of the family and they are so easy to love. Cut them some slack. Does it really matter? Relax and chat to them about your baby and ask them about their puppy. It sounds as if bridges are still being made between you and the baby and their dog might well help.