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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU: PIL compare baby to dog

117 replies

Caritas · 11/07/2021 17:14

For several years, DH and I have endured a difficult relationship with his parents, including several months of no communication last year. However since the birth of our son (their first grandchild), who is now almost three months old, relations have significantly improved and they genuinely seem to care and be making an effort with him and us.

We've so far seen them three times since DS's birth, but video call weekly due to living a fair way from them. They've also recently acquired a new puppy which they dote on and treat like a child, and therein lies the issue. Every time we've called or seen them, they always draw comparisons between our baby and the dog, be it behaviour, sleepless nights or milestones, and often in ways to downplay our news. When we told them DS had started smiling for example, their response was to inform us their puppy had started 'smiling' Hmm. Every time we send them photos of their grandson, they respond with images of their puppy and saying how 'similar' they both are. MIL frequently refers to it as their second grandchild and DH's 'sibling', and how much she's looking forward to them 'growing up together'. They know that DH and I've never had any interest in dogs, so do not particularly appreciate these comparisons between our baby and an animal on a daily basis. DH has gently tried to hint this on several occasions, without wishing to offend them and cause a further rift, but so far without much success.

Would we BU to tell them of our dislike of these comparisons the next time it happens? I appreciate the dog means a lot to them, but would prefer not to have it given the same level of importance as their grandchild, every time we see them.

OP posts:
Earlydancing · 12/07/2021 01:53

@HappydaysArehere

See it as comical. They obviously love their grandchild and want to talk about their puppy who is now a major part of their lives. Actually having a puppy can be somewhat like having a child. Also make no mistake they can quickly become just like one of the family and they are so easy to love. Cut them some slack. Does it really matter? Relax and chat to them about your baby and ask them about their puppy. It sounds as if bridges are still being made between you and the baby and their dog might well help.
Well said.
CaledonianSleeper · 12/07/2021 01:56

Actually having a puppy can be somewhat like having a child
Yeah. No. It’s not. Grin

Earlydancing · 12/07/2021 02:25

I think it might be, except the pain's over a lot quicker. 😉

prawntoastie · 12/07/2021 02:48

I have a puppy who is like my child. All my animals are like my children but these people are weird. My puppy started to smile lol wtf

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 12/07/2021 02:50

YANBU

I'd be so pissed off and I'd have to confront them about their incessant need to rain on my parade.
Their behaviour is selfish, hurtful and quite stupid.

Objectively children & dogs do have a lot of similarities so that part I get.
But I'd be so sick of their competitiveness.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 12/07/2021 02:55

@ConsuelaHammock

I hate the phrase "fur babies"
🤢🤮
it makes me want to call my kids "skin pets"

Mrstreehouse · 12/07/2021 02:56

Dogs are not babies, no comparison. People that ‘baby’ their animals are doing them no favours and one of the reasons why there are some really badly behaved dogs out there sadly. I’d be annoyed too. They need to get a grip.

1forAll74 · 12/07/2021 03:25

I would think it quite funny that they tell you about milestones reached,with the new puppy, especially the puppy smiling.! I would leave them be, and just put up with their puppy photo's and comments. they spend a lot of time with the pup every day, and it fills their world at the moment, but does not mean that your baby is forgotten about at all.

Being as some stuff is via social media, it's easy to get carried away with things as such.

PerveenMistry · 12/07/2021 03:38

@1forAll74

I would think it quite funny that they tell you about milestones reached,with the new puppy, especially the puppy smiling.! I would leave them be, and just put up with their puppy photo's and comments. they spend a lot of time with the pup every day, and it fills their world at the moment, but does not mean that your baby is forgotten about at all.

Being as some stuff is via social media, it's easy to get carried away with things as such.

Agree.

Parents of young children need to keep in mind that many people are humoring/tolerating them, and extend the same courtesy to others.

PerveenMistry · 12/07/2021 03:42

@Caritas

Whilst it’s been suggested that PIL might be mentioning their dog a lot because they are hinting that we may be talking about our DS too much - we try to vary the conversation as much as we reasonably can, and always ask after them. Though naturally as first time parents, discussing DS with his grandparents remains the main subject of the conversation.

We appreciate that drawing comparisons with their new dog is perhaps the main way they feel they can relate to DS, but being DH’s parents we have suggested to them a few times that they could make closer comparisons with their own experiences of raising him! DH plans to raise it with them if it happens again.

And you'll seem like total twats.

It's not a competition. The polite thing to do is humor them. Just as many people who don't really care are probably politely tolerating updates about your PFB.

Cocogreen · 12/07/2021 04:01

Maybe they have absolutely nothing else to talk about and they have extremely boring lives? Sound a bit competitive too.
I'd just ignore it because but I do think they're demented for thinking a baby and a puppy are the same.
I'd stop the weekly videos too.
Once a fortnight would be enough for me.

HoppingPavlova · 12/07/2021 05:27

We appreciate that drawing comparisons with their new dog is perhaps the main way they feel they can relate to DS, but being DH’s parents we have suggested to them a few times that they could make closer comparisons with their own experiences of raising him

You do realise people don’t stay in baby/child mode forever? Chances are they can’t remember any of this stuff for DH so are trying their best to participate in the conversation and this seems the best way they can relate. I don’t think that’s something to get irate about and it all seems very PFB.

If I was asked about experiences with mine I would struggle to participate. For instance I couldn’t say exactly who walked when, who spoke when and if you asked me who smiled when I would think you had gone mad. I can sometimes remember relative to other things but often that’s not a great help. So if asked when x walked I could say ‘hmm, well, I remember when we went to ‘blah’ it was a real pain as we were lugging them around, that would have made them roughly 10 mths but when we went 2 years later we didn’t need a stroller, but y was causing dramas on that trip as all they would eat at that point was ‘blah’ which made life difficult, so I guess x must have been walking by then, so sometime between 10mths and 2 yrs?’. A few decades on, it’s not really an exciting conversation to have. The news about success with your puppies toilet training in the here and now would seem much more relevant to the situation and particularly if trying to share common ground. I would think that’s all that’s happening here.

I also suspect your PIL realise that a few decades on you also will have dim recollection of events that are precious to you right now, they just don’t want to piss on your parade and are trying their best to make it a two way conversation. As interesting as your baby is to you, and as much as they would live their grandchild, a one way conversation dominated by talk about the grandchild only is like sitting through a living death, even to grandparents.

Goinggoinggone12345 · 12/07/2021 06:19

YANBU and this would really annoy me.

If I was in this situation, the next time it happens I would laugh and say, 'Ah, I'm talking about the baby too much, aren't I? Anyway, moving on...' Suggesting that you're interpreting the dog comments as a rebuke (rather than the weird competitive thing they probably are). You never know, it might embarrass them enough to back off.

HellaChange · 12/07/2021 06:31

Is your DH an only child?
I was just thinking if he is - it could be something to do with DH now having a child, and being a father, so they feel 'childless' to some extent. And a puppy feels like it is giving them a chance to be parents again.

SlothinSpirit · 12/07/2021 06:49

Some crazy dog owners do this... all that "fur baby" rubbish!

Having said that, wait a couple of years and the similarities between your small boy and an overenthusiastic puppy will become obvious. Not because dogs are honorary "humans" but because toddlers are savage little beasts that need to be exercised daily if you don't want them to destroy your house Grin. Really, a warm snug kennel in the garden would be perfect for both of them (and indeed toddlers love snuggling with dogs in kennels so it's not like you'd be being cruel).

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 12/07/2021 07:45

I don't think that would bother me, I would just have a laugh to myself about it.

I wonder if this is annoying you so much because of the things that have happened in the past, or is it something like this, something silly that you didn't like and you started an argument about it before that made you all fall out?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 12/07/2021 08:03

it’s been suggested that PIL might be mentioning their dog a lot because they are hinting that we may be talking about our DS too much

This. And you're making a mountain out of a molehill.

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