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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU: PIL compare baby to dog

117 replies

Caritas · 11/07/2021 17:14

For several years, DH and I have endured a difficult relationship with his parents, including several months of no communication last year. However since the birth of our son (their first grandchild), who is now almost three months old, relations have significantly improved and they genuinely seem to care and be making an effort with him and us.

We've so far seen them three times since DS's birth, but video call weekly due to living a fair way from them. They've also recently acquired a new puppy which they dote on and treat like a child, and therein lies the issue. Every time we've called or seen them, they always draw comparisons between our baby and the dog, be it behaviour, sleepless nights or milestones, and often in ways to downplay our news. When we told them DS had started smiling for example, their response was to inform us their puppy had started 'smiling' Hmm. Every time we send them photos of their grandson, they respond with images of their puppy and saying how 'similar' they both are. MIL frequently refers to it as their second grandchild and DH's 'sibling', and how much she's looking forward to them 'growing up together'. They know that DH and I've never had any interest in dogs, so do not particularly appreciate these comparisons between our baby and an animal on a daily basis. DH has gently tried to hint this on several occasions, without wishing to offend them and cause a further rift, but so far without much success.

Would we BU to tell them of our dislike of these comparisons the next time it happens? I appreciate the dog means a lot to them, but would prefer not to have it given the same level of importance as their grandchild, every time we see them.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 11/07/2021 18:06

@Barbie222

Are you thinking maybe they're trying to hint you talk about the baby to the exclusion of everything else? With some branches of my family that's the way this would be communicated. Not nice though.
This was my thought too.

I have a friend who doesn't 'get' social cues that she's gone a bit over the top talking about a particular subject. Usually her house or dog etc. Sometimes I use distraction topics with her.

Babygotblueyes · 11/07/2021 18:08

I get lots of people find their babies endlessly fascinating but it can be quite boring from the other side, being expected to sit passively while new parents bang on and on. I think they are trying to bond by sharing what seem like similar experiences to them.

Tiari · 11/07/2021 18:11

This isn't right, this is their first grandchild and they should be over the moon, never mind a dog.

We have what we jokingly call "our grandcats" because DD is devoted to them but when/if she ever has children, they will come first with us and "grandcats" relegated.

YANBU

barbrahunter · 11/07/2021 18:12

They're idiots. Can't you go lower contact with them?

FurryGiraffe · 11/07/2021 18:13

My MIL is a childminder and used to quiz us endlessly about the DSs' development/what they'd done at nursery, and then compare it negatively with one or other of the children she looks after. It was very odd.

saraclara · 11/07/2021 18:13

@SamMil

Sounds like they're just excited about their puppy. It doesn't take away from your baby. You might find it a bit much, but sometimes you just have to smile and nod, rather than being upset over something minor.
Yep. I know many people of my generation (grandparents) who've gone puppy mad. Sometimes a grandbaby can even generate it. They suddenly remember how lovely it is to have a small being to care for. A puppy fills that need, and especially later in life, having a dog is great company.

My friends in that position still adore their grandkids though. Yours are just caught up in the novelty, OP. Once the dog is grown and settled they'll calm down.

Caritas · 11/07/2021 18:15

Thank you all for your replies and advice! @Tenbob that sounds like a great idea, especially as their puppy seems to have more toys than DS Shock!

Though I appreciate the puppy means a lot to them, placing it on the same level of importance as their first grandchild and drawing comparisons between the two (often done in a manner to outweigh the precious moments we've shared with DS) has never sat right with us. Then again, perhaps this is because I've never understood or particularly liked the fairly recent phenomenon of placing animals on the same level of as humans.

OP posts:
Tiari · 11/07/2021 18:16

Caritas completely agree with you

5foot5 · 11/07/2021 18:16

Don't take it too much to heart as I am sure things will improve. In all honesty other people's babies are not always very interesting but once he starts to turn in to a little person and can walk and talk and do other stuff a dog can't I am sure they will take more notice

TinselAngel · 11/07/2021 18:17

@SleepingStandingUp

frequently refers to it as their second grandchild and DH's 'sibling how is that physically possible? I don't mean inter species stuff, I mean their grandchild and their child's sibling?
This is an excellent point, the dog is clearly the baby's Uncle.
StMarysKettle · 11/07/2021 18:18

Do you ever show any interest in their puppy without being prompted? Or are they doing it as a hint that small babies actually aren't very interesting and you're a little self absorbed

TinselAngel · 11/07/2021 18:18

Or Auntie of course

Cloudninenine · 11/07/2021 18:19

People are daft about their pets. I wouldn’t push back - it will just cause a fight. Just smile and nod and don’t let it get to you.

Cloudninenine · 11/07/2021 18:19

This is an excellent point, the dog is clearly the baby's Uncle.

GrinGrinGrin

Howshouldibehave · 11/07/2021 18:20

@CommunistLegoBloc

They're excited about their puppy, you're excited about your baby. No one is wrong.
This!
Tiari · 11/07/2021 18:20

In all honesty other people's babies are not always very interesting

But this isn't other people's babies, it's their own grandchild.!!!??

SleepingStandingUp · 11/07/2021 18:21

@Tiari

In all honesty other people's babies are not always very interesting

But this isn't other people's babies, it's their own grandchild.!!!??

But this is MN where no one cares about their niblings or grandchildren, only the direct offshoots
elevenses75 · 11/07/2021 18:22

My mum compares my 10 year old asd son to her 8 year old dog - (dog has lots of problems) bucket emptying etc sometimes I get really pissed off with her as my son is a person but she doesn’t mean it in a negative way. She is simply trying to rationalise things in her own head as I don’t think she understands my son and how I deal with him, which are things she’d never do with a child or dog. Sounds mad reading it back. But her heart is in the right place at the end of the day. Her dogs are her life, she adores them and they give her something to do,

FuzzyPuffling · 11/07/2021 18:22

Well, I'm not that keen on either dogs or babies, but if it was a kitten...

Earlydancing · 11/07/2021 18:23

My friend got a grandchild and a puppy around about the same time. She adores her GC who lives 300 miles away, but she couldn't live without her dog. And I know which one I prefer being shown pictures of. 😄 It's not that people think their dog is more important than a close relation (defo think it's more important than a random stranger 😉 ), it's just that the animal plays a huge role in their lives, and they want people to, and can't believe that people dont, love them as much as they do. Like you say, you don't like animals so it's difficult to understand. Hope it gets better.

Weebleweeble · 11/07/2021 18:23

My work colleague had a new puppy and had to get up in the night to comfort it at first - so she then felt she knew what it was like with a new baby - I've had 2 babies ........ and just left her in her ignorance.
People worship their animals. Let them get on with it.

Tiari · 11/07/2021 18:31

But this is MN where no one cares about their niblings or grandchildren, only the direct offshoots

Oh I see, I stand corrected Wink

SometimesIFeedTheSparrows · 11/07/2021 18:32

Their baby might be walking already but I reckon yours will thrash it at talking.

Tiari · 11/07/2021 18:33

Grandkids first, pets second, in my book.

Earlydancing · 11/07/2021 18:34

@SometimesIFeedTheSparrows

Their baby might be walking already but I reckon yours will thrash it at talking.
I dunno. Mine loves the sound of his own voice. 😄
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