Piercing a 2yr olds ears..

[Thelogicescapesme]

It's not a cultural thing in this case, more so the toddler is being treat like a fashion accessory. Mum had it done because mum thinks it's "pretty and girly"

As an adult whom has had to have two piercings surgically removed and antibiotics for complications post procedure I think it's fucking bonkers that anybody would inflict it on a small child.

AIBU and what are your thoughts?

@Cavalierqueen

I had my ears pinned back when I was 7. I begged my parents from the day I started school and got bullied. Should I be suing them now?

It is a bit different though. I don't know any children whove been bullied for not having their ears pierced. Getting yours pinned back prevented you from future bullying which could have led to trauma, mental health issues or physical issued if it progressed.

This thread is giving me trauma. I'm out now, on call shift ending so go go out and be around real people

Firstly, we don't ask their consent for vaccinations, for example.

You... You can't be seriously comparing life saving vaccines, to earrings?

there's a good chance the child did give their consent.

Again, you can't be serious? You think a child can give consent? Would you deem them gillick competent?
Would you let them get a tattoo if they could "consent" (in your eyes)? What about shave their head? Go out naked?

@Whogotdakeystomabeamer

Firstly, we don't ask their consent for vaccinations, for example.

You... You can't be seriously comparing life saving vaccines, to earrings?

there's a good chance the child did give their consent.

Again, you can't be serious? You think a child can give consent? Would you deem them gillick competent?
Would you let them get a tattoo if they could "consent" (in your eyes)? What about shave their head? Go out naked?

So what age can children get earrings then? 13? 16? 18?

ObviousNameChage

I think if a child is deemed Gillick competent then they could have their ears pierced. So 13+.

It's hard because we are told we can consent to sex at 16, we can consent to lottery tickets at 16, smoking and drinking at 18, marriage at 18 etc.
I personally don't know all the reasons why the above ages have been decided and tbh, I don't really question it. Do I think 16 yr old is better prepared for parenthood than a 15 yr old? No.

There isn't an accepted age limit around piercing and never has been (as long as I'm aware) so the idea of imposing one will obviously be met with backlash and reasons why.

Should it be that you can't get pierced until you've stopped growing so the holes don't go wonky (it happens...but I also think ears might never stop growing? That could be a lie).

I have no idea. It's all down to personal perspectives. I personally don't agree with it but I wouldn't say anything to some who disagrees with me.

@Cavalierqueen

There are two groups on this thread. Half in actual angst over a theoretical situation which they don't have to do if they don't want to and the rest just being highly amused by the hysterical ones. I love these threads, they are an absolute hoot!

Bless you. For someone who doesn't care you're mightily invested in this thread.

@LittleBlackCat22 me too. There wasn't all the handwringing and angst about everything then though. It is totally normal in my family to have pierced ears and I had them done. They didn't look "tacky" or "common". I've never suffered any ill consequences from it and really like earrings now.

I've been sat in a tiny room on call for 8 hours. As I said, I'm off out to live in the real world now but thanks for the chuckles..

@Cavalierqueen

I've been sat in a tiny room on call for 8 hours. As I said, I'm off out to live in the real world now but thanks for the chuckles..

Blimey poor you if this is your idea of funny

I have little flower earring they were lovely

Wore little bangles to which to some are very common 🙄

My parents pierced my ears when I was a baby. I haven’t grown up to think I’ve been abused. Nor has any of my family/friends who also got pierced young.

I think it’s down to each parent. But no parent should be called an abuser for piercing their children’s ears, it’s incredibly extreme. I wouldn’t put a parent who’s pierced their child’s ears in the same bracket as a parent who uses their hands on their child.

The fact that it’s legal in the UK kinda proves it isn’t abuse.

So we've got a wheelchairs Vs pushchair thread and a couple of ear piercings threads on the go at the moment. All were missing is a live parking thread or a cancel the cheque type thread and we've reached peak Mumsnet!

Oh and maybe a parent parking thread to top it off?

@LibbyL92

My parents pierced my ears when I was a baby. I haven’t grown up to think I’ve been abused. Nor has any of my family/friends who also got pierced young.

I think it’s down to each parent. But no parent should be called an abuser for piercing their children’s ears, it’s incredibly extreme. I wouldn’t put a parent who’s pierced their child’s ears in the same bracket as a parent who uses their hands on their child.

The fact that it’s legal in the UK kinda proves it isn’t abuse.

Smacking isn't illegal either

Ignore those calling parents abusers for allowing their children to have their ears pierced

It’s a lack of understanding what child abuse is and throwing the term around in such a way is stupid

@Biancadelrioisback

Oh and maybe a parent parking thread to top it off?

There's one of those as well

Oh really? Off to look

I've had quite a few piercings. The only ones that give me trouble are my ear lobes which were done with a Claire's accessories gun many years ago.

Grim regardless of culture. I don't believe abusing children should be acceptable in any culture.

The fact that it’s legal in the UK kinda proves it isn’t abuse.

Smacking children is legal but that doesn't mean we should condone it.

Ignore those calling parents abusers for allowing their children to have their ears pierced. It’s a lack of understanding what child abuse is and throwing the term around in such a way is stupid

I know very well what child abuse is, thanks, having been subject to it in various forms. It is a sliding scale and as a PP said we shouldn't discount the supposed 'lesser' forms of it.

There are plenty of people who swear blind that being smacked as a child "never did them any harm"

..so does this mean we should accept hitting children as an acceptable form of punishment and/or communication? No.

Just because we can do something without being prosecuted for it doesn't mean it's ok or that we should.

These days, if I'm recalling correctly, smacking is no longer legal if a mark is left? Well piercing holes don't go away, as I can testify to having several myself.

Abuse is defined as any action that intentionally harms or injures another person. ... In short, someone who purposefully harms another in any way is committing abuse.

What is jamming metal into a small child's skin for aesthetic purposes if not abusive?

If the child's old enough to

a) verbally consent

and b) be shown how to look after it, and can take over the wound care under appropriate supervision,

then yes.

If this is being done to a young baby, then no - it's being done to fulfill the parent's wish, not the child's.

I don't think even a child being able to ask or plead for it to be done, is a reasonable excuse. Children ask and plead for lots of things which we have to say no to on the grounds of health, safety etc. I admit to thinking it looks tacky, but that is not what makes me cringe. I see lots tacky things everyday but in terms of dress etc on the whole, think each to their own. Inflicting pain and risk of injury and infection, purely for vanity of either the small child or their parent, is abhorrent to me.

It's funny reading all the wide variations of opinions on this. I had a conversation about this just recently with my partner and his mum. I had suggested getting our l.os ears pierced around age 5/6 and they were both absolutely horrified at this suggestion - I had mine done around the same age and just thought this was normal Ultimately, we decided she can have them pierced when she's old enough to fully consent.

Reading all the answers on here did get me thinking about the cruelty aspect of it - I still remember the pain!! And that I was willing to put her through that because I thought she should have it done and that, really, I was doing it more for myself than I was for her.

So I agree OP, I now think it is actually a selfish thing to do, but perhaps the l.os mum hasn't actually stopped to consider this herself? I know I hadn't - I just thought it was the norm.

My dad got my daughters done on a day out with my sister when she was 6…

To be fair she looked after them herself and had no problems. She was very militant about cleaning them every morning and night.