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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s ok that my sister collects her kids that have been exposed to covid?

142 replies

TableFlowerss · 09/07/2021 23:25

My sister and ex bil have a fantastic relationship and share access between 3 kids 8, 13, 14 about 50:50. Works brilliantly, has done for years. Kids thriving, patents get on really well.

Kids were with dad since Saturday. Dad started feeling unwell Monday so got tested and he has covid. So kids are with dad at the min self isolating, so my DSIS can’t physically see them. She’s dropped stuff off like food, but keeps her distance and drops it off at the gate and talks through the window and uses face time.

Kids are fine generally, although a bit bored. Stil happy to be off school though!

She’s really missing them though an is struggling not being able to hug them etc…. She said she doesn’t give a shit about covid and she’s going fo collect them tomorrow as they’re bored shitless at dads house as poor sod is still having fo work do can’t entertain them.

She will self isolate and her DH will have to as well, but she’s not bothered as she just wants to hug her kids and can’t wait until next Saturday to see them properly and cuddle and give them kisses.

Her DH thinks she’s being silly, but I can totally see her point of view. She will isolate but she’ll have to be off work next week but so what?

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Scottishskifun · 10/07/2021 09:00

@Morgan12

She doesn't need to isolate. Her DH doesn't need to isolate.

The kids do.

She is also allowed to collect them.

Wrong kids are systomatic so if she moves them to her house they will be close contacts and need to self isolate.

Realistically the kids should be tested but if not and showing symptoms then you have to presume they are positive and follow the info from that rather than close contacts

Saoirse82 · 10/07/2021 09:00

35 year old friend ended up in hospital for 3 weeks with covid (size 8, no underlying health conditions) she'd be bonkers to collect the kids. And what about her DH? It seems incredibly selfish of her to expose him to it when he's against it. Also its the risk of long covid above anything else. It would be a terrible thing to put upon the kids if someone ended up seriously affected by it. She needs to wait til their isolation period is up.

Nononsense2 · 10/07/2021 09:02

That's a ridiculous idea, only prolonging the time that the kids have to be stuck isolating, since it would take longer for her to finish the isolation period. She should leave them with Dad unless the kids test negative and then she does not have to isolate.

Northernsoullover · 10/07/2021 09:03

I can't believe people would be this stupid. It's 10 days isolation from exposure. So if she picked them up today it's 10 days isolation from TODAY. It sounds like they have it. Their isolation restarts from symptom onset. Therefore if their symptoms started 3 days after dad's they have 10 days from that date. You only do ten days from index case exposure isolation start date if you remain symptom free.
If she insists and I were her DH I'd look at trying to find somewhere else to stay for 3 weeks.

LizJamIsFab · 10/07/2021 09:08

The isolation starts from when the last child starts to display symptoms.

If it’s no inconvenience to anyone for her and DH to be working from home and they are both vaccinated then fine.

If they become ill and then one of the kids didn’t get it at Dads but then get it at Mums, then it all gets stretched over a longer period.

I’d say just wait out the days, drop them over things to do!

Lifeispassingby · 10/07/2021 09:08

@Morgan12 she and her Dh DO need to isolate as the kids now have symptoms of covid so if she collects then they will need to isolate for 10days from the day she collects them

MadeForThis · 10/07/2021 09:11

I bet when the kids isolation is up they will want to return to their dads so they can go about their normal activities. She'll end up only seeing them for a few days.

If they do stay it's selfish to confine them for an extra period just because she couldn't wait a few days.

The kids seem happy and cared for at their dads. Leave them there.

He might be happy for them to stay with her for a couple of weeks to give him some rest once isolation is over. Suggest that instead.

Unsure33 · 10/07/2021 09:15

I can’t believe you don’t realise how random this virus is. I know someone in 40s no health problems and slim that was in hospital for over three months. That would not be good for her children would it ?

walkoflifewoohoo · 10/07/2021 09:23

God. The drama over hugging a 14 year old. Just wait until Saturday

AlexaShutUp · 10/07/2021 09:31

Crazy. We'll never be out of this pandemic if people keep doing stuff like this. It sounds like the kids are fine with their dad. Why risk spreading it to another household if you don't have to. How would she feel if her dh ended up with debilitating long covid?

Lovemusic33 · 10/07/2021 09:32

The kids are fine so she should just ride it out, they only need to be there for a few more days? I would leave them there until they have finished the ten day isolation and have taken covid tests.

TalkingOutYerArse · 10/07/2021 09:32

As hard as it is for her, she should leave them and only consider taking them if the ex is unable to cope. Maybe she can then have them for the same amount of time theyve been in isolation when that time comes? Give the ex a break if he wants/needs it?

MilduraS · 10/07/2021 09:38

I think it would be a foolish decision. She can't predict how it will affect her or her DH. My slim, healthy colleague ended up in hospital with it. Not quite life threatening but serious enough to keep her in there for 2 weeks because she was struggling to breathe. It was a very scary experience.

Jent13c · 10/07/2021 09:42

Your sister is selfish. The only thing that is making her uncomfortable is her need to hug the kids. The kids are fine, their dad is fine, they just have to ride it out together.

Fwiw last week I had a perfectly healthy guy in his 30s with a sports based job requiring 8 litres of oxygen last week. Normally someone with that requirement would get high dependency care. Covid pressures meant that didn't happen.

ICECream821 · 10/07/2021 09:44

I agree the kids should stay at their Dad’s. If they’re showing symptoms then they need to isolate.

All those people mentioning their ill friends in hospital are they/were they vaccinated ?

Original poster
TableFlowerss · 10/07/2021 09:45

@vdbfamily

We are heading into a period of time when lots of people are positive and isolating and lots of others are track and traced for having been exposed. This will have a massive impact on the countries workforce and unless your sister works from home I think this is actually fraudulent to have 10 days off work that was potentially avoidable. If I was her employer, I would not be impressed.
Good job she doesn’t work then! 🤣
OP posts:
DrinkFeckArseBrick · 10/07/2021 09:46

She is mad. Covid is highly transmissable and kids are likely to be asymptomatic. She doesnt give a shit about covid but her husband might and she has basically agreed to go hug children with covid so she is going to get it. Then she is going to have to isolate and they are too, for 10 days so tbey will be off school even longer

ittakes2 · 10/07/2021 09:46

The day she sees her kids if they have covid triggers her and her hubby staying home for 10 days because they have come in contact with positive covid cases.
For the sake of a few days she has given little thought to how it would mean she can't work during that period. A lot of employers pay their staff for isolating - but even if her employer doesn't its pretty shit of her to deliberately trigger an isolation period and put more stress on the other staff so she can hug her kids a bit sooner. Presumably she uses her pay to pay for her children's expenses - I would be pretty pissed off if I was her employer.

bellabasset · 10/07/2021 09:47

My friend's ds at 16 had a mild dose of covid, his 18 yr db was positive 2 days later, 3days later she was positive. Both she and the older ds were unwell with it. She was fully vaccinated and is slim, fit, swims, cycles and runs.

Andrew Marr confirmed he'd been unwell with covid despite having both vaccinations. So your dsis needs to be realistic about catching covid, even vaccinated she and her dh could still be unwell.

OnTheBrink1 · 10/07/2021 09:48

The thing is, she will probably just be extending their isolation time by collecting them? If they are positive and come back to her house, pass it to your sister and she is positive then the isolation restarts all over for them!!? Another 10 days in for them making 20 days!

Original poster
TableFlowerss · 10/07/2021 09:50

@Blindstupid

As the kids are now symptomatic they must be tested. Then the self isolation starts again for them and their dad. So quarantine is now even longer for all involved.

No your sister should not pick them up given that dad has Covid and kids are symptomatic. Ffs …. We’re trying to minimise the spread of Covid, not have fkin Covid parties 🙄

I don’t think that’s true. You don’t have to get them tested. From what we’ve been reading on the NHS website they’ve just got to isolate, which they are doing.

Also, they’re her kids not her mates with your FFS and it makes no odds to anyone else as they’d self isolate anyway….

Lastly she’s going to leave them with their dad. She’s decided against picking them up, more so because she doesn’t want them cooped up stuck in longer than necessary.

OP posts:
ittakes2 · 10/07/2021 09:50

Your OP implies she does work 'Her DH thinks she’s being silly, but I can totally see her point of view. She will isolate but she’ll have to be off work next week but so what?'

and in your last post you have said she doesn't work.

Are you regretting exposing that she works and will be committing fraud or by 'work' in your original OP do you mean something else?

MRex · 10/07/2021 09:51

The kids are supposed to be tested and then to isolate for 10 days from when their symptoms started, not just from when dad's symptoms started. As long as she and her DH are happy to isolate and risk catching covid, they can legally collect the kids, it is left up to parents to agree. You didn't say if the adults have been jabbed; if they're all double dosed 4+ weeks ago then it's reasonable, but a bit daft TBH if not.

WombatChocolate · 10/07/2021 09:52

Why haven’t they been tested if showing symptoms? Seems first step.

Original poster
TableFlowerss · 10/07/2021 09:53

@EarringsandLipstick

Why haven't the DC been tested as they are symptomatic?
Because they don’t need to be. They just have to isolate for another 10 days from when they’re symptoms started, so it basically starts again.

Having a positive test doesn’t tell you when you actually got covid, so it says you isolate from the day your symptoms started. So the kids will isolate for a few days longer than their dad but obviously they’d dad will still be with them.

OP posts: