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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s ok that my sister collects her kids that have been exposed to covid?

142 replies

TableFlowerss · 09/07/2021 23:25

My sister and ex bil have a fantastic relationship and share access between 3 kids 8, 13, 14 about 50:50. Works brilliantly, has done for years. Kids thriving, patents get on really well.

Kids were with dad since Saturday. Dad started feeling unwell Monday so got tested and he has covid. So kids are with dad at the min self isolating, so my DSIS can’t physically see them. She’s dropped stuff off like food, but keeps her distance and drops it off at the gate and talks through the window and uses face time.

Kids are fine generally, although a bit bored. Stil happy to be off school though!

She’s really missing them though an is struggling not being able to hug them etc…. She said she doesn’t give a shit about covid and she’s going fo collect them tomorrow as they’re bored shitless at dads house as poor sod is still having fo work do can’t entertain them.

She will self isolate and her DH will have to as well, but she’s not bothered as she just wants to hug her kids and can’t wait until next Saturday to see them properly and cuddle and give them kisses.

Her DH thinks she’s being silly, but I can totally see her point of view. She will isolate but she’ll have to be off work next week but so what?

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Mulhollandmagoo · 10/07/2021 07:46

Your sister would need to isolate for 10 days following her positive test, so it's likely she'll need to isolate for longer that, and not just take next week off work, I think she should leave them with their dad until their isolation period is over. I'd hate it too though

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 10/07/2021 07:51

Mad idea. If they have symptoms they should have tested and isolated with their dad.
Bringing them home means a new ten day period of isolation for them, possibly longer if the adults catch it.
Makes no sense whatsoever.

Kakey1294129 · 10/07/2021 08:07

If my son was at his dads and this happened I would absolutely collect him. Even if it did mean isolation. My son wouldn't cope with 10 days away from home but he is autistic so that makes the difference. His dad couldn't handle him for so long.

EmbarrassingAdmissions · 10/07/2021 08:18

DSIS isn’t fussed about getting them tested, as they’ve clearly got a cough so it’s highly likely they’ve got it.

I'm sympathetic but I agree with this:

But if they have symptoms, she should get them tested as it could help their future medical records.

Agreed. Future potential diagnoses and even just data collection and analysis may depend upon recording a probable infection.

AnyOldPrion · 10/07/2021 08:21

Picking them up as soon as the positive was confirmed might have been reasonable. It could have been argued that it was reducing their chance of contracting it, and helping their dad, who was ill.

Now they have been thoroughly exposed and are symptomatic, picking them up is selfish and stupid.

What if she or her DH contract COVID and end up hospitalised? They would then be placing medical staff at risk, which would have been entirely avoidable. There are other unpredictable circumstances which might put others at risk, for example if the car breaks down on the way.

They are safe where they are. Moving them is daft.

MattyGroves · 10/07/2021 08:23

She is being ridiculous. There is no reason to spread the virus further because she can't go another few days without cuddling an 8 year old

Seesawmummadaw · 10/07/2021 08:27

She’s being really irresponsible. They are/should be isolating.

Hallyup6 · 10/07/2021 08:27

So the kids are stuck at home with dad who's got covid. Kids are showing symptoms. Mum wants to collect symptomatic kids.

I understand her frustration but what's going to happen next? Mum's going to get covid and they're going to be stuck at home with a poorly mum and in isolation for longer.

Honestly, I'd just try and ride this one out. The children are safe and happy, only a bit bored. They'll be bored for longer if they have to stay in with mum once they go to her house.

PoliteNotice · 10/07/2021 08:29

@TheReluctantPhoenix

Up to her, I think.

If they were living together, she would be exposed, so no worse. They are a childcare ‘bubble’.

It's not just up to her. She lives with another person, her husband who is now going to need to isolate and potentially catch Covid. That's a big ask of someone and he deserves to be considered!

I'd be really pissed off actually if my husband just decided it was 'up to him' knowing it meant I'd need to isolate and could very well catch it myself.

Seesawmummadaw · 10/07/2021 08:29

The first lockdown my children spent at a relatives because my job put me at in increased risk. I missed them like crazy but at the time it was the right thing to do. We did their birthdays through a window.
She can cope for a few days.

Katy4321 · 10/07/2021 08:29

Seeing some messages here about it being surprising that not all members of a household get covid. This could happen for a number of reasons, but one is that you are generally exposed to a household member at the very early stage of their infection when they release a very small amount of virus particles, giving your body has a chance to react and keep up with it. I remember a virologist talk i went to years ago (i was working in that field at the time) saying not to do things like sending children to chicken pox parties, as they will be potentially exposed to a sudden high dose of the the virus and may end up more poorly.
Based on this Op i would suggest they get the kids tested and she and her husband hold out for the isolation period.

Blindstupid · 10/07/2021 08:31

As the kids are now symptomatic they must be tested. Then the self isolation starts again for them and their dad. So quarantine is now even longer for all involved.

No your sister should not pick them up given that dad has Covid and kids are symptomatic. Ffs …. We’re trying to minimise the spread of Covid, not have fkin Covid parties 🙄

MrsWhites · 10/07/2021 08:33

I can see why your sister wants to collect her children, she must be missing them terribly but I think she needs to leave them with Dad until they complete their isolation next weekend.

If she collected them today, her and her DH would need to isolate for 10 days from today, i.e. when they were exposed, not just until the children finish their isolation.

Original poster
TableFlowerss · 10/07/2021 08:35

Not spoken to her yet, but I agree with most on here. Seems a bit pointless and got the sake of another few days.

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 10/07/2021 08:35

I don't see a problem with your sister getting children and then that household isolating

if they get sick it'll be fine, if they need hospital treatment it'll be fine - but of course then she or her dh could be in for a while and not see children or hug them - so thats a risk she takes, a few days now or the risk of say 3 weeks later

Marianicka · 10/07/2021 08:36

She is being ridiculous. She will need to isolate for ten days because of the contact and then if she catches it, potentially ten days more, so she could be off work and stuck in the house for another three weeks! Same for her DP

Also there is the chance that either she or her partner could get really poorly.

I can see that she misses the children but the whole aim of isolation is to break the chain and minimise people being exposed to the virus. It is not as if they are tiny or with someone who can't care for them.

newnortherner111 · 10/07/2021 08:37

I think leave them at their dad's. Teenagers are probably not fussed to have a few days without hugging in any case.

Hopdathelf · 10/07/2021 08:41

if they get sick it'll be fine, if they need hospital treatment it'll be fine

Thank god everyone doesn’t think in this feckless way or the NHS would be at collapse point again.

Itsraimy · 10/07/2021 08:43

She’s being totally ridiculous, what if her DH gets it and is really sick. Also, isolation is supposed to start from the moment the kids developed symptoms not when their dad did. Confused

Scottishskifun · 10/07/2021 08:46

Sorry but your sister is being foolish and will prolonge her childrens boredom as if her or her DH then test positive the entire household is on a 10 day isolation!

As for the she's 38 size 10 yeah she shouldn't presume how it will effect her I was 34 when I caught covid walked several miles a day, paddleboarding twice a week and hill walking several times a month size 10. Didn't mean shit I'm still here with long covid 3 months later building up my ability to walk and still off work. BTW women mid 30s plus are most likely to end up with long covid which is a lovely fact to consider.

It's a stupid roulette to play for the sake of a hug and a extra week!

vdbfamily · 10/07/2021 08:47

We are heading into a period of time when lots of people are positive and isolating and lots of others are track and traced for having been exposed. This will have a massive impact on the countries workforce and unless your sister works from home I think this is actually fraudulent to have 10 days off work that was potentially avoidable. If I was her employer, I would not be impressed.

Terhou · 10/07/2021 08:48

She’s 38, a size 10 with no underlying health conditions. Never had a chest infection in her life

None of that makes her immune from serious effects including long Covid.

EarringsandLipstick · 10/07/2021 08:53

Why haven't the DC been tested as they are symptomatic?

Morgan12 · 10/07/2021 08:57

She doesn't need to isolate. Her DH doesn't need to isolate.

The kids do.

She is also allowed to collect them.

KateTheEighth · 10/07/2021 08:58

Your sister is being ridiculous and selfish

She's needlessly restarting the clock (and also risking further spread)