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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it’s ok that my sister collects her kids that have been exposed to covid?

142 replies

TableFlowerss · 09/07/2021 23:25

My sister and ex bil have a fantastic relationship and share access between 3 kids 8, 13, 14 about 50:50. Works brilliantly, has done for years. Kids thriving, patents get on really well.

Kids were with dad since Saturday. Dad started feeling unwell Monday so got tested and he has covid. So kids are with dad at the min self isolating, so my DSIS can’t physically see them. She’s dropped stuff off like food, but keeps her distance and drops it off at the gate and talks through the window and uses face time.

Kids are fine generally, although a bit bored. Stil happy to be off school though!

She’s really missing them though an is struggling not being able to hug them etc…. She said she doesn’t give a shit about covid and she’s going fo collect them tomorrow as they’re bored shitless at dads house as poor sod is still having fo work do can’t entertain them.

She will self isolate and her DH will have to as well, but she’s not bothered as she just wants to hug her kids and can’t wait until next Saturday to see them properly and cuddle and give them kisses.

Her DH thinks she’s being silly, but I can totally see her point of view. She will isolate but she’ll have to be off work next week but so what?

Thoughts?

OP posts:
maddening · 10/07/2021 00:52

If she picked them up with symptoms then she would have to isolate from the day she picks them up, not just finish their isolation.

Nancydrawn · 10/07/2021 02:25

Such a daft idea. The point of isolation is to keep infections from spreading. They're perfectly safe, with a competent parent who is relatively well.

Why in the world would she go take them out of isolation? If he were really ill or a shit dad, then of course. But as it stands, it's irresponsible (healthy 38 year olds get sick too--and even if she weren't deathly ill, she might be really sick and then she'd have to drag herself around while sick with something that feels like a four-day flu).

Hotelhelp · 10/07/2021 02:41

I’d leave them I think just to try and minimise the risk of spreading it beyond myself.

Is it you OP? Just the way you’re writing it sounds like an ‘asking for a friend’ type thing.

Choconuttolata · 10/07/2021 02:41

I think they should stay with their Dad. They will be isolating with her for longer if too young to go out on their own as her 10 days will start from point of contact then continue if she becomes symptomatic for another 10 days.

Also being healthy and relatively young doesn't mean you can't get ill from Covid. I have been unable to work since December due to post Covid symptoms and was not hospitalised and didn't have pneumonia or a chest infection. My husband was hospitalised and is also still unwell.

Micemakingclothes · 10/07/2021 02:48

If dad and the kids are managing, I don’t see why it makes any sense to spread the virus to mom and stepdad. If dad isn’t managing, my first thought would be for mom to go to his home and help with the kids there. It’s unconventional, but it sounds like they have a good co-parenting relationship and it would minimize spread.

FishfingerFlinger · 10/07/2021 03:10

I hate to be the ‘long covid’ person but having had my long term health wrecked from a ‘mild’ infection last year I would be doing whatever I reasonably could to avoid a likely infection.

ChocOrange1 · 10/07/2021 04:47

They’ve not been tested but it would be impossible that they wouldn’t get it

This is incorrect. There is lots of evidence of people living with a positive case (even sleeping in the same bed etc.) And not catching it.

Why doesn't she get the kids tested, it might turn out they don't even have it and could come home and just self isolate from there.

Saltyslug · 10/07/2021 06:13

Your sister hasn’t thought it through properly.

leave them with dad. Dad only needs to get through till Thursday and they can return home Thursday if kids don’t have covid.

However if any of the kids have covid they are likely to need to isolate at dads till next weekend.

If the kids move back home now with covid they will still need to isolate till the weekend but sister and partner will need to isolate for 10 days. So the kids in effect will still be stuck at home and isolation periods could be elongated even further if another child in the family gets covid from sister.

The transition rate seems to be about 50% in my experience.

Saltyslug · 10/07/2021 06:15

f the kids move back home now with covid they will still need to isolate till the weekend but sister and partner will need to isolate for 10 days IF THEY GET COVID. So the kids in effect will still be stuck at home and then isolation periods could be elongated even further if another child in the family gets covid from sister right at end.

MouldyPotato · 10/07/2021 06:16

@PoliteNotice

Her DH works from home

It's not just about his work. He still risks himself catching Covid for the sake of a week. He does deserve the courtesy of being involved in the decision I think.

I agree. DH should have some say here. Why expose him to potential covid unless it's essential? She could offer to move in and isolate there?
MouldyPotato · 10/07/2021 06:18

Killing their stepdad won't be good for them really.

Saltyslug · 10/07/2021 06:18

Yes her DHs wishes are important and hold weight. He’s being sensible.

lurker69 · 10/07/2021 06:32

she should wait, there is a good chance that the adults wont get it badly but what if they do, what if they end up in hospital or get long covid or die. it doesn't seem worth the risk for a few days to me for everyone's sake, putting herself at risk for a hug or because the kids are bored isn't a good enough reason to almost deliberately catch it when you don't know what the consequences could be imo.

eurochick · 10/07/2021 06:32

Surely it's better that she can check on them, bring shopping etc while they are at their dad's than have both parents and the step dad all stuck in their houses isolating?

Blueskytoday06 · 10/07/2021 06:35

Does she want time off work ?

emilyfrost · 10/07/2021 06:39

She’s being ridiculous. She can’t go a week without desperately wanting to hug her kids? They’re not toddlers - how is she going to cope when they’re off to uni in a few years?

She needs to take a step back.

Hopdathelf · 10/07/2021 06:41

Oh well if she’s a size 10 it’s all fine! What is she waiting for?

FFS! How often does it have to be said that every transmission is an opportunity for mutation. It’s not just about her own personal convenience or her DH’s, it’s a public health issue.

SandysMam · 10/07/2021 06:43

It’s madness Op unless her and her husband have been double jabbed. If they are coughing, it IS likely they have it (FFS to poster who suggested it might just be a normal cough). She is naive to think at 38 she shouldn’t give a fuck about Covid, her kids would be a lot worse off without a mum. Leave them for a few more days, it’s not the end of the world and they will cope. Her husband has a right to not want to catch this.

TheReluctantPhoenix · 10/07/2021 06:44

Up to her, I think.

If they were living together, she would be exposed, so no worse. They are a childcare ‘bubble’.

Cattitudes · 10/07/2021 06:53

She would need to isolate for ten days so although the dc could go out she can't take them anywhere. As the dc haven't been tested then if she tests positive the dc would then need to isolate from the time she developed symptoms, so say that is Wednesday then the children would be in isolation for three weeks rather than ten days, and that is assuming that her dh doesn't then develop symptoms at a later point. That is before you consider the risk to her, risk of mutation etc.

I imagine the dc will not really want to sign up for a further ten days or more of isolation. Doesn't sound as if she will pay much attention to the rules anyway, so I would be avoiding her for a few weeks just to be careful for myself. Will you then be asked to get food for her?

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/07/2021 07:11

I get it must be horrible to be away from your children. I think we are in an extraordinary situation and they should stay put if their dad is coping. I presume these aren’t little kids otherwise she would have collected sooner; If she wanted to do so them, she should have collected them immediately to minimise their risk of exposure.

MinnieMountain · 10/07/2021 07:11

The parents are silly to not have them tested. They could have the results by now.

I’d say it’s up to her DH as well if there’s a chance they’re not coming back home with a negative test result.

SpeakingFranglais · 10/07/2021 07:24

I think it’s irresponsible. She will then likely get it as will her husband. Either or both of them could be the ones that are really ill and may suffer from long covid.

Madness.
All for a few extra days when they live 50/50 with their parents anyway.

5zeds · 10/07/2021 07:42

Why would she risk her children’s mother/stepfather, for the sake of a few days?Shock
Has she not noticed the deaths? The damaged and disabled survivors? The stories of months of debilitating long Covid?
Being a parent is about protecting your children, how does having them home do that?

MadinMarch · 10/07/2021 07:43

Your sister needs to get a grip. Leave the kids where they are until their isolation period is up.
Why risk spreading Covid further and infecting herself and DH. Even if they have it mildly, there's still long covid to consider.

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