To ask questions about autism.

[coodawoodashooda]

About 10 years ago i was in a meeting about autism. The leader said something like, 'if the child could......... then they didnt have autism. What was the quality that was being referred to? Was it empathy? I cant remember and for various personal reasons id really like to know.

And, when experts say, 'the child needs a diagnosis because they need a better understanding of themselves,' what exactly are they referring to? I cant see why a neuro diverse person or a neuro typical personal wouldn't all need to have a deeper understanding of themselves.

I have autism and am quite capable of empathy, if anything I feel it more than most do.

There are lots of stereotypes around autism, I can't think of one that is universally true. We're all different!

For females, a diagnosis can result in greater self acceptance, and less masking. Masking for years on end is exhausting.

@coodawoodashooda

And, when experts say, 'the child needs a diagnosis because they need a better understanding of themselves,' what exactly are they referring to? I cant see why a neuro diverse person or a neuro typical personal wouldn't all need to have a deeper understanding of themselves.

I was diagnosed as an adult, so have some insight in to this. Prior to diagnosis I felt like I was failing - why couldn't I do things, why did I keep messing up in certain areas, I must be stupid, maybe I'm not trying hard enough...

Diagnosis brought insight, clarity, and relief. I wasn't failing because I wasn't trying hard enough but because I am autistic.

I’m not sure there is any one specific thing that nobody with ASD can do. It’s a spectrum that everyone is on somewhere.

I have no idea what the trainer said, but I suspect he was wrong.

It’s a spectrum that everyone is on somewhere.

No, not everyone is on the spectrum. You're either autistic or you're not.

I don’t think anyone can help you with remembering what someone said to you 10 years ago unfortunately.

With regards to autism, it’s important to remember that it’s often not the type of difficulty a person has that leads to diagnosis, rather the intensity and subsequent impact of the difficulty.

For example (I’ll use quite a stereotyped behaviour for ease):

All young children have repetitive behaviour such as lining up toys (known as a schema), where it may become a “trait” is if the child struggles to play in other ways, preferring to or always reverting back to lining up.

The reason this is behaviour of concern is that children’s play ALWAYS evolves, evolution of play is always present in typically developing children. When evolution of play is absent or reduced this would raise a flag for one of the “triad of impairments”, restrictive and repetitive behaviour, for an autism diagnosis there must be significant impairment in all three areas of development within that triad.

Tgis is very helpful. Thank you. The part i cant fathom is that if you hadn't had a diagnosis but instead had therapy; through the therapy youd come to the conclusion that you had various strengths and weaknesses. Would that not have served the same purpose?

So essentially all autistic people share difficulties in the same areas of development, however how much and in what way they are impacted is very individual.

As for why a diagnosis is essential for understanding. Imagine everyone around you were all laughing at this amazing joke, they all got it and thought it was hysterical. Everyone is sharing in this joint event.

But you just don’t get it.

You hear the joke and understand it’s meant to be funny and you’re supposed to laugh but you just don’t get it - at all.

So, for years you play along. Pretending you totally get it and learn to laugh at the right time. All the while thinking that you’re stupid for understanding something so simple that literally everyone else gets instantly. For years you put yourself down.

Then suddenly you find out that actually, the joke. It’s in a different language!!!! That’s why you didn’t understand it. You’re not stupid, there’s not something wrong with you, you just speak a different language than the one that the joke is told in. Not only that, but there are others who don’t speak that language too.

The relief. The knowledge that you belong to a whole community who don’t get the joke too. Who wouldn’t want that?

(My apologies to any autistic people if my analogy is clumsy or causes offence, it’s unintentional but please don’t hesitate to let me know)

@BlueSurfer

I’m not sure there is any one specific thing that nobody with ASD can do. It’s a spectrum that everyone is on somewhere.

That's a good example of the crap people come out with. I got 'we can't believe he's autistic because he has beautiful eye contact'

@coodawoodashooda

And, when experts say, 'the child needs a diagnosis because they need a better understanding of themselves,' what exactly are they referring to? I cant see why a neuro diverse person or a neuro typical personal wouldn't all need to have a deeper understanding of themselves.

They are saying that the child needs support to understand why they find some things difficult and why they feel the way they do. That reason isn't just about personality, it's about the way their brain is wired. It isn't something that they can change. They can learn coping skills, work arounds, etc., but their brain is fundamentally different to other people's.

@BlueSurfer

I’m not sure there is any one specific thing that nobody with ASD can do. It’s a spectrum that everyone is on somewhere.

No. That is a stereotype with absolutely no truth behind it.

@coodawoodashooda

About 10 years ago i was in a meeting about autism. The leader said something like, 'if the child could......... then they didnt have autism. What was the quality that was being referred to? Was it empathy? I cant remember and for various personal reasons id really like to know.

Probably empathy but that’s now considered an outdated understanding.

It’s now accepted that autists usually have average to above average levels of empathy but some may struggle to know how to express or act in the empathy they feel.

@BlueSurfer

I’m not sure there is any one specific thing that nobody with ASD can do. It’s a spectrum that everyone is on somewhere.

Will people PLEASE stop saying that?

You might as well claim that “everybody’s on the asthmatic spectrum”.

The autistic spectrum is a spectrum of autism - if you aren’t autistic you aren’t on the spectrum.

@coodawoodashooda

Tgis is very helpful. Thank you. The part i cant fathom is that if you hadn't had a diagnosis but instead had therapy; through the therapy youd come to the conclusion that you had various strengths and weaknesses. Would that not have served the same purpose?

We’re not broken neurotypicals. We are different. Some of us think we’re an improvement on NT. Certainly lots of people with high-functioning autism or Aspergers consider it an identity.

You can’t turn a deaf person into a hearing person with therapy. You can’t turn a dyslexic or an aspie into a neurotypical with therapy. We are made differently but equal. You couldn’t pay me enough money to want to be NT.

Autism isn’t a mental illness or learning difficulty. It’s a developmental difference with strengths as well as weaknesses. You can’t fix it.

It was probably empathy and that is one of the most common misconceptions re asd. I understand and have empathy but I really struggle with social interactions, my brain just doesn't understand it at all, I've learned along the way but I still find if utterly exhausting. For example you meet someone in public that you know, have a chat and they end it by saying "oh we must meet sometime " I know most times they don't actually mean they want to meet up with me but I couldn't tell you for the life of me why they say it 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️ it used to really upset me and sadly unless you get therapy with a professional experienced in asd , it's usually not much help.

@Nightwing

The autistic spectrum is a spectrum of autism - if you aren’t autistic you aren’t on the spectrum.

🤲🏻

Great and interesting post.
I still feel like i don't understand what autism actually is - I thought it was a lack of interpersonal or social skills but then have read about high functioning autism where they still have this.
What is it then? Sorry if this is a stupid question, whether I read articles on it, I get more confused! Thank you

Well you might reach an understanding of strengths and weaknesses, but thats not the same as I will never be able to think this way because it is cognitively impossible for me. Its a step in the right direction but youll never reach the same acceptance of yourself.

It’s a spectrum that everyone is on somewhere.

Oh FFS.

@LonstantonSpiceMuseum

Great and interesting post. I still feel like i don't understand what autism actually is - I thought it was a lack of interpersonal or social skills but then have read about high functioning autism where they still have this. What is it then? Sorry if this is a stupid question, whether I read articles on it, I get more confused! Thank you

It’s a developmental condition. The brain develops differently.

The closest comparators would be ADHD or SpLDs such as dyspraxia, dyslexia or dyscalculia.

You might be better just to ask a question based on what you want to know now. 10 years is a long time...

*You can’t turn a deaf person into a hearing person with therapy. You can’t turn a dyslexic or an aspie into a neurotypical with therapy. We are made differently but equal. You couldn’t pay me enough money to want to be NT.

Autism isn’t a mental illness or learning difficulty. It’s a developmental difference with strengths as well as weaknesses. You can’t fix it*

You can teach a deaf person to lip read, sign and speak with therapy.

You can teach a dyslexia person how to read and write with alternative means.

You can tech an autistic person how to communicate, speak and learn with therapy.

Please don't kid yourself. Autism is a disability. Please do not undermine this- there are many Autistics who are severely impacted.