To ask questions about autism.

[coodawoodashooda]

About 10 years ago i was in a meeting about autism. The leader said something like, 'if the child could......... then they didnt have autism. What was the quality that was being referred to? Was it empathy? I cant remember and for various personal reasons id really like to know.

Also his father would ignore him for hours and then play very physically and unnecessarily.

Also, taking absolutely ages, sometimes, to do small jobs like putting on his pyjamas or eat his cereal.

@coodawoodashooda

I an CERTAIN the repetitive conversation is to secure his father's attention and stay in his good books. The uninhibited behaviour regards to privacy with his body is inconsistent. He would be aware in the living room if someone came round but early morning on an empty beach yesterday it didn't cross his mind. He despises writing and, 'the world of his own.' I wonder if thats to do with being ignored for extended periods of time when hes away.

He may well be using repetition in that situation because it's the tool that works for him. Echolalia is one of the more 'obvious' parts of DC2s autism and it is far more pronounced in a new or stressful situation where they don't feel confident in what to do/how deviating from their script will be received.

That's the thing with autism, it's the way you've developed and so it's there all the time. My consultant explained to me that while the behaviour may look the same between someone who is neurotypical and someone with autism, the motivators will likely be very different.

I'd like to address the question of whether therapy can help enough to mean a diagnosis isn't needed.
I had any amount of therapy before being diagnosed. The only useful bit was when a therapist pushed the boundaries enough to suggest I should consider whether I had ADHD.
This led to my diagnosis as both autistic and ADHD.
Since then, I have done one brief course of therapy, which led to my realisation that therapy was never what I needed, it was support for my autistic self.
Being autistic is as much me as the fact that I'm tall, female and white. Not good or bad in itself, but not changeable. Like with being female, the society we live means it's harder to be autistic than not, but that's not inherent.
Therapy aimed at a neurotypical person isn't necessarily helpful. In my case, it was often traumatic, but I assumed it was supposed to hurt, and no one ever allows for the fact that it might not be useful.

It absolutely is possible for for trauma to cause a child to exhibit behaviours that might indicate autism, but a good psychologist with an understanding of that background should be able to distinguish between them.
But fwiw, a lot of the time since my dx has been spent wondering how much better my life might have been if I'd been diagnosed earlier.
So much bafflement avoided, I could have stopped banging my head on a brick wall much more quickly.

he despises writing this may be mechanical rather than a brain thing eg hypermobile. Mine has this, we didn't even know until the assessment. That's why you really need the assessment.

The assessment helps the child but it also helps you, as you have to parent differently. Routine is important and family life has to include planning and structure, we can't be as spontaneous as we'd like.

Its impossible for anyone here to help diagnose though, you can list things but other parents could easily say the opposite. A world of his own yes, DS does that. But my DS has always been extremely self conscious when getting changed outside of the home (he shuts down and will wait silently until the room is empty if there's no cubicle, waiting to shower & dress after swimming is horrendous. And DS cannot stand to have food on him, or bits or mud or labels on his skin at all, won't eat a sandwich if there are bits in the bread, has food aversions and cant even stand having different foods touching on his plate. DS is very imaginative and creative but is incredibly literal and lacks social imagination. They're all different just like everybody else. When you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person.

oh forgot to say that the world of his own could be self soothing to avoid being overwhelmed. Its why DS does it. Ear defenders or ear buds relieves this, may seem odd but it works.

Repetitive conversation is a thing, but if he's autistic it won't be to stay in his father's good books, its the thing he's talking about that matters to him and as long as he's heard and engaged with it doesn't matter so much who he's telling it to. Does he have obsessions?